Mark Sanford Is......SANFORDITA!

[SANFORDITA enters, takes the podium in Columbia before a crowd of reporters]

It won't be easy, you'll think it strange,
When I try to explain where i've been
That I still need your votes in 2012

You won't believe me
All you will see is me hiking
On the Appalachian Trail
No, wait, I was biking.

No, really, I was in Argentina
Couldn't stay all my life in this state
Looking at my wife, and thinking of Maria

So I chose to go away
Running around, trying to hide the truth
But nowhere could I hide
Not even from you!

[chorus]
Don't cry for me South Carolina,
The truth is I had a girlfriend.
All through my adultery,
you were not in distress
I kept my oath of office,
While I had a mistress.

And as for the scandal, and as for the shame
I never intended for them
Though it seemed to the world that I pretty much asked for it.

They are bad, I know
I am not the man I propped myself up to be.
But the liberals are worse
You must believe that they just have to be!

Repeat chorus