Marriage and Finances: Stay at Home Spouse

One of the most distressing things that I sometimes hear working spouses say to stay at home spouses is some variation of this: "I make the money, so I should decide how it is spent." That very phrase undermines the idea of what a marriage partnership is meant to be. Just because society does not offer a paycheck to someone who takes care of house and home, it does not mean that a stay at home spouse's contributions should not be valued. And it certainly does not mean that a stay at home spouse has no say in the family finances.

Viewing family finances as part of the marriage partnership

In traditional Christian homes, it is assumed that one marriage partner (usually the mother, but not always) will stay at home to take care of the children and of the house. This is a set-up that most feel God has ordained in order for the family to be properly provided for in terms of temporal needs and needs associated with proper nurturing and housekeeping. In this way, the working partner and the stay at home partner have equally important roles. It is a fallacy of society that says that just because one doesn't receive monetary compensation for nurturing children and taking care of the home the work is less important.

Including a stay at home spouse in financial decisions is a vital part of the marriage partnership. Instead of viewing the outside job as separate from what goes on in the home, it should be viewed as part of the whole. The point of the outside job is to ensure that children have what is needed to survive and grow in the world, while the nurturing that goes on at home is designed to help children develop emotionally and spiritually. What each partner does in the marriage should be considered as part of the ultimate goal to create a good home environment. What a stay at home partner contributes to the overall household (even without the recognition of a paycheck) is very important.

Stop and think about the types of things that a stay at home spouse does, all without the worldly gratitude of a paycheck:

• Take care of the children (at all hours of day and night).
• Laundry.
• Cooking.
• Cleaning (vacuuming, dusting, bathrooms).
• Keeping track of appointments.
• Shopping for necessities.
• Providing companionship for you.

While a working spouse may help with some of these items, it is important to note that the stay at home spouse rarely gets "time off." Your work is left at work, and often you do not have to think about it while you are at home. There's always something that needs to be done at home.

The bottom line is that a stay at home spouse does quite a bit, without the thanks of society. It is important to recognize the contributions that a stay at home spouse offers, and understand that these contributions qualify her or him to take part in decisions regarding family finances.