Marriage and the Way Men and Women Think

Just as men and women are different physically, they also think in different ways. Unless this is understood and allowances made, it can lead to great fiction in a marriage. Although everyone is unique, there are certain areas which commonly need attention in a union and these need to be worked on.

The Basic Difference Between Male and Female Thought Patterns

In their book, Incompatibility, Still Grounds for a Great Marriage (Multnomah Publishers, 2006), Chuck and Barb Snyder state that men are usually motivated by things and actions whereas women are more relational and think about life and friendships. These motivations lead to them approaching life from completely different viewpoints.

How Do Thoughts Affect a Marriage

A shopping trip is a good example of how thoughts and motivations can cause friction. A man normally has a goal in mind - for example to buy a set of screwdrivers. He will generally head straight to the hardware store, find what he wants, pay, and go home.

A woman may approach a shopping trip with a specific goal such as a new set of towels but thrives on shopping along the way. She may visit three or four stores that sell towels, browse through several other shops and enjoy a cup of coffee before deciding which towels to purchase.

Motivation and Deep Levels of Communication in Marriage

While friction may arise over surface issues, heartache and emotional pain result when men and women don't understand each other's deepest needs. Chuck and Barb Snyder point out that a man is task-oriented and a woman relationship-oriented. This can cause serious problems when a man tries to fix a situation through logical reasoning, whereas the woman needs to simply talk about it. She is looking for compassion and understanding and he is looking for action and resolution.

Working Together to Heal a Marriage

For a marriage to be healthy and function well, partners have to understand their mate and their approach to life. This inevitable involves some discussion and compromise on both sides. It often helps to plan time together doing activities that both enjoy as well as allowing alone time.

Talking is Important in a Marriage

Talking is a vital channel of communication and if people are aware of their partner's motivation, they can filter their conversation through that understanding. For example, if a woman asks her husband if she looks fat and he suggests she join a gym class, he has missed the point. It is likely that she was looking for reassurance that he loved her as she is and finds her attractive.

Marriage is a lifelong commitment and it takes work and communication to keep it alive and fresh. Understanding the differences in the way men and women think is a great step towards living in harmony together.

Recommended Reading: Snyder, Chuck and Barb. Incompatibility, Still Grounds for a Great Marriage. Multnomah Publishers, 2006. ISBN 13: 978-1590528167