Mastering Interpersonal Communication Skills

Effective interpersonal communication skills are essential to social interaction, and to the building and maintenance of all relationships. Poor communication skills can cause irrevocable damage to relationships; affecting productivity, satisfaction, performance, morale, trust, respect, self confidence, and even physical health. Many people have not learned to communicate effectively with respect and regard for others, leaving relationship quality to suffer the consequences.

Relationships have a tremendous impact on every aspect of life; communication is the core of deep and meaningful relationships. Even when innate affection exists in relationships, communication can become inhibited: feelings not put into words, or not listening when another person is speaking. Instead, we leave a void of silence by disengaging from the relationship, or create a permanent rift by attacking one another. Good communication skills allow us to bridge this gridlock.

Interpersonal communication skills allow individuals to advance conversation skills, overcome shyness, negotiate and resolve conflict, and influence (but not manipulate) the decisions and actions of others. Poor communication is frequently the root of conflict and misunderstandings, and can be avoided or minimized by establishing one's own intent, and discerning the intent of others. Differences can be resolved through gentle, honest, straight-forward speaking, instead of an abusive, hostile, or harassing exchange. Conflict cannot be eliminated entirely; however, when the occasion arises, constructive communication is needed to negotiate a resolution.

Communication skills are enhanced by prosocial skills, and the ability to empathize with others. Prosocial refers to the ability to initiate constructive actions, without regard for personal profit. Prosocial skills are important in communication because they incorporate personal accountability and respect for the opinions of others (Kidron & Fleischman, 2006). Empathy is a form of emotional bonding with others, and allows one to put oneself in another's situation, to understand the "why" behind the actions. Prosocial skills and the ability to empathize allow an individual to monitor, advocate, manage impulses, and regulate emotions. These skills are particularly useful when asking for a raise, applying for a job, setting limits or boundaries, avoiding needless confrontations, or maintaining composure when confrontations do arise.

To improve interpersonal communication skills it is important to know the audience, understand the purpose of the conversation, and organize thoughts prior to speaking. Interpersonal communication should be sincere. Participants should respond with complete honesty; remain aware of tone, voice inflection, speech cadence, and body language. Good listening skills should be put into practice by staying focused, restating details, and asking for clarification when needed.

"Good relationships fulfill basic needs for belonging and nurturance; the social support provided by relationships buffers the negative impact of life stressors." (Schutte, Malouff, Bobik, Coston, Greeson, Jedlicka, Rhodes, & Wendorf, 2001, p 530) Interpersonal skills can be developed and improved within relationships by communicating feelings effectively, setting clear boundaries, and negotiating the changes necessary for relationship transformation.

The need for thoughtful, effective communication in the workplace is paramount. Seldom does an employee work in absolute isolation, instead, workers interact with consumers, peers, and management on a daily basis; this makes interpersonal communication an essential skill for today's employees. Interpersonal skills are relevant when attempting to maintain consumer relations, such as when a consumer issues a complaint or when a consumer's request has to be denied. Today's employers look for quality skills in interpersonal communication, critical thinking, and problem-solving, not just the ability to complete job duties.

Interpersonal communication can be priceless in repairing a dysfunctional marriage or other personal relationship. Pierce (1973) states, "A central problem plaguing a great many couples who enter marriage counseling is a poor level of interpersonal communication. This experience is expressed in the common refrain of 'he (she) doesn't understand me.'" (p. 223) Couples who are unable to communicate effectively by discussing their feelings and ideas will find their relationships, including their sexual relations, eventually break down. The author has found, via personal experience, when communication problems exist in a relationship, and an attempt is made to share feelings, the ensuing result can be more hurt, rejection, and misunderstandings, ending in a complete avoidance of intimate communication and the erection of emotional barriers. Interpersonal communication skills are employed by sharing experiences, personal achievements, desires, and dreams.

The most important thing in maintaining successful relationships, both personal and professional is the use of empathetic interpersonal communication. Respect is earned through our commitment to promises, how we treat others, and the challenges we struggle through, but more importantly, if you want to be respected, you must respect others. One cannot go wrong by following The Golden Rule, "do to others, as you would have them do to you." After all, everyone deserves to be treated with dignity, decency, and respect.

References

Kindron, Y., & Fleischman, S. (2006). Promoting Adolescents' Prosocial Behavior. Educational Leadership, 63(7), 90-91.

Pierce, R. M. (1973). Training in interpersonal communication skills with the partners of deteriorated marriages. Family Coordinator, 22(2), 223-227.

Schutte, N. S., Malouff, J. M., Bobik, C., Coston, T. D., Greeson, C., Jedlicka, C., Rhodes, E., & Wendorf, G. (2001). Emotional intelligence and interpersonal relations. Journal of Social Psychology. 141(4), 523-536.