Maximize Your Customer Service Call

We all have a few things in common. We are born; we will die; and somewhere in between we will call an 800 customer service number. I have had the pleasure of being on both ends of these calls. As a customer, I have called computer hardware and software manufacturers, banks and credit card companies. As a call center agent, I have taken just about every call under the sun from basic product ordering to highly technical, software support. If you want fast and efficient service when calling a customer support line, there are some definite guidelines to follow. Whether you are calling to get basic information, fix a problem, or file a complaint, you will find that applying the following tips will make your experience much more enjoyable and effective.

It helps to know how a call center operates. It is much easier to work the system when you know how the system works. For the most part, call centers are miserable places. This is painting with a broad brush, but they have been referred to as the "factory floors of the 21st century." Employees are poorly compensated and have little chance for promotion. Depending on the type of support they provide, they are dealing mostly with frustrated and irate callers for the majority of their day. Knowing this is a key to dealing effectively with your agent. One of the bright spots in their day is to be complimented, especially if you can pass that compliment on to their supervisor. Be complimentary whenever possible. Remember, the basic courtesies that your mother taught you will get you much closer to your goal. "Please" and "thank you" are always appreciated.

Like any business today, call centers depend on computers. The agent you are speaking with is typing busily on their computer the entire time you are with them. You must remember that they are following a scripted software program to capture and retrieve the information necessary to solve your problem or order your product. The call will go much more smoothly if you answer their questions when asked. Do not get ahead or go off track. For example, it does no good to start rattling off your credit card number before the agent is ready to capture it. Be patient and follow the agent's lead. The transaction will be completed much more quickly than if you constantly interrupt, causing the agent to back up, repeat their questions, and escalate your frustration.

Now the cardinal rule of calling a call center: You are not calling a call center. You are not calling a company. You are not calling a nebulous entity. You are calling a human being. If you miss their name at the beginning of the call, ask them to repeat it. Then use it and use it frequently. Use it correctly, respectfully, and never condescendingly. Using someone's name is instant rapport. It also reminds you that you are speaking with a human being not a machine. These people are honestly trying to help you. You can help them help you by respecting the fact that they are people just like you.

Machines are a completely different topic. We all absolutely hate the automated menu system. "Press 1 for your balance. Press 2 if you pet left a mess on the rug. Press 3 if you suffer from frequent sty outbreaks. Press star-pound-twelve while facing north if you are calling about the results of your recent Chlamydia test." The menus can get deep, confusing and frustrating, but they are there for a reason. The automated menus are designed to answer the most frequently asked questions or route you to the appropriate department. There's a chance that what you need can be handled by the recording, but let's face it, if you have resorted to calling, you probably have an issue that requires a human being. The web site, http://www.gethuman.com/us/, lists how to short circuit the menu system of many companies' customer service numbers and reach a human more quickly. If you find yourself in menu hell, shunted to Dante's ninth level, a complete dead end, call back and choose the "sales" option. The sales office is normally always open and always staffed by humans. If they can't transfer your call, at least they can provide you with the correct number.

So now you are armed with the knowledge of how the system works. You are keeping in mind that you are speaking with a real, live human with feelings. What else can you do to speed things up and have a positive call experience?

1. Don't talk over the agent. You will just lengthen the call. Most agents are required to repeat the information that you give. They are not repeating it because they missed what you said. They are repeating it as a matter of policy, for accuracy, and because the call is recorded. Many transactions have required readings, such as legal disclaimers, that the agent must read in full. Let them finish. It may be annoying, but if you interrupt, they will have to begin again.

2. Don't be condescending. Never tell your agent that they don't know their job or talk down to them because they have what you consider to be an accent. Unless they are new, they know their job very well. They've been through training to use the software and answer your questions. If they are new and you are the patient type, you have the opportunity to provide a great service by giving a little on-the-job training for the newbie. If you are not comfortable with their inexperience, politely ask for another agent. There is no need to berate them. A simple, "Nothing personal, but we both see we're having some difficulty here. I'd feel more comfortable with a more experienced agent," will do nicely.

