Marriage in Islam: What is it Really like for Muslim Women?

Rumors, hearsay and popular opinion abound in regard to the so-called oppression of Muslim women. The truth is that Islam was the first religion to allow women any marital rights, and it provides women excellent protection within the marriage relationship. As the Quran states in Chapter 30, verse 21 (interpretation) "Among His proofs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves, in order to have tranquility and contentment with each other, and He placed in your hearts love and care towards your spouses. In this, there are sufficient proofs for people who think." In this article, the author will attempt to dispel some of the most common myths and to shed light on the true nature of marriage in Islam.

One of the first myths to be addressed is that of arranged marriage. Many people believe that arranged marriages are actually permitted according to Islam. This idea comes from countries like Iran, Iraq and Afghanistan, where women can, by culture and law, be forced into marriages that are arranged by their parents or guardians. The prophet Muhammed told the believers, "A woman who has been previously married has more right concerning her person than her guardian and a virgin's consent must be asked about herself, her consent being her silence." (Narrated in the books of tradition of Bukhari and Muslim) The idea of a man inheriting his brother's wife upon the death of the brother also falls under this mandate. God commands this in the Quran when He states in chapter 4, verse 19 (interpretation) "O ye who believe! Ye are forbidden to inherit women against their will..." The truth is apparent. A woman has the right to choose her own husband, and to give consent or denial to the prospective husband.

The next myth is that of a husband being permitted to beat his wife. One verse in the entire Quran mentions the permissibility of the striking of a woman. This verse is very often misinterpreted and misquoted by Muslims and non-Muslims alike, in order to "prove" that Islam condones violence against women. In truth, understanding of this verse and the circumstances under which striking is permitted requires that the entire verse be read, along with hadith (traditions of Prophet Muhammed) which clearly illustrate the manner in which the striking is to take place. The Quranic verse (Chapter 4, verse 34) is interpreted as follows:

Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because God has given the one more strength than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore, the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in the husband's absence what God would have them guard.

As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them first, next, refuse to share their beds, and last, beat them lightly; but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means of annoyance: for God is Most High, Great above you all.

In regard to the treatment of women, Mu'awiya al-Qushayri narrated, "I went to the apostle of Allah (pbuh) and asked him: 'What do you say [command] about our wives?' He replied: 'Give them the same food you have for yourself, and clothe them with the same clothes you clothe yourself, and do not beat them, and do not revile them." (Reported by Abu-Dawud)

The final point that must be addressed in this article is the law of polygamy. Polygamy does exist within the bounds of Islam; however, it is not the base, sexually-driven affair that those in Western culture believe it to be. It is also not permitted as a common practice under the strictest dictates of the religion. In fact, polygamy is permitted under such circumstances as there are widows and orphans left behind as the result of war or other hardship.

In the Quran, chapter 4, verse 3, God permits a man to have up to four wives, when He states what is interpreted as meaning, "If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice, two, or three, or four..." He goes on in that same verse to restrict such practice when He says, "...but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with them, then only one, or a captive that your right hands possess. That will be more suitable, to prevent you from doing injustice."

As illustrated, Muslim women are not slaves or chattel to be sold or traded from father to husband. They are not lower creatures to be neglected or mistreated. Most certainly, they are not sexual playthings to be picked up and played with at their husbands' whim, then passed over for another plaything. Instead, Muslim women are to be loved and protected by their husbands-husbands which they have a right to choose for themselves. So, where is the oppression we hear so much about? It is not within the bounds of marriage, for certain.