Maria Roth, Allene Newberg Bilodeau, Linda Louise Johnson, and Theresa Wiza Meet (Well, Sort Of)

Disclaimer: The reason for writing this article has to do with a meeting between Allene Newberg Bilodeau, Linda Louise Johnson, and me. How Maria Roth became part of the meeting will become apparent soon enough.

How It Started

I was on my way to Virginia to visit my son and his family (my son is a Marine who just transferred to Virginia from San Diego), and I was going to fly out of Indianapolis. I had mentioned this fact to Allene, and I wondered how far she lived from the Indianapolis International Airport - only about an hour away! How exciting - let's get together!

While we were making plans to meet, Allene asked me if I would mind if Lindy Lou met us. Mind? Are you kidding me? I wanted to meet her too!

And so it was. The three of us, along with Allene's son, Josh, met at the Olive Garden in Indianapolis. As we are all Associated Content writers, we discussed each of us writing about our meeting and that's when Maria Roth's name came up.

Why Maria Roth Became The Center of Our Attention

When were discussing writing about our get-together, Allene, or maybe it was Linda (I should have recorded our meeting), said that if we wanted to increase our page views, we should put Maria Roth's name in the title.

Splendid idea, we all agreed, so that's why I put Maria's name first - in the title. (But I have to ask myself, am I prostituting myself for page views? I hope Maria will forgive me {us}.)

Our First Misunderstanding

I had driven approximately three hours from Illinois, and by the time I got to the Olive Garden, I was exhausted. So, thinking I was an hour early, I fell asleep in the parking lot (not actually on the pavement - I was in my car).

Awakening me from slumber was my ringing phone. It was Linda asking me where I was. Sleeping in my car outside of the Olive Garden restaurant, of course.

Guess what - Indianapolis is an hour ahead of Illinois. Oops.

Meeting Linda Louise Johnson

According to Linda, Allene and Josh were running late, so, after I slapped myself awake, I rushed into the restaurant where I was met by this tiny bubbly magnetic personality who hugged me with with such warmth I immediately lost the chill from the Indiana cold.

Linda is a very pretty little lady who practically glows from some inner light that also animates her with an energy that is irresistible. When she smiles, it comes not only from her face, but also from her entire body. Her eyes sparkle with warmth, compassion, fun, and LOTS of mischievous humor. She had me laughing before I even sat down.

We must have looked like a couple of silly school girls sitting there, because we were so excited to meet each other, we were practically bouncing in our seats. I was also happy that I remembered to relate something to Linda that I had just discovered, something that would be an exciting opportunity for her.

Just the night before, I had seen a commercial about wgnamerica.com - a web site that was searching for comic talent. What I didn't know at the time, and I had to send her a message about it later, was that the prize is a whopping $10,000.

I hope she enters. I know she has the talent to win, and I hope you will join me in sending Linda LOTS of encouragement. (Link to Linda Louise Johnson's page by clicking on her name.) We all would love to see her win, wouldn't we?

Meeting Allene Newberg Bilodeau

Anyway, back to the story of our meeting. After several minutes, Allene and Josh arrived. Allene and I hugged like we were long lost pals, and like Linda, Allene met my embrace at my naval.

Allene was even tinier than Linda. And just as funny. She also has beautifully smooth and flawless skin that I wanted to touch to see if it was real.

Allene has an innately inquisitive mind and I could tell that unless her answers were immediately addressed, she would not rest. So we delved into the questions she'd been waiting to ask me in person.

"Let me see your feet," she demanded. Not the first thing I would have thought to mention, but... She couldn't believe that anybody my height (5'6.5") would have feet as small as mine (3 in children's; 4.5 in adult's). I showed her my shoes. "No, take off your shoes." I took off my shoes. Allene would be great at airport security. Now she had proof and we could continue having fun.

Well, almost. After the feet conversation, we delved into how it was possible for me to have so many grandchildren (ten) and great grandchildren (two). I couldn't defend myself at the time, and as is usually the case, I came up with an explanation long after our meeting was over.

