Marrying Someone with Children

If you are engaged to someone who already has children, you should be prepared to deal with certain things. You will probably have some interaction with the children's other parent. You will need to be respectful of the relationship both parents have with the children.

Do not become the disciplinarian. You should gently support your partner, but it is not your place to decide whether the children should be allowed to have dessert if they have not eaten dinner. If you believe that there is a discipline issue that needs to be addressed, discuss it in private with your partner. Remember that the final decision on how to handle situations involving the children is not yours to make.

Do not neglect or avoid the children. If you have made the decision to spend your life with someone who already has children from a previous relationship, then you should involve the children. Take them to the park, out to dinner, or to the movies when you go out with your fiance.

Never complain about the children. You have chosen to become engaged to someone who already has children. You do not have the right to complain about them.

When planning your marriage ceremony, be sure to suggest involving the children. Young boys and girls can be ring-bearers and flower girls. Tweens and teens can be junior ushers and bridesmaids. If your fiance has adult children, they can serve as maid-of-honor, best man, ushers, bridesmaids, or they can even give the bride away.

Understand that even if your intended spouse does not currently have physical custody of the children, that could change. You may find that the children have to live with you after you are married. If you cannot handle that possibility, then you should reconsider the marriage.

If the children are young, you will want to sit them down to discuss what the upcoming marriage will mean to them. Assure them that you will be there to support and protect them, but that you will not try to replace their parent. With older children, just assure them how much you care about your future spouse. Let them know that they are welcome to visit you with any questions or concerns they may have.

You need to be willing to accept all aspects of your future spouse's life including the children. You must make every effort to get along with them whether they are young or adult. When you marry their parent, they will become a part of your life as well.