Marriage: the Urhobo Way

The Urhobo people are natives of Delta state, Nigeria. There have a unique way of performing wedding ceremonies popularly referred to as "native law and custom."

A young man seeking the hand of a lady in marriage makes his intentions known to his father and mother, who will carry out "investigations" about the girl's family. The investigation is done in order to know if the girl's family have any history of inherited illness, defects, attitudes etc. If the girl's family have been certified fit for marriage, the wedding arrangements will be made with permission from the girl's father.

A list will be presented to the bridegroom with items for him to purchase; items such as wrappers for his future mother and father in-law, a cap and walking stick for his future father in-law and food items. After the purchase of all these items, he presents them to his future in-laws.

On the wedding day, the girl's family will welcome their future son in-law with kola nuts, spirits and bottles of beer.

The catch is, whatever the girl's family presents to their future son in-law, he would have to reciprocate the gesture by giving them twice as much gifts as they have given to him (this is done in order to prove that the man is financially well-off to look after their daughter).

The father or male family member of the bridegroom starts by telling the father of the bride that they have come to pluck a beautiful flower from his garden and that they will take the flower back to their place and nurture it. Every time the bride groom gets up to speak, he presents the elders with a bottle of schnapps (if he doesn't do this, he would not be allowed to speak). The bride price is then discussed and when they reach a conclusion, the girl will be asked to show her face.

Two different women (covered up) will be presented to the bridegroom, who after seeing their faces, will say that "this not the flower we have come for", but not withstanding, he will be mandated to "spray" (pour lots of money over their heads) them. The third girl presented to him will be his bride; he will spray her as well.

The girl's parents will pray for the both of them and the bride groom will be warned by the bride's parents that he should never beat-up their daughter for any reason whatsoever. The parents of the bride will present her with lots of gifts to take to her new home. She will hug all her friends, her siblings and give them little gifts to remember her by.

The bride is escorted to her husband's house, on the way to his house; certain people will stop them on the way and ask the groom to pay some money so that he can take his bride home. (This is done 3 times)

Marrying the native way can be pretty exhausting, because the bride's family will want to ensure that the bride groom appreciates the trouble he went to through in order to prove his love, and so will not take his hard earned wife fore granted.