Marriage Proposal No-No's for Men and Women

Dr. Jamie Yvette
A marriage proposal is serious business. That being said, if you're going to pop the question, it's important to get it right the first time. There's a slew of information out there on creative ways to propose to your significant other, but how do you know what not to do? If you are in need of a few pointers (or know someone who could really use them), by all means, read on!

Proposal no-no's for men:

1. Don't propose via telephone. I know of a woman whose boyfriend proposed to her via cell phone while she was pushing her shopping cart through the aisles at Wal-Mart. As her significant other spent five minutes or so professing his undying love for her over the phone, she searched frantically for her favorite hair gel. She was so preoccupied that she didn't even hear the proposal! This is only one example, but think about the other potential risks, such as your proposal being interrupted by Call Waiting, or your call being unexpectedly dropped. This would certainly kill the mood and destroy an intimate moment that should best be shared in person.

2. Don't propose while intoxicated. You've had one drink too many. Then suddenly, you have an epiphany: it's time to settle down, so what the hell? You're not getting any younger, right? Besides, she looks better than ever today - sexy thing! Why didn't you notice before now how much she resembles Halle Berry? You know why? Because you weren't drunk! Make sure you're sober when you pop the question so that you won't have to renege the next day.

3. Don't propose in order to have sex. She's saving herself for marriage and you feel like you've found a gold mine. Of all the women you've dated, you've never met someone so pure, so precious... This one's definitely a keeper. But as your hormones begin to react to the subliminal messages she's sending you with her eyes, you anticipate what a pivotal moment in your relationship it will be when you consummate your union. Before you pop the question though, make certain that it's the woman you want and not the chase! Sometimes the thrill of the chase can consume you to the point where you make premature decisions you may later regret.

4. Don't propose without the ring. Unless neither of you believes in wearing engagement rings or wedding bands, make sure you have the ring somewhere on your person when you propose. This may sound like a very shallow, materialistic bit of advice, but keep in mind that as your lady love brags to her friends, family members and coworkers about the fact that the two of you recently got engaged, the first thing they'll probably want to know is how you proposed, and the second thing is what type of ring you bought her. Just think of how much happier she'll be as she proudly flashes her engagement ring while recapping the details of how you popped the question. You don't want her to have to explain that you're paying for it in installments because you don't have enough money to get it just yet. She may start off being very understanding, but over time your engagement is bound to become very stressful as she continually looks at her bare ring finger.

Proposal no-no's for women:

1. Don't propose if he's married. Does this really require further explanation? For some women apparently, it does. If the love of your life is any of the following - married but thinking about leaving his wife, married but not in love with his wife, married but separated from his wife, married but sleeping in a different bedroom from his wife, married but living in a different city or state than his wife, or any variation of these scenarios - you cannot be his wife! Know why? Because he already has one! Leave this married man alone. You deserve better (and so does his wife).

2. Don't propose in your birthday suit. Can you spell m-a-n-i-p-u-l-a-t-i-o-n? If you know that your honey loves to see you naked, don't use that to entice him into accepting your proposal. He probably won't be in his right mind, and he might say "yes" without really meaning it. Or, if your body is the one "exception" to the many things he adores about you, you just might mess up your chances of becoming "the Mrs." by proposing in the buff - unless he has a really good sense of humor.

3. Don't propose during a football game (or any other major sporting event if he is a sports fan). If you can even have a halfway decent conversation with your guy during a football game, you're doing better than most women! Regardless, it's best to show some respect for his love of the game and just wait until the game is over. Oh yeah - and make sure that his team won! If they lost, you should probably try another day. Otherwise, you'll be setting yourself up for disappointment.

4. Don't propose if you're having a bad hair day. Perhaps he'll find it cute that your head looks like a giant fuzz ball as you pour your heart and soul out to him about how much you want to spend the rest of your lives together, but do you really want your sweetheart to carry this vision around with him for years to come? What if you're trying to gaze passionately into his eyes and all he can do is stare at your hair? Better to be safe than sorry and pay a visit to your beautician before you pop the question.

Granted, there are instances in which couples have successfully become betrothed using one or more of the above methods and eventually went on to experience marital bliss. However, these results are not typical! When in doubt, it's better to be safe than sorry.

Published by Dr. Jamie Yvette - Featured Education Contributor

Dr. Jamie Yvette is a passionate and versatile writer whose expansive library on AC is a reflection of her diverse writing interests.  View profile

15 Comments

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  • Dan7/29/2008

    Don't propose on a bad HAIR day? What are you a doctor of, veterinary studies?

  • Sherry W12/29/2007

    This is great... funny stuff.

  • Shanika11/5/2007

    I gotta disagree with number 4 (men's no no). I think a ring should be symbolic of a commitment, not of how much money your husband makes. I've never understood why women are consumed with the size of a ring. I find it kinda disgusting. Ok, rant over. Fantastic article. I love your humor!

  • Lisa Riggs10/28/2007

    :) Great read!!!

  • Candice W.9/22/2007

    This was great! Very true and funny!

  • Josienita Borlongan9/21/2007

    I like the way you used humor to enumerate these no-nos...great, fun read!

  • Anony mouse9/21/2007

    ...you should probably add to the list "must actually know the person you're proposing to, and not propose to them on the set of their new movie or at their live show." Chances are that actors and rockstares that you will say "no" to your proposition if they have no idea who you are....

  • Dr. Jamie Y. Marable9/19/2007

    So true Sophie! Certain circumstances do warrant understanding and flexibility. Thanks for sharing your story!!!

  • Sophie9/19/2007

    This is such a great article! My husband proposed to me twice. The first time was over the phone as we were living on two separate continents at the time (so there wasn't any other way to do it really) and then he got down on one knee with the ring when I turned up at the airport a week before our wedding! Sometimes you just need to adapt the proposal to fit in with your particular circumstances... such as geography!
    Sophie

  • Dr. Jamie Y. Marable9/18/2007

    I can only imagine what that wedding album must look like Jacques! LOL. Oh my... Thanks Mommy, Carol and Bridgitte for your comments!!!

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