The only way I can explain it is to say that one of my children had lots of sex, and was pretty much guaranteed to get pregnant every time she engaged in the activity - if she wasn't already pregnant. And, since we seem to multiply like rabbits in my family, our family is now quite large.

(To read Allene Newberg Bilodeau's work, click on the link in her name.)

The Lunch

Then we ate. I don't remember what everybody ate. I'm sure somebody else, probably Allene, will remember in detail what each of us ate. But I was so excited just to be sitting at the table with these two amazing women, it wouldn't have mattered to me if we were eating at McDonald's.

We discussed many topics during our lunch, one of which was my jowls. Joshua said he had the cure, an exercise I could perform for them, but he couldn't remember what it was.

Joshua is a tease. He has no clue that when you offer a woman a cure for something that has plagued her for years, you don't follow the suggestion with, "But I can't remember what it is." I await his message to me about that issue (ahem, um Josh...).

Never once were any of us at a loss for words. And we discovered things about each other we might never have known. Linda, Allene, and Josh, for instance, are all allergic to shell fish.

As you might have guessed, we discussed some of our favorite writers on AC (yes, Maria Roth was one of them), and we wondered how some of them could be so prolific and still find time to comment on other writers (I will have an answer to that question in an upcoming article, by the way, about Crystal Ray).

After Lunch

You know that feeling you get when your appetite has been satiated and you feel completely comfortable and full? That's how I felt when I finished my meal with Linda and Allene - satisfied and full. But I felt more than satisfied. Meeting both of these women was like finding two new friends who instantly became part of my life in the same way my other friends had become treasured friends.

When we sat back, smiling, as we had been throughout the entire meal, both Allene and Linda wanted to know how my lipstick remained on my lips throughout the lunch. They took me completely by surprise with questions for which I had no answers. I felt like I was in an inquisition with bright lights shining on me, hoping to reveal answers hidden deep within my psyche.

Which brand did I use? I didn't know. Really, I didn't. Whatever was in my makeup case. Whatever was on sale. What secret did I know that they didn't know? I didn't realize I was harboring a secret. Really!

I recalled an episode on the Dick Van Dyke show once when Mary Tyler Moore's character was making a recipe given to her by Millie or maybe it was the other way around, when whoever it was that gave the recipe to the other purposely left out an important ingredient to sabotage the friend. Maybe I should have paid attention to the name of the lipstick I purchased.

Maybe if they had sent me the questions ahead of time, I might have been more prepared, because now that I know the question, I've had time to think about the answer. My "secret" for getting lipstick to remain on the lips is this: I use lip liner, then lipstick, then I blot, then I reapply the lip liner and the lipstick and blot again. I'm sorry - I forgot the part about the lip liner. I hope Allene and Linda will forgive me for leaving out that one tiny little detail.

The Photo Session

After lunch, Allene brought out her camera. Unlike most people who aren't professional photographers and who take only one shot, Allene takes shot after shot after shot.

If it weren't for the fact that I was so tall, I might not have felt so uncomfortable. It was fun, but I felt like a breadstick standing between two cherries - get that image out of your head - they both wore red coats. I'm not really THAT tall, but I now know how Gulliver felt when he met the Lilliputians.

Despite my awkwardness at our height differences, I felt an immediate rapport with everybody in our little group. Nobody in that restaurant would have guessed we'd never before met in person (though, to be honest, Lindy Lou and Allene had met previously).

The Aftermath

That lunch was the most fun I've had in a long time. And I can tell you this - as much in love as you are with these two wonderful ladies (three, counting Maria) because of their amazing writing abilities and the personalities that shine through their writing, you would love them even more in person.

I hope to see them again soon - next time we'll invite Maria Roth (and a host of other AC writers we all love so much). Link to Maria's articles by clicking on her name.

So happy to have met you, Linda Louise Johnson, and you, Allene Newberg Bilodeau. I'm already looking forward to our next get-together. And to all of you who are my favorite AC writers, I hope to meet you someday, too.