Marriage in America

The growing number of never married, divorced, and couples who are living together has reduced the percentage of married couples in the United States. People make decisions about marriage based on their views of what the benefits could be and social scientists agree that the benefits of marriage far outweigh those of living together.

The United States has the third highest divorce rate in the world at 4.19 per 1000. With this fact in mind, does the idea of one man and one man cleaving together for a lifetime have any place in today's world?

When respected the bonds of marriage leads to the good not only of the couple and their children, but also to the good of society as a whole. Marriage prolongs life. In a study published earlier this year, researchers found that marriage lengthens life spans for both men and women. On average married men live ten years longer than single men, and married women live about four years longer than single women. The reason married men live longer is that the adopt less risky lifestyles as a result of the commitment of marriage, and married women live longer because of the improved financial well-being as a result of married.

There are also sexual benefits to marriage because unlike what one might think, married people have more sex than single people do. They also enjoy it more. Concerns about sexually transmitted diseases may have decreased people's willingness to have sex outside of marriage. Having children also helps marriage because it improves the chances that they will stay married. Having a family increases commitment to marriage.

However, according to one survey, having a child can ruin a couple's relationship and hinder their sex lives. For women, especially, having a baby changes the way they think about themselves. They see themselves more as a parent than as a partner and this can have a huge impact on a relationship

Living together does not increase the likelihood of a stable marriage. People who have cohabited prior to marriage may have less of a commitment to the institution of marriage, even after they marry.

Marriage has many benefits and because of them some researchers feel that society needs to do more to promoted the institution of marriage. More health organizations and religious groups should increase their efforts to provide programs that support marriage.

This year, the social signs on marriage remain about the same as they were last year. The most noteworthy propensity this year are the continuing decline of the marriage rate and the increase in the number of couples who are living together along with a small increase in the percentage of children living in unstable families and born to unmarried mothers.

In addition there is a sharp increase among teenage boy in their acceptance of unwed childbearing and a slight decrease in agreement among teenagers, especially girls, that living together before marriage is a good idea

These days best selling novels, movies, television programs and self-help books are obsessed with the thirty-something single male and his romantic pursuits. Today's bachelor hero is different from the romantic heroes of the past. Back then, heroes were the marrying kind, nowadays they are the non-marrying kind. Even in ABC's hit realty show The Bachelor four out of the five bachelors have broken up with the woman they picked to marry.

What about the young men who are married? In recent decades neither the popular culture nor the research community had made much attention to them. The young husband has all but disappeared as a cultural figure or a social type. But married men represent a valuable segment of the young make population. Four years ago, there were 9.5 million married men between the ages of 25 and 34. Contrary to the popular stereotype, the typical guy in his thirties is married

Marriage is even more transforming for men than it is for women and tends to change men's behavior in notable and predictable ways. Men tend to lead healthier and more productive lives after they marry. They work harder and do better financially than men who are not married. They are more likely to spend time with their families and not abuse alcohol and drugs or take part in illegal activities. Their sex lives are better and they are more responsible and involved fathers.

One central reason for the positive effects of marriage on men is their wives, who give emotional support and physical care to their husbands. Since most married women work outside the home, including over half with young children, men gain financial advantages from being married. Working wives reduce pressure on their husbands to be the sole breadwinner of the family.

The positive influence of wives does not explain why married men do better than cohabiting men who also have the advantage of having a female domestic partner. The difference may have to do with the influence of marriage itself. Included in marriage is a norm of male selflessness. Single men may be able to be self indulgent and carefree, but once a man is married he is expected to work and care for his family.
Even in our high-divorce society, people still believe that marriage should last a long time and celebrate those that do. Thus, married men tend to save more and work harder because they are thinking ahead to future responsibilities, such as educating their children, or buying a house.

The cultural difference between single "boys" and married men is not a measure of the individual men's maturity level. Instead, it reflects the influence of the institution of marriage on standards of male behavior. For one martial norms require men to be sexually faithful to one woman and to find in her the fulfillment of their sexual desire.

For another, marital norms of masculinity require accountability, sacrifice, and commitment instead of risk-taking and unfettered freedom. Married men have to commit to social, as well as biological fatherhood.

A large majority of married men say they are happier being married than they were when they were single. Most say their sex life is better since getting married. Married men are also more optimistic about the institution of marriage than single men are.

In one respect married men and single men agree; they do not see children as the central purpose of marriage. However, married men feel that they would have missed out on something important in life if they did not have children of their own. Less than half of married men agree with the idea that it's okay for a woman to have a child on her own if she can afford it and they are more likely than single men to believe that people should marry and not just live together if they have children.

