Marriage: Dating Your Spouse Helps Keep the Fires Burning

The stresses and responsibilities of marriage can overpower the pleasure of dating your spouse. Days seem too short. Demands of jobs and children seem too long. The "perfect" person, joined to you through marriage, turns out to have flaws, just like everybody else. Loving communication may turn to criticism, name-calling, resentments, and a deadly silence. The result? The sparkle of marriage fizzles. Dating your spouse becomes one more chore in an already over-booked day.

Often times, the love is still there, but the marriage becomes weak from lack of attention. Dating your spouse is one strategy that provides the time needed to strengthen a hurting marriage. Do you recall what worked in your courtship? Start there. The rituals that drew you together before marriage can be effectively used after marriage, especially when dating your spouse.

Here are some hints for dating your spouse:

PRACTICE POSITIVE COMMUNICATION THROUGHOUT MARRIAGE

Remember the days before marriage, when you talked for hours and listened to every word your intended had to say? Remember how he or she listened to you, as well, and made you feel like you were the most important person in the world? Remember the simple joy of sharing ideas with one another? Marriage partners want nothing less. According to Diana Milne, Regional Human Development Specialist at University of Missouri Extension Service, certain behaviors foster positive communication in marriage and make dating your spouse more satisfying. Showing affection, listening attentively, being playful, and taking joy in one another's achievements are a few examples. Others include exhibiting empathy, acceptance, and respect. Practicing loving communication with your spouse makes every area of marriage better, including time spent dating your spouse.

MAINTAIN DAILY MARRIAGE "RITUALS" WITH YOUR SPOUSE

Marriage partners sometimes fail to connect on a daily basis, which makes it difficult to connect when dating your spouse. Joyce Fittro, OSU Extension Agent, gives suggestions for keeping love alive in a marriage:

* Start each day with an embrace.
* Send a card or a love-note to your spouse.
* Telephone to say "I love you"
* Complete some chores together and let this time be a sharing time.
* Put on a slow song and dance before retiring for the evening.
* Give your spouse a list of ten terrific memories.
* Plan surprises for each other.
* Share a brief star-gazing evening.
* Set aside time to share events of the day.
* Enjoy a candlelight meal together.
* Always remember the good-night kiss!

Showing consideration and love for your spouse on a daily basis lays the groundwork for dating your spouse.

IDENTIFY WHAT YOU LIKE TO DO WHEN DATING YOUR SPOUSE

It is sometimes difficult to know where to go when dating your spouse. Dinner and a movie is often the standard, but that can become redundant. It is a good idea to identify what you each like to do, and look for activities that match. Be open to new ideas. It is common for spouses to have different interests, but that makes dating your spouse more exciting. Often, one spouse will learn to appreciate activities the other spouse enjoys. Ideas for dating your spouse include sporting events, plays, dance classes, karaoke, going for a drive, estate sales, a candlelight dinner, concerts, a night at the gym, attending craft shows, clubbing, church socials, boating, fishing, hiking, and his and her massages. The possibilities are endless. Search for dating opportunities that spark enthusiasm in you both. The result is an enhanced marriage and renewed enthusiasm for dating your spouse.

Spending time separately with friends is important to marriage. Spouses who balance time effectively between private and spousal time experience greater satisfaction in marriage.

CREATE ANTICIPATION WHEN DATING YOUR SPOUSE

Invite your spouse, a day or two in advance, to go on a date. Your invitation creates something to look forward to. During hectic weeks, the thought of dating your spouse may be a needed "light at the end of the tunnel."

DRESS TO IMPRESS YOUR SPOUSE

Dressing attractively when dating your spouse is just as important as it was before marriage. Dressing well shows enthusiasm for the date, and shows that you still long to impress your spouse. That sets an exciting tone for the evening. When you are able, pamper yourself with something new to wear.

GIVE YOUR MARRIAGE PARTNER UNDIVIDED ATTENTION

When dating your spouse, leave problems at home. Take a prepaid phone to use for emergencies only. Turn down the car radio, and enjoy the sound of each other's voices. Above all, do not talk shop. Giving your spouse undivided attention now yields bonus attention later!

DATING YOUR SPOUSE SOMETIMES HAPPENS WHEN LEAST EXPECTED

Unexpected opportunities for dating your spouse can turn out to be the most fun, and they can create the best memories. An unexpected date with my spouse is a perfect example:

This date with my spouse took place in Scottsdale, Arizona. He attended a company training session there and stayed at a beautiful hotel. He called me at the beginning of the second week and asked me to join him there on Friday. My first thoughts were all the reasons that it would not work: it would be too expensive, it would involve childcare, and it would require new clothes. Thankfully, with his encouragement, I came to my senses and agreed to go. I booked a flight, asked my sister to care for our children, and bought some alluring new outfits. Talk about a marriage booster! Before I knew it, excitement about meeting my spouse raced through every part of me.

The end of the week came and I flew to Scottsdale. I took a van to the hotel and picked up the room key at the front desk. A loving note from my spouse welcomed me. I felt like a woman on a wonderful rendezvous! We enjoyed a lovely dinner at a French restaurant and took in a movie, but mostly we savored undisturbed time to ourselves. The next day we strolled through little shops in Scottsdale, ate lunch at a charming cafe, and drove home. It was a twenty-four hour date, but the memory for us is akin to a second honeymoon.

The demands and responsibilities of marriage sometimes cause us to put dating on the back burner. Making an effort to date your spouse helps
create the sparks you long for. It is not too late to get started. Just pick up the phone, dial your spouse, and say, " "Honey, I miss you. Would you go out on a date with me?" Hopefully, the answer will be an enthusiastic "Yes!"

http://muextension.missouri.edu/EXTENSIONINFONET/article.asp?id+2500
http://ohioline.osu.edu/hyg-fact/5000/5220.html