Marriage - a Work in Progress

As a veteran of an 18 year marriage, I won't lie to you and tell you that marriage is a bed of roses. Its hard work! Often it's the wife that puts more into the relationship.

By today's standards of having it all, the old standards of marriage have fallen by the wayside. In the bye gone days that we imagine to be our past, marriage was viewed as the woman kept the house, and the husband brought home the paycheck.

These days, women feel that they should work full time, while their husband should take on the responsibility of housework, childcare, cooking and budgeting as well as working.

Many people forget that in those 'bye gone' days where we all believe that mothers stayed home and doted on their children, our memories are false. Women did work both inside and outside the home. Many took in washing/ironing, cleaned houses, and other jobs to make ends meet.

Let me use my grandmother for an example. During the years of the depression, my grandfather was one of the few men who had a constant income. He didn't feel that much of it belonged to the family. He spent most of it on drinking and gambling.

With three daughters to care for, my grandmother worked many interesting jobs to bring in income so they could survive. One such job was a 'Bean Boss'.

As a Bean Boss, she lived in a shanty or tent on the bean field with the girls for the summer. The girls also spent their time earning money for their school clothes by picking beans.

Not an idyllic childhood for young girls. What did my mother and her sisters learn from their experiences?

1. Work for what you want.
2. Marriage is a sacred union. (Only one sister went through a divorce because of physical abuse, their mother stayed married to their father until his death many years later, and yes, he stopped drinking and gambling when his daughters became adults.)
3. Men are different than women!

Men are different than women. Let's face it gals, that's why we married one. In the short term, my husband wooed me with flowers and gifts. He was contentious and hung on my every word.

Eighteen years and four children later, he seems to be deaf. In reality its selective hearing and he's quite good at it. I worked for many years outside of the home, but now that I work from home he is much happier.

I'm not one that caters to his every whim, and his expectations are small. He enjoys dinner on the table by a 6:30 in the evenings, clothes washed, and the house picked up when he gets home.

Working from home allows me to do that for him. While working outside of the home, I was overly tired to take care of those simple matters until the weekend. Our lives were often chaotic both on the weekdays just scrambling for dinner each evening through the weekend playing catch-up to put the house back in order and wash clothes.

On a daily basis, I listen to his ups and downs at work, I rub his back when it's injured, and often detract children from harassing him during his cool down period after work.

Although I'm lucky to have a backrub every five years, he does stop and give me a warm bear hug. He takes the time to make sure we go out to a movie just as a couple on occasion. He also takes care of the yard, cars and takes out the garbage. I believe women do more visually on a daily basis, but our husbands are there for us when we least expect it. They know when we're at our breaking point. During the course of a year, my husband definitely puts back into the relationship the same amount I do, just in different ways.

Keep your man, even though it may look like another cute guy is just 'perfect' as you notice the flaws in yours…chances are he'll probably have most of the same flaws as your hubby!