Marriage Versus the Piece of Paper Syndrome
Let's tackle what marriage is really about, and why it can not in any way be lowered to the status of just a piece of paper. Firstly marriage is a very serious commitment between two people. They are willing to trust each other enough to blend their lives, and not only share their possessions, and their heart, but their legal responsibilities, and that which they accumulate together. In other words they are willing to share. No easy way out here, once you are married to undo the knot, you would need to get a divorce. This is no easy task. So. in essence what you are saying when you marry, is that you are willing to go out on a limb and take a chance, because that person is worth it.. Often times when two are married they not only have made a legal commitment to each other, but many make their vows before God, which in many couple's minds makes their promises, and their bond that much stronger. You are committing yourself for a lifetime. Last but not least because a couple is married it does give couples many more options legally in a number of various areas. Just try and make decisions in a hospital for your live in lover who's in a coma. If you are not married you are no more than a friend of the family. This may not effect you today, but there are no guarantees in life that someday, you may wish you had gotten married.
Couples that believe marriage is just a piece of paper are not only short changing themselves, but their partner as well. People who tend to believe this way may have a problem with commitment . I'm not saying they may bot stay together for a long time, but what I am saying is, they are the type of people deep down inside who need to have that quick way out to hang on to. They may not use it, but it must be there. So then, where is the comfort in knowing they'll be there through thick and thin? There's a funny thing about easy outs, when they are available we tend to count on them, and then take them as well. I truly believe from all the couples I have known that just lived together, that they are really not thinking about forever when it comes to the relationship. You may be saying, so what? Well, Most human beings like and even crave security, whether it be in love, money, jobs, or any other important area. When a human being does not have that to hold onto, it can cause problems in the relationship, that may not happened if they were married. Do you have any idea how many people have abandonment issues from their childhood? Couples who think it's just a piece of paper have a lot to learn, including about trust. Many of these couples are scared to death if they had a spouse, they would take them to the cleaners if they got divorced.. Sounds like someone doesn't trust their live in lover, doesn't it? You can get run over just as easy by a live in lover, as you can a spouse, only with the latter you have no legal legs to stand on. My point of all this, that many of these couples are afraid of one thing or another that keeps them from that piece of paper, as they call it. Again, if it's just a piece of paper as they so eloquently put it, then what's the big deal? The big deal is they really are afraid of the commitment.
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What stimulated me to write this article is that I finally realized what was going on. In one sense some couples are saying it's just a piece of paper, but then I got to thinking, then if it's just a piece of paper why are you so afraid of it? In that respect, what their saying does not make any sense. Those who have been married and had enough courage to put their love on the line for the one they love, and to commit for a lifetime to love, honor, and cherish are way ahead of those whose say, no promises here, let's just see how it all goes!
Published by Hannah
I am a former child & family counselor, and now retired. I am proud to be a U.S Air Force Vietnam Era Veteran. I enjoy writing articles on Relationships, Dating, Marriage, Parenting and much more! I hope you... View profile
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9 Comments
Post a CommentI don't think I'm afraid of commitment. I'm not against marriage--however--I just think it is a waste of time... especially when you see those women who spend way to much money and handle it SO superficially... it's just disgusting.
Personally, though I think it is a waste of time, I know I don't have commitment problems. It isn't that difficult to get a divorce unless one or both of you is rich then you have to decide who gets what--me and my friends are poor (from my friend's experience, it is a $100, notarizing and some paperwork). I think you can live with someone for a long time without having to make it official. Why not? Nowadays marriage does not mean forever because divorce is so prevalent. The only plus to marriage I see is getting gov't benefits. That's all.
Like guest guest, I've def. seen people marry because their relationship is on the rocks thinking it will magically bring them closer. It doesn't.
This is why I don't buy the argument that same-sex couples don't need to be able to marry, because domestic partnership is just as good. For all the reasons you cited in this article, they need that official recognition--not just the "piece of paper" but also all the legal, social, and emotional trappings that go with it.
I'm thinking of e-mailing your article to my sister-in-law. She is 38, has been with the same boyfriend since she was 14, they have two teenage daughters, and guess what? are not married! She earns 2 or 3 times his salary, and has put everything in the house in her name, including the mortgage. She says that her little brother and I are not really commited because we eloped instead of having a full blown wedding (look who's talking!), and uses the "just a piece of paper" argument. Well, if it was just a piece of paper, and if she wanted to act as if she was married, she would share everything equally with her guy, not put all the papers in her name only.
Guset Guest: Well, unfortunately in rare cases you may be right, however, in most cases you aren't.
Oops, it cut me off. Here's the rest.
..or who cheat and don't get out because they don't want to deal with the hassles of an expensive divorce or are ashamed by the stigma of divorce. I'd never want someone to stay with me for those reasons.
Also, people who co-habitate are already trusting each other enough to blend their lives together and are willing to share, married or not.
Marriage doesn't guarantee someone will love you forever or be faithful to you forever. It does, however, make it harder for them to leave. That sounds like fear to me.
Many people think a marriage license makes people more committed to each other, but I think how seriously committed you are, how willing you are to tough it out through the hard times, depends on how reliable you are in general and how much you value your partner, NOT whether you've obtained a marriage license yet. If you aren't committed before the wedding day, you're not going to magically become more committed afterwards.
For example, many people stand before God and recite their vows only to later commit adultery. By your reasoning, stating those vows should've made their promises stronger, but it doesn't. THIS is an example of taking the easy way out, not someone who doesn't want to get married.
I personally think relationships should be easy to get out of. If you make it financially difficult for your partner to leave you, then you run the risk of your partner staying with you because they HAVE to rather than because they WANT to. Many people stay in loveless marriages or c
JP: Of course this does not apply to everyone. I believe most people are intelli gent enough to know that. Also, in my article on the 2nd page at the top, I clearly state people like this MAY have a commitment problem, it doen't necessarily mean ALL do. I can only relate what I have seen professionally and personally, which of course does not include all people. So, please do not take any offense. There are always exceptions to any rule!
I'm in a domestic partnership relationship. We made a committment, but as we both have grown children found it fiscally more responsible to co-habitate. There's nothing wrong with my ability to committ. Marriage is only a piece of paper. It is broken as easily as a relationship like ours that has lasted since 1986. If I were of child bearing age, that would be totally different, but I'm not. There is no one answer why people choose to live to gether rather than marry, so it seems a bit presumtious to classify everyone under one barrel. Pop psychology doesn't work in our situation.
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