Marriage:Tips for Fighting Fair

When you are angry with someone, it is hard to think clearly. The difference between fair and unfair points seems rather moot, or at least, we seem not to be able to tell the difference. It's easy to sling mud and act immaturely. Presence of mind is the last thing anyone is worried about when upset. However, there are a few rules that I always try to follow. I can honestly say that because of these rules, my boyfriend and I have never gone to sleep angry at each other.

1. Never bring up the past.

It's immature, and it won't score points. The past is just that, and you can't change it. Dredging it up makes the other person feel like they will never be forgiven. It also opens another door you may not want opened (the door to your past).

2. Talk. Don't yell.

I know that one is hard. It's one that I struggle with myself, but it's easier to listen to a person that is speaking rationally. It is also easier to get that person to speak rationally to you. If your tone stays in a moderate range, the other person is less likely to jump on the defensive.

3. No name calling. Idiot, stupid, retard, I could go on and on.

These names only serve to take an argument to another level. They don't help the situation; they only harm. Try to refrain from hurting the other person. It could potentially start another argument. Mean spirited things that you say now can manifest themselves at a later time when you least expect it.

4. Never bring other people into the fight.

While it feels good to have someone on your team taking your side, it can be detrimental to a relationship. It never feels comfortable to have someone gang up on you. That person will likely become a permanent enemy to your mate, and they may even think they have the right to express unwanted opinions and advice from now on.

5. Don't get physical.

Violence never solves anything. In fact, it only acts to make things worse. You never want your mate to fear you, and winning an argument with fear isn't solving the real issue.

5. It's OK to walk away.

If you feel you are about to break any of the rules, then it is OK to walk away and cool off for a while. Come back to the discussion later when you have more control.