Marriage Labels and Traditions for Modern Married Couples to Avoid

You lived together for seven years and everything was great, but then you tied the knot. Two months later, everything began to fall apart. Sound familiar? Even if it didn't happen to you, chances are that it did happen to someone you know. Progressive couples often face the unexpected dilemma of peeling away centuries of labels once the marriage papers have been signed. Those who cannot, often end up wondering what went wrong. Yesterday's expectations for husbands and wives rarely apply to successful relationships in the new millennium. To keep your modern marriage strong, avoid the following traditions and labels within your own home.

Marriage Tradition/Label to Avoid #1: The "merge everything" lifestyle. Even if you've lived together before, even the most modern and enlightened couples often find themselves falling into the trap of completely merging every single aspect of their lives together after their wedding contract has been signed. Kids, this is called a "tradition," something that your parents did, and their parents did, and their parents did. It doesn't work so well today for couples who don't actually enjoy sharing each other's deodorant. Keep your personal space....and your sanity.

Marriage Tradition/Label to Avoid #2: The domestic post-marriage wonderland. Traditionally, once couples said "I do," the order of their homes became one of their biggest priorities (usually meaning that the woman took on ten to fifteen more hours of manual labor per week to keep it up). While it isn't always the woman taking on the work today, the same tradition still seems to run strong, causing excess stress and resentment in many marriages. Being married today doesn't necessarily mean having the white picket fence and the home cooked meals. Create a home that makes you both happy without demanding all of your free time. Even better...hire help, and spend the extra time with each other.

Marriage Tradition/Label to Avoid #3: The "caregiver" wife and "provider" husband roles. Wives have been traditionally charged with taking care of those in their homes at all times, no exceptions. Husbands were charged with providing the bulk of the family income, while anything the wife contributed was just "extra." While this may have been the norm in past decades, for today's progressive couples this formula often leads to anxiety and loneliness on the part of the wife and resentment on the part of the husband. While one spouse may earn more than the other, both must contribute to the shared lifestyle in a manner that leaves both feeling fulfilled.

Marriage Tradition/Label to Avoid #4: The leader/follower lifestyle. Whether for religious purposes, personal convictions, or what have you, couples in the past instantly formed leader/follower lifestyles after saying their vows. Traditionally, the leader was the husband and the follower was the wife. Today, perhaps in an attempt to override past inequality, women are taking the lead (some becoming aggressive). However, healthy modern relationships are comprised of two mature adults, not a parental figure and a child figure. Give each other room to contribute, and mess up, as you grow together.

Marriage Tradition/Label to Avoid #5: The childbearing process. Ok, right now some of you are thinking.... "Huh?" However, we still haven't quite emerged from the traditional timeline of courtship, marriage, and then babies. Think, for just a moment, about whether or not you might enjoy living together alone for the rest of your lives. Of course, you don't have forever to make the decision, but it's ok if you didn't marry a person so that the two of you could have a family. Children aren't for every marriage, but even modern couples fall into the mindset that there's something wrong with the choice to stay a two-person family unit forever. However, with career interests, hobbies, and dreams to pursue, many couples find themselves choosing a life alone together rather than a life as mothers and fathers, and that's perfectly acceptable, too.

Marriage Tradition/Label to Avoid #6: The "couples" social lifestyle. Modern married couples don't have to spend their Saturday nights going to dinner parties with other couples. They don't even have to show up together to social events, if they prefer not to . If you like an event or activity that your spouse doesn't care for, go with friends (or alone). If your spouse loves a venue that isn't up your alley, you can rest assured that your marriage contract, believe it or not, doesn't require you to attend. You also aren't required to double date, host engagement or wedding parties for other couples, arrange blind dates for single friends...you get the point.

Marriage Tradition/Label to Avoid #7: The post-marriage isolation. You're a little absorbed with spending every moment together, and that feeling doesn't soon go away (no matter what any bitter couple told you). However, if you're not careful you'll look up a year from now and find that your friends and family have moved on due to the "obligations" that kept you from seeing to their needs. While your marriage relationship comes first, your other relationships are still extremely important. Separate yourself from the hip from time to time and at least invite friends into your home to see how well things are going.

Marriage Tradition/Label to Avoid #8: The "separate everything" lifestyle. Didn't see that one coming after all that talk about keeping your personal space? It's a new phenomenon really. Over the past two or three decades, in an attempt to keep their personal identities in tact, modern married couples have been separating everything from bank accounts to vacations. However, while some separation is necessary, there is a line that can be crossed. Don't miss out on the joys of sharing your lives by putting your own over your spouse's. There's certainly more risk involved, but the point of signing that marriage contract is to have some degree of loyalty. Don't go overboard. Find that perfect level of separate-but-together that works for you.