Man Up: Realizing the Relationship is Over

The title actually reflects that the intention was to write this geared towards the guys out there. Most likely the article, in a lot of ways, could be useful to any gals who are holding on to a relationship that is nearing the finish line as well. The main focus will be to point out what a waste of time it is to spin your wheels on something you only "HOPE" will happen. There will be a couple questions you can ask yourself to become clear on why you might be wasting your days hoping for something that is no longer in the cards.

Relationships begin on a much different note than how they usually end. The relationship, when new is everything you could ever want. Each of you may be excited about the possibility of a long term relationship. You may find that, yes, indeed this relationship is perfect. As much as we want to believe that life continues at a steady pace, we soon discover that there could be bumps in the road that no one saw coming. Sometimes these "bumps" can be navigated with little work. Sometimes you may find that you wish and hope things would change and continue on the path of being unhappy and sometimes as long as you are still in the relationship, negative or not, you tell yourself it will get better. Meanwhile, life has a way of passing you by and you may find that the unhappiness becomes suffocating. You may ask yourself, "am I going to settle for this? "

Situations that may arise are: infidelity, abuse, not being compatible any longer, resentment for not sharing the daily load, one person continues to grow and one doesn't, the reasons are really endless. How are you going to deal with these issues if they arise? What if your request for help goes on deaf ears? What if you no longer share any common ground and everyday feels like a struggle. Are you willing to continue with this as is or are you willing to "man up" and realize what needs to be done?

Of course it won't be easy. The loss of a relationship is not easy. But staying in one because you think it will improve, even when the other party wants out, is spinning your wheels.If you are lucky enough to have caring friends, then seek their advice. If you need to obtain counseling to move forward, then by all means, do so. Wishing that you could turn back the clock to earlier, more compatible times is simply fooling yourself. Maybe you need to ask yourself one question. "Why would I want to be in a relationship with someone who does not want the same"?

Some folks seem to think that negative behavior is better than nothing, and resort to vandalism, stalking etc... This will do nothing except frustrate you and most likely get your butt in trouble . Do you want your life to continue with negative, hateful behavior? If there are children from the relationship, hopefully you are setting an example for them. They are looking to you for how you will handle situations, hopefully you are doing a good job, no matter what. Adult children may be alittle harder to deal with. They can make up their own minds and as adults should choose how they will connect with each parent. Bad mouthing a partner does no one any good and is really the behavior of a desperate person.

If your spouse has asked for a divorce, and for what ever reason, you refuse, ask yourself why. Are you still thinking that no matter what you are in control? All this is doing is prolonging the inevitable. Wishing and hoping will not fix the problem if the folks involved have been clear about their position. Why would you want someone who does not want you?

Perhaps the most you could hope for is a relationship that is tolerable despite the break up. Maybe if the children are young, you could hold it together long enough to share events that involve everyone. Of course, the details of why the split happened in the first place will most likely determine any possibility of time spent together.

If it is over, then recognize that and do everyone a favor and move forward. Prolonging a divorce, or split just doesn't make sense. Most people, divorce or not will continue on with their lives, because living with continued control is not acceptable and most likely that caused the original problem in most cases.