Marriage Problems You Can Fix

Marriage problems show up in the best of marriages. Some of the following marriage problems arise from unrealistic expectations of how a spouse should act. The other marriage problems arise from differences between men and women.

Following are 5 common marriage problems that can be fixed.

Marriage problems occur when we create a fictional persona for our spouse.

We tend to believe that the person we marry is perfect, and that we know how he/she will act in every situation. In truth, no one is perfect. Following is an example of a fictional persona sure to cause marriage problems.

A young girl expresses how amazing her boyfriend is. She says he comes from a stable home, he knows what he wants in life, he's smart, and he loves her. She can't wait to marry him.

In reality, her perfect prince has severe-anger-management problems, skips school, grieves his parents, and dates girls for all the wrong reasons.

The girl has created a fictional persona of him, based on her needs and desires. She doesn't look at the reality of who he is. Hopefully, they won't marry.

Her story isn't uncommon. Too many people create a fictional persona of a person, and then wonder why they experience so many marriage problems after the honeymoon.

Marriage problems occur when we try to change our spouse.

When a marriage partner realizes that the fictional persona of a spouse isn't happening, he/she sets out to change the spouse. Trying to change a spouse triggers marriage problems.

Think of this fictional couple. Her family didn't go to church; now she wants to go to church. Church was forced on him; he wants no part of it.-- She moved every 3 years through childhood. She likes the idea of settling in his small-town. He feels stifled by his small-town and wants to move away.-- His idea of recreation is fishing. Her idea of recreation is dressing up to see a play. Is it any wonder so many couples have marriage problems?

Spouses, trying to change each other, cause marriage problems. Acceptance and compromise help a marriage work better.

Marriage problems arise when wives ask too many questions.

Husbands don't talk as much as wives do. Women not only talk, but like to ask a lot of questions:

"Why are you eating a sandwich for breakfast?" "Why do you make your coffee so strong?" "Why do you drive this way, when you could drive that way?" Why, why, why?

Men don't need so many details, but women do! Husbands learn patience through their more talkative wives. Wives learn to minimize frivolous questions for their less-talkative husbands.

Marriage problems occur when husbands try to solve problems for wives.

When a wife has a problem, she likes to talk it through, maybe a few times. She needs her husband to listen to her without telling her what to do.

Husbands often want to take charge, solve the problem, and move on. This dynamic causes marriage problems. A skillful husband actively listens to his wife without imposing judgments or solutions. He builds up his wife when he trusts her to solve her own problems.

Thus, all married couples experience conflict. Some marriage problems are tougher than others. Solving conflicts in marriage involves isolating the source(s) of conflicts` and then doing the work it takes to eliminate them. Having a fulfilling marriage is well-worth the work.

Source: Life Experience, Social Work