Managing Children's Extra-Curricular Activities to Avoid Burn Out

Kids know what they want. They can tell you what they are interested in doing and what they would prefer not to be involved in. They can also tell you when they feel over scheduled and need to drop back on activities, or when they think they can take on more. I think parental expectations often cloud these natural tendencies for kids, however.

I believe that kids would be better able to balance their interests to fit what they can handle and what they are interested in doing if parents can step back and empower their children to make their own decisions in this area. Instead, I frequently see kids forced to join a particular sport, club, or activity either because Mom or Dad always did that, or because Mom or Dad always regretted not doing that. In addition, sometimes kids are discouraged from joining an activity that is out of the parent's own comfort zone. This is an unfortunate situation that can prevent a child from realizing a passion that may be unique to the child.

When my son's father died, I found myself taking on the roles of both Mom and Dad of my five year old son. Following my son's passions meant that I needed to step miles beyond my comfort zone, and into the world of fishing, hunting, and target shooting (Trap and Skeet). I won't pretend this was easy, but this was who my son was. Any attempt on my part to alter that would have been unjust.

In spite of losing his father, today my son is a happy, well-adjusted teenager, and an active environmentalist and outdoorsman. If I had tried to take the reins and mold him into someone more like me, I wouldn't be able to say any of this.

Kids don't generally burn out on activities that fit who they are, provided they are well-monitored, and that their lives in all areas are in balance. I think that the burn-out is more of a factor when kids are in activities primarily because it is expected of them, and at times, over-supervised by their parents.

I also think it is important to understand that just because a child belongs to a particular parent, this does not mean they share the same interests, social needs, or activity levels. Frequently, an introverted child with an extraverted parent is made to feel as if something is wrong with him or her for not wanting to do as many varied activities as his parent enjoys. An introverted parent with an extraverted child may feel equally out of place. Add the wide variety of hobby, sport, and work options and it is easy for a parent and child to feel as if they are not all on the same page.

I think it helps if parents allow their child to take the reins in this area. It may be that the child enjoys an activity that neither parent has an interest or aptitude in. My teenage son is now so heavily involved in Trap and Skeet competitions that I no longer try to attend all of these events with him. It is also possible that the child's strange passions start to grow on his or her parents. This interest of my son has renewed his step-father's interest in hunting, and this has become an opportunity for a bonding experience for both of them. Either way, allowing the children to be involved in activities that are chosen by themselves, regardless of how these choices may differ from what the parent would prefer, is much less likely to lead to burn out for everyone in the family.