Managing Your Working Mommy Guilt by Not Being Perfect

Mommy guilt is nothing new. Since the dawn of time, the words "motherhood" and "guilt" have gone together like "peanut butter" and "jelly." I'm sure Eve agonized over what she could have done differently while raising Cain and Able. "Maybe if I had disciplined Cain a little more," she may have thought or, "Perhaps I did favor Able." This Mommy guilt must be part of our DNA or embedded in the mommy collective unconscious, because every mother I know says things like, "I'm such a terrible mom." As moms, we spend more time worrying about what we've done wrong rather than sharing what we've done right. And as we add full and part time jobs to the other roles in our lives, the guilt becomes more pronounced and we constantly feel like we are the worst mothers in the world.

Working mommies, we must fight this guilt! We must begin to tell ourselves that it's okay that not everything we do is perfect. Here are 4 ways to say "it's okay" and to help you battle the working mommy guilt.

1. It's okay to have popcorn for dinner. We've all had those evenings where we come home from work and we're exhausted. And the first thing out of our little ones' mouths is, "I'm hungry, Mommy!" You look in the fridge and the only thing that isn't way past it's expiration date is the mustard. If you're like me, the last thing you want to do at this point is load your children in the car, haul them into the grocery store, run around like a raving maniac trying to catch the wee little ones as you're also trying to find the perfect ingredients for a nutritious and delicious meal, and then pay for it while the children are screaming that they want candy bars and...Well, I think you get the idea. You just want to put on your pajamas, crawl onto the couch, and watch The Bachelor or American Idol. It is at these times that it is okay to give your children something less than nutritious to curb their hunger. My children's pediatrician even admitted to me once that sometimes she found popcorn to be a fine dinner when she would come home from work , tired and spent. And sometimes it's okay to have chicken nuggets for breakfast. In fact, even as I am writing this article, my three year old is eating chili and corn chips, even though it is 8:30 in the morning. Hey! I'm working here!

2. It's okay to have a less than sparkling clean house. I know many of us dream of the day that we earn enough money to hire a housekeeper or at least a once-a-month cleaning service. But until that time comes, we have to be the housekeeper in between our careers and running our kids to soccer games. When you've had a week (or two weeks or a month) of running errands, taking kids to swimming lessons, and working on big presentations which may or may not get you a raise, tell yourself it's okay if you don't vacuum the front room this week or fold the clean laundry. Seriously, even though every Martha Stewart magazine shows an impeccable house, it's really not that important to dust all of your knick-knacks or clean out the fridge or even mop the floor. Take the few extra minutes to enjoy some "me" time or some time with your kids.

3. It's okay to take a break from your children. We take vacations from work; why don't we take vacations from our children? Or even just a mental health day from the children? Give yourself some "me" time. Next time when you have a day off from work during the week, still take your kids to the sitter. Let someone else take care of them while you take a long bubble bath, or take yourself out to lunch and enjoy the new novel you bought but never had time to read. If you're not able to take a whole day off from the kids, hire a babysitter to come over to your house and play with your kids for a few hours while you get some things done that you always say you want to do, but you never seem to have enough time to get to. Taking a break from your children will allow you to appreciate them even more.

4. It's okay to reward yourself for a job well done. Most employers have some way of rewarding their employees; it might be an "Employee of the month" plaque or a fat bonus. We even reward our children when they make their beds or poop in the potty. However, the rewards of motherhood are few and far between, and, from what I understand, you won't see them until your kids move out of the house. No one is ever going to reward us for what we do as mothers so we need to reward ourselves! Buy yourself that mother's ring that you've always wanted or some other piece of jewelry that will remind you what a wonderful mother you are when you've taught the children to clean up after themselves with little to no prodding from you. Or give yourself the gift of a professional massage or, if money is a little tight, a manicure or pedicure, which always involves a hand or foot massage in the process once you've potty trained the three year old.

In the end, you will be a great mom just by loving your kids and trying your best. And you can't be at your best if you let yourself become overwhelmed with working mommy guilt. When you start to feel guilty because you're not in the mood to watch Yo Gabba Gabba with your children, choose one of the strategies above and tell yourself, "It's okay."