3. Don't yell. Raising your voice, no matter how high your level of frustration doesn't do any good. It distorts your words, makes communication difficult, and just plain irritates the person trying to help you. Your current situation is not their fault and they really are trying to help. Win them over with your words, not your tone.

4. Don't lie. If you have called before, they have a record of it. They may have extensive notes in your file. Telling them that you spend thousands of dollars every year and you know the president of the company just makes you look foolish when the history on their screen shows that you have only order twice in the last eight months and you even cancelled one of those orders. A lie is a veiled threat and threats just don't work in this situation. The agent has nothing to lose but their mostly-crappy job, so your threats don't mean much to them. There's a great line delivered by Bill Murray in the movie Ghostbusters that applies here: "I don't have to take this abuse from you, I've got hundreds of people dying to abuse me." When you turn ugly, the person that started out trying to help you turns off. "I'll have your job," "I demand to speak to your supervisor," "Do you know who I am?" can all be met easily with a click and ominous silence.

5. Have your information handy. If you are buying something, get your credit card out before you dial. If you are calling your bank or mortgage company, have your account number ready. Know your address and phone number. You think that should go without saying, but you would not believe the number of calls where people can not deliver those simple facts. A sub-corollary to this rule is: never call if you are drunk. Girls Gone Wild may look like a great deal after a few beers, but trust me, you don't want to order something while over the legal limit. Most of the "as seen on TV" calls are designed to sell you more products than what got you excited enough to call for in the first place. Alcohol just makes you more susceptible to what is know in the industry as "the up-sell." You thought you were ordering a cool kitchen tool, but when you hang up the phone, you realize that you've just bought 8 magazine subscriptions, an autographed copy of the Fung Shwe of Cooking, and a do-it-yourself, vacuum-powered dog grooming kit. Wait, you don't even own a dog!

6. When giving your phone number, include the area code. The agent is taking calls from all over the U.S. and maybe other countries. They don't live on your street and do not magically know where are. They don't have a chip implanted in their brain with all the area codes and zip codes in the nation on it. Slow down and listen. When you are asked for your phone number…"with area code first", don't rattle off your zip code + phone number. You wouldn't believe how much that happens. Also, there is no daily prize for the customer that can say their phone number more quickly than any other customer. Speak at a normal pace. Not too slowly nor too quickly. If your address will be required during the call, please know where you live. "Everyone knows me around here. Just send it to the postmaster. He knows that I live in the big blue house at the end of the dirt road," is not a valid address.

7. Use a real phone to place your call. Cell phones are painful for both you and the agent. Speaker phones are a definite no-no. You may hear the agent, but I promise they can't understand a thing you are saying. Pick up the handset and speak clearly. Minimize the background noise. Turn down/mute the television. Don't call while cooking dinner, changing your oil, or entertaining 54 friends at a barbeque. Did I mention "speak clearly?" If you have to whisper your order to keep your spouse from hearing, you don't need to be ordering. If you have 7 chins, please don't tuck the phone under number 4 and expect anyone to understand you. Hold the phone with your hand and speak clearly.

8. Have a pen and paper ready. You will be given some sort of information that you need to write down. Scrambling at the last minute for a working pen in the kitchen junk drawer only adds to the call. If you know you are going to have questions about anything, write down the answers as they are given to you. There is no need to make your agent repeat the answers again and again when you could have made a note the first time. It doesn't matter if you are ordering a product or trying to reboot your microwave oven with your ATM PIN, you are going to need to write something down, so be prepared.

You now have the basic tools to complete your transaction successfully. As long as you remember that there is a human being on the other end of that phone and remain courteous, you will experience a new high in customer service. You, as a customer, deserve service, but making unreasonable demands will get you nowhere. Work the system and you will not only accomplish your goal, you will actually come out ahead. You might enjoy the experience and make someone else's day better in the process. We all love to complain, but to balance out the universe, be as quick to compliment.