March Madness: The 10 Most Annoying Basketball Cliches

March Madness. The time of year when millions of fans who have no idea who the top players and teams in college basketball are pony up a few buck$ and jump in the office NCAA basketball tournament pool.

Beware March only college basketball fans, North Carolina, UCLA, and Arkansas, to name three national championship winning programs, are not in the field of 64 teams playing in the NCAA basketball tournament.

Thankfully, Billy Packer of CBS will not be calling the action in the NCAA tourney. I just wish I could say the same for some others.

As a matter of fact, when it comes to the Cliche Kings, most of the prime offenders will not be calling games. Marv Albert and Dick (Dookie) Vitale have other gigs, thank goodness. I don't believe Steve Lavin, the plastered haired former coach of UCLA will be doing NCAA tournament games, either. At least I hope not.

As Kasey Kasem of American Top 40 used to say, with March Madness upon us, "on with the countdown."

Here they are, in no particular order, the 10 most annoying basketball cliches:

The Rock
No, not the Miami Hurricanes former football player turned wrestler, turned actor. Dwayne Johnson had the good sense to abandon his former handle a couple of years ago. Basketball announcers should follow suit. Enough already with referring to the basketball as "the rock."

If it really was a rock, would tall people in baggy boxer shorts be fighting over it for 40 minutes? Do you smell what the rock is cooking? Good. Stick a fork in this one, it's done. Worst offender: who else? Dick Vitale.

Share the Sugar
Steve Lavin is good for at least 17 offenses per game, referring to how a point guard should share the ball. Or one reference for every container of mousse in his hair. A dentist couldn't hate this phrase more than I. Artificial sweetener, anyone?

Shooting from "Downtown"
We get it. A three point shot from well behind the line has to come from "downtown." Worst offender: Marv Albert. Hey Marv: do they have hotels "downtown" where men with bad combovers/toupees come to the door in women's lingerie? According to Albert's accuser? Yesssssssssss.

He/She has a Hot Hand
Used to describe a player who hits a few shots in succession, someone coming to our shores from another country and tuning in to the NCAA tournament could easily understand this to mean someone has stolen a prosthetic body part. No wonder the other teams' defenders are persuing the guy relentlessly.

Unless he's playing against my Arkansas Razorbacks the last two seasons. Their idea of three point defense is about like that of the U.S Border Patrol.

He/She can really "fill it up"
In this era of performance enhancing drugs like steroids and human growth hormones, this phrase would be more appropriate concerning the drug test. Of course, guys like Jose Canseco and Mark McGwire's urine would probably have burned holes in the test tube back in the day.

If you've ever seen Dumb and Dumber, that Lloyd Christmas (Jim Carrey) could "really fill it up." Just ask that Pennsylvania state trooper...

It's a "game of runs"
In keeping with the bathroom humor, this phrase, which refers to teams scoring in bunches, would be better served for a pepto bismol ad. That Harry Dunn (Jeff Daniels) of Dumb and Dumber was involved in a "game of runs" after a dose of "Turbolax", alright.

They "can't buy a basket"
Is there not a Michaels or a Hobby Lobby nearby? Yes, I know this phrase is not an edible item, but the expiration date for this basketball cliches has long passed.

He can really "dish" the ball
Ugh! The next basketball announcer or analyst who uses this cliche, especially in the NCAA tournament, should immediately have his mouth washed out with Palmolive.

The "bigs"
Hoopstown State's "bigs" are better than the Baskerville Hounds' "bigs" you hear coaches, announcers, and analysts say constantly on basketball telecasts, or something to that effect. Enough already!

Are basketball announcers and analysts so intellectually lazy and devoid of any creativity to not come up with some better way to describe the large players who stay mostly in the painted part of the court than "bigs?" Hold on, we all know the answer to that one.

Take it to the hole
No, this is not a Tiger Woods joke inserted into an article on basketball cliches. Even though Tiger Woods is now known for inserting things where they don't belong. Just sayin'. This basketball cliche refers to a player driving to the basket (assuming there are no trees or fire hydrants in the way) instead of settling for a jump shot and firing away. But enough about Gilbert Arenas...

That's it. As you're watching the NCAA basketball tournament, if the game is a blowout, count the number of times these basketball cliches are mouthed by the TV foofs. Enjoy March Madness and good luck in your NCAA tournament office pool.