Women gain financially from marriage. Although married women often leave the workforce to care for children, on average, they are still economically better off then divorced, cohabiting or never-married women. Married women also have more enjoyable sex lives than sexually active singles, most likely because of a woman greater trust and expectation of marital monogamy and permanence. Also, marriage makes mothers happier, since they are more likely to receive the cooperation, hand-on help, emotional support and positive involvement from their child's father and his family. Maternal stress is lessened by having practical and emotional support, which allows a mother to parent more effectively.

Marriage performs a number of key functions in every known society. It organizes kinship, establishes family identities, regulates sexual behavior, attaches fathers to their offspring, channels the flow of economic resources, supports childrearing, and mutual care giving between generations.

In our society marriage is the central institution of the family and plays a key role in developing the social, economic and emotional bonds between a husband and wife, parents and children, and the family and larger community. It shapes family identity, creates a context for intimacy and builds a sense of belonging among its members. Lastly, marriage enjoys social approval and public recognition.

A long lasting marriage that is low-conflict is good for children. It brings together the mother and father under one roof who have brought the child into the world through birth or adoption and share a mutual interest in the child's well being. More than any other family arrangement, marriage reliably connects kids to their dads and fathers to the mothers of their children.

It is far less likely that children from intact families will be poor or experience persistent economic insecurity. Children who grow up with two parents are shielded from the economic effects of parental divorce. Estimates suggest that children experience a 70 percent drop in their household income in the immediate aftermath of divorce.

Children benefit from warm, responsive, firm and fair parenting, which fosters emotional resilience in them. Parents, stepparents and grandparents in all kinds of family arrangements manage to establish emotionally warm and secure environments, often against intimidating odds. However, parents in long-lasting marriages with little conflict are more likely to have the time, resources, and stability to co-parent effectively. Children reared in married parent families are less vulnerable to serious emotional illness, depression and suicide than children of divorced parents.

In their own future dating and marriage relationships, children benefit from the models set by their married parents. Children whose parents stayed married have more fulfilling dating relationships, more optimistic attitude toward future marriage and a greater success in forming lasting marriages. Young men raised in a two parent household also have more positive attitudes toward women, children and family life than men who were raised by a single parent.

Married people are less likely to have moral or mortal risks, and are even less inclined to risk-taking after they have children. Their health habits are better and they receive more regular health care. They are less likely to attempt or commit suicide. A major life crisis, such as severe illness, job loss and the needs of sick children or aging parents are easier for them to cope with.

Poverty is also less of a risk for married couples. According to a study married couple is half as likely to be poor as cohabiting couple parents and one third as likely as noncohabitig single parents in households with other adults. Although marriage itself doesn't lift a family out of poverty, it may reduce economic hardship. Being married allows a couple to pool earnings, gives them support from a larger social network of family and friends, alleviates the disruption of job loss, loss of job benefits, or loss of earnings due to illness or lay-offs.

An expanding set of binding obligations between spouses, between parents and children; and between married couples and their families are also created through marriage. As a result, marriage generates a higher level of help, support and care from the extended family than any other kind of family arrangement. Married couple are also better able to help elderly parents and relatives, an important benefit in an aging society.
Marriage is also a central institution in the civil society. It performs certain critical social tasks and produces certain social goods that are valuable to the community. One study concluded that participating in the social institution of marriage can lead to cumulative advantage while not participating or interrupting participation can set the stage for negative outcomes later in life.

For many years social scientists have debated the advantages of marriage due to the characteristics of people who marry and stay married. Does marriage itself - and the status of being married person create certain advantages? The answer is: both.

Economically and educationally advantage people, who are religiously observant, and who grew with married parents are more likely to marry and stay married than others. Marriage itself can transform people's lives, changing their lifestyles, habits, associations, and in ways that are personally and socially beneficial.

As the primary social institution leading familial and kinship relationships, marriage is a source of social capital. The social bonds created through marriage benefits not only family members, but others as well. As an example a married couple is more likely to vote and to be involved in community, religious and civic associations. Marriage embeds people within larger social networks, married parents have a better chance to recruit help, friendship and emotional support in the community. Through marriage men become more involved with others. Married fathers serve as important role model for their own children and other people's children also. They can be a valuable social resource in communities to children who lack responsible fathers or positive male role models.

Marriage doesn't solve all of society's problems. There is still poverty and crime, disadvantage and discrimination. Marriage is not an anti-poverty strategy and should not be a substitute for effective anti-poverty strategies such as reducing the number of unwed teen pregnancies. The advantage of marriage should not be used to pressure everyone into getting married.

Marriage is far from perfect and getting married doesn't turn people into saints. But, in spite of its acknowledged problems and flaws, marriage remains a vital source of social good, individual benefits, caregiving, emotional attachments and long-term commitments.

People who are married, though far from perfect, try to behave in ways that benefit themselves, their children and society as a whole.