Marriage is Work: How to Make Your Marriage Work

No one said marriage would be easy. For most people it is hard work, very hard work. But, there is hope if couples are willing to meet the challenge.

What happens to the love between two people? Does it simply fade away? Or is it just buried under layers of stress, pressure, anxiety? Marriages usually start off blissfully. Two people love each other and care for each other so much that they vow to spend the rest of their lives together in perfect harmony. But, it doesn't always work out that way.

I have been married for four years, but somedays it feels like forever. My husband and I have been together for almost twelve years, counting the years we dated. We have a three and a half year old son. Having children after marriage is very common for most couples. I would recommend that if you are just getting married or are a newlywed to maybe wait a year or so before having children. I think it is really important to build a strong foundation and to live with your partner for awhile to be able to feel each other out and to see how merging the two individuals into one household is going to work. Sometimes this can be a very shocking transformation for people. If you can't decide on paint colors and decor, how are you going to make even bigger decisions together?

I also think it is very important to be on the same page financially. You can't have one spouse that is a spender and one that is a saver. This can create a lot of unecessary headaches financially. Keep in mind that most people do not change and you are not very likely going to change your spouses spending habits. It's best to lay out a financial plan or even get a financial planner to set things in motion for you. Living within your means will help reduce future financial problems and headaches that can ulimtately lead to divorce. Also, it is a wonderful feeling to know that your financial future together will be secure after the kids are raised and you can get back to spending time together without the burden of debt. One of the best financial tools anyone could have given me is a book called, "The Total Money Makeover". It has helped my husband and I to get on the same page financially and pay off most of our debt. We now are investing our money into IRA's and money market accounts to secure our retirement together.

As couples we also need to work on the romance. It is hard to make time between jobs, kids, and outside activities. But, if we only set aside one day a month or if we are lucky one day a week to spend "couple time" together or a "date night" we will be much happier in our relationships. One of the biggest problems we face as married couples is that we sometimes forget what it was like to go on a date or just be the people we used to be. We devote our lives to our jobs and raising our kids that we forget that when the kids are grown up, we may not have a relationship with our spouse anymore because we didn't make time for them. It is important to make sacrifices for kids also, but we still need to be able to be lovers to our spouse so that they don't forget that we care about them too.

I think that the most important thing we can do to make a marriage work is to communicate with our spouse. We really need to be honest with each other. I haven't mastered the gift of mind reading yet, and most people never do, so I have to work extra hard at reading between the lines. It is so much easier just to be honest and then work through things. We can walk around all day in silence, but it doesn't solve anything. It usually just compounds the situation when it could be easily resolved by just being honest.

So, what about work? What if you never see each other? How do you make that work? Well, this is complicated. I would suggest that if this can be changed by any means necessary, to do so. Yes, we need our jobs and it is a double edged sword, but our families need us too. All of the money in the world cannot buy a family or memories that could have been made. But if you can't change your situation then I think that making special time for each other is necessary. Take one day or evening to just be with each other. It gives everyone something to look foward to and it makes it a lot easier to get through the week if you never see each other. Otherwise you build up resentment and anger.

Yes, marriage is hard work. The good news is that marriages can work. It just takes effort, sacrifice, and compromise to get through the tough times. The best way to make a marriage work is to be proactive. Be prepared , be honest, and plan ahead. It will be much easier to overcome the obstacles if you plan for them.