Marriage: How Do You Do the Math?

Most people think that when you get married you're taking two halves (the two individual people) and you're creating one whole entity (the married unit). This is a myth and I'm about to explain why. In normal mathematics ½ + ½ = 1 but when it comes to marriage there is one thing you must realize: marriage is not an addition so much as it is a multiplication. So when you enter into a marriage you are multiplying that person, you're not adding to them. So then the equation really looks more like 1x1=1. If you try and multiply two halves you only get a quarter, which is probably why there is such a great fraction of people divorced... but that's perhaps another equation with more variables to solve for.

So back to the equation 1x1=1, where does that come from? I'm glad you asked. When you enter marriage, you enter marriage as a whole person. I don't just mean whole physically, but I mean whole mentally, whole spiritually and whole in being. You are whole because that is how God made you. He didn't make you to be a half; you're meant to be a whole. Yes, we all have issues and we all have our stuff that we deal with. Life is itself a process, not an event. We live this life in a constant state of being and development. With that said, you are a whole person.

The myth that marriage involves two halves is false for many reasons. If you're familiar with the book of Genesis from the Bible, woman came out of man. That means that woman was already a part of man. Woman actually means from man going back to biblical terminology. Does this mean that every woman should be married? No. Some people are not meant to be married. It doesn't mean they're not beautiful enough to attract a man, it just means it's not in their purpose and destiny to be married. That aside, if you have woman that comes from man, then marriage is the reunification of man and woman. This is why it is important to marry the right person. By marrying the wrong person you're trying to put something together that wasn't meant to be together. I relate it to two puzzle pieces that don't fit right; say an end piece with a middle piece... it just doesn't work correctly. This could lead to problems, struggles, quarrels, and unfortunately in some cases... divorce.

It's also false because as I stated before marriage is not an addition, it is a multiplication. If marriage were merely an addition, we could possibly tolerate the theory of polygamy. Basically the more the merrier, but such is not the case. One woman to one man, this is what marriage is to be. What the woman brings to the marriage merges with what the man brings to the marriage, it doesn't add anything. If anything it just adds personal possessions and/or baggage. However, in a marriage relationship when you consider strengths and weaknesses there is a merging taking place. What is a strength for one perhaps is a weakness for the other. When I help you in your strength it makes you stronger. When I stand for you in an area that you are weak it makes us stronger. Likewise when you help me in my weakness, I gain strength. I learn from your strengths and you learn from mine. That is multiplication. If it were mere addition then we take the good and the bad and we sum it all up and that's what we have. It's similar to the equation 4+4=8. When you multiply the two however, you get 16, which is twice as much as just adding the numbers together.

Marriage has the same principles... multiplying the strengths and using the resources of the other to help in the weaknesses. So as you're dating and considering marriage be sure to look at the other person's strengths and weaknesses. Cuteness may fade, looks may go, but character has weight. If a person's character isn't what you want, turn around and take another road. If you multiply a positive number with a negative number, you will ALWAYS get a negative number... no matter how big the positive number is. In laymen's terms, no matter how good you are, if you're with someone who isn't doing you any good, then you won't meet your potential.

A good partner brings the best out of you and pushes you to do well. A good partner doesn't let you settle for mediocre but helps you strive for excellence, even if it hurts. A good partner takes the things you are weakest in and finds way to strengthen you. That's what marriage is about. It's not just legal sex and good times, although those are definitely included. Marriage is work. So if you want to multiply ½ and ½ go right ahead, you'll be worse off than when you started... but multiply 1x1 and you'll always get 1. You do the math.