Marriage or Cohabitation?
Is Marriage Even Necessary?
People get married most of the time, not only because they are in love, but because that is what their parents and grandparents did. We all want to follow tradition if it is symbolized by long lasting, happy relationships that our families have enjoyed. Many of us have been raised in this type of situation, however, it's not reason enough to call the wedding planner or spend thousands on a wedding gown. There are unhealthy reasons for getting married too.
Getting married because of an unexpected pregnancy is an unhealthy reason to get married, as can be marrying purely for financial reasons. Having said that, in this current economic climate, lots of people are choosing to make the legal commitment because they would not otherwise be covered by their spouse's health insurance.
It would seem that there are more healthy reasons for cohabitation, and none unhealthy, at least that's what my observations indicated until I chose to live in another country. In Australia, de-facto relationships are the norm, and lots of people never get married. The reason most don't bother can vary; de-facto relationships are recognized by the law in Australia, and the spouse is entitled to health benefits, social security, retirement benefits from their spouse, and proceeds of a will assigned to a legal partner whether married or not.
Here in the U.S. there are numerous problems for people who live together without being married. Most of the benefits mentioned are not automatically granted to a de-facto spouse in the event of death or separation, and overall, people seem to be more religious and cohabitation is frowned upon by some religions. Children can also be disadvantaged due to the lack of legal commitment by their parents.
Some people can live together for a very long time without being engaged or married, and as soon as they make that commitment, disaster can follow shortly afterward. One would be inclined to think that this is more a psychological problem than not. Perhaps we think we are somehow more tied to one place or person if we get married, than if we live with that person as a de-facto. If an unmarried union is working well, it is unhealthy to get married ' just because' of what other people may think. These days, people get married; both go to college, and raise kids. It can be done, but keep in mind that it can be unhealthy to wait too long to have children; more babies are born with birth defects to older parents.
So, are you ready to say I do, or do I have to?
Published by Kerry Mulherin
Kerry is a freelance writer and blogger. She is currently working toward an advanced degree in Industrial/Organizational Psychology with an emphasis on web business, member productivity and motivation, and i... View profile
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9 Comments
Post a CommentI am a single - never married - Australian female of advancing years but still young at heart. My personal view is that for me, it is either single or married. What other people do is their business. I did not choose to be single - I just never found a man who displayed the human qualities I saw in my father, or who could treat me the way he treated my mother - with visible love, respect, admiration and care. I was once told to "lower my expectations" and my response was - "Others can raise theirs if they wish." The bottom line is that I am happy with my life despite being "on the shelf". I would never enter a de-facto relationship and if I ever marry, I would want to write my own ceremony that doesn't include promises that can't be kept. I applaud you for writing such a great article. Everyone is entitled to live life the way they want. Happiness cannot be measured by who you are hooked up with or whether or not you have children.
You raise some good points here.
Good piece, well written. CHILDREN are why people should get married. If you are not mature enough to commit to a marriage, then you are not mature enough to have children, shotgun wedding aside.
Great work on this - you handled the subject well.
Great work Kerry :)
You raised some interesting points, but I believe marriage is preferable to cohabitation. It takes commitment to marry and strive to stay together, but when you have found your life partner, it is worth it.
Sophie
Certainly gives a person something to think about. Nicely presented :)
It's really sad that people don't stay married.. (I didn't either..not because I didn't want to, but my husband didn't want me).. so many marriages end in divorce..it seems smarter to cohabit, and be recognized as a spouse. I don't know why our country doesn't honor it.
Nicely written. Dr. Laura calls a woman who cohabits an "unpaid whore". My grandma says "Why buy the cow when yer gettin' the milk for free?". Both statements are rather harsh, but do share a common thread of conventional wisdom: some folks just wanna enjoy the perks of being married without having to commit to each other, and that just don't work. Now, living together IN ANTICIPATION of marriage is a different matter, in my opinion. But simply 'shacking up' indefinitely is a selfish mindset, as if to say if the road suddenly get rough or "I'm just not feelin' it anymore", then they can just skip away from the arrangement scot free instead of working to get through the tough times that all relationships have (and y'all know I don't mean abuse or adultery).