Marriage Problems

My husband is my best friend, my knight in shining armor, and the love of my life. I still feel that way after 31 years of marriage, which in today's world is almost a miracle. Now for the bad news: for the first eight years of our marriage, I fought the tendency to end it on a regular basis. I was immensely unhappy, and honestly wanted to end it, tried to end it, but something kept holding me back. The problem with leaving was that he had children, two boys, who lived with us, and I loved them very much. If I left my husband, I'd have to leave them as well. And fortunately, I could never bring myself to do it.

At the root of our problems was the cunning disease of addiction. My husband had a severe drug problem and had not yet reached the point of realizing that he needed help. It is virtually impossible to have a functional relationship with a using addict, and our case proved that. By the time he reached out for help, the whole family was pretty sick. But him reaching out and finding recovery truly turned our lives around. All these years later, I understand that it was God who kept us together through the darkness, and it was God who led my husband to recovery. God knew what kind of man was hidden under the sickness that accompanies addiction, and He obviously knew that we belonged together.

The life we enjoy today, after 23 years of recovery, is as close to perfect as I think that real life can ever be. And if I hadn't stayed, I would never have had the opportunity to experience it. We are more in love than we ever have been, and our love continues to grow every day. We respect each other in a way that we probably couldn't if we hadn't faced and survived the turmoil in the past, and we know that together we can weather any storm. We know how to communicate; we can laugh at ourselves and each other; and we can be totally honest. We have fun and enjoy each other's company, but we also share each other's pain and heartache. We share it all, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I thank God every day that he compelled me to tough it out, and I thank Him for what I have now. But it is important to note that there are situations in which one simply cannot afford to tough it out. This huge decision must be made on a case by case basis by the two parties in the marriage, and often with the help of a marriage counselor. There are relationships where physical and/or mental abuse is an issue, for example, that are simply too dangerous to stay involved in. The answer is to ask God, and know that He will point you in the right direction.

Note: Because my husband is in an anonymous recovery program, I asked his permission before I published this article. He gladly gave his permission and asked me to convey that even though he isn't proud of his past, he is not ashamed of it. He went through what he had to in order to get where he is today.