May-December Romances

If someone would have told me 15 years ago that I was going to end up marrying a man 22 years older than me, I would have said they were nuts. There is no way that I would have ever considered marrying someone old enough to be my father.

When I met my current husband, I was going through a divorce. My ex-husband was only four years older than me, but he drank a lot and I was not the partying type of girl. My mother always said that my sister and I were more mature for our age and once we started dating men our own age, we found this to be true. Even though I was only 18 years old when I started dating my first husband, I felt as though I were so much older than him. I have really felt this way around most people my entire life.

When I first broke the news to my parents that I was dating a man who was only a year younger than my mother and five years younger than my father, I was nervous. My mother took the news well and didn't see anything wrong with it; however, my father and brother were a different story. They thought he wanted to be with me because I was 25 years old and I would make him look good and help recapture his youth. It didn't take long for them to change their feelings though once they met him and got to know him. My father later told me that he forgets that there is even an age difference between us because he treats me so well.

Even though we were told by many people that our relationship couldn't work, we have been together for almost 13 years and married for nine years. We love each other more everyday and I could not imagine life without him. That doesn't mean that it has been easy, though. It has been the most rewarding relationship of my life, but it has also been filled with the most challenges.

When there is an age difference such as ours, there are bound to be some adjustments to make. I was young and still rather naïve when we first started dating and I had not experienced the things that my husband had experienced. There was no way that I could have the type of life experience that he had due to my age. I had never had children and my husband had two grown children, one who is only a couple of years younger than me. I had to learn how to deal with ex-wives, grown children who still felt that I was taking their father away and other family issues. I also had to adjust to the fact that although I had never had children, my husband was past that stage in his life and he did not want any more kids. I had to choose and I chose him. Some people might say that was selfish of him but it really wasn't. He told me upfront when our relationship began that he did not want any more children and that he wasn't going to change his mind. He didn't mislead me or make me believe that there would ever be a chance. I knew what I was getting into when I got involved with him.

We found that even with such an age difference, we had a lot in common. We both like many different types of music and we both like to travel and see new things. We found that we were both very ambitious people and it has worked well in our relationship. My ex-husband's most ambitious trait was building a pyramid out of empty beer cans on the weekends, so I was excited when I found someone who wanted more out of life.

We both have chronic health issues, so we have been there for each other and have been able to support each other completely in this manner. My ex-husband could not, and would not, deal with the issues of my poor health when we were together and since he was healthy, it was hard for him to understand. I think for most men my age it would be difficult to have to deal with a wife whose health is so unpredictable that it is hard to make plans. When you are young, you want to go all of the time and I just physically can't. Older men tend to be more patient and more understanding of these situations.

Because of our age difference, we have been able to teach each other many things as well. With age comes patience, wisdom, and understanding. With youth comes excitement, creativity and a zest for life. We bring out the best in each other.

I found out when we first started dating that people stare and people talk. Big deal. I am happy and that's all I care about. It doesn't matter to me if no one else understands. It works for us and has for several years now, so we must be doing something right.

As I had mentioned earlier, we were never planning on having children but life doesn't always take the road we plan and we do have a son together. My pregnancy was not planned and it was a huge adjustment for us to make. When I found out I was pregnant, my husband had just became a new grandfather. It was hard for him to grasp the fact that he was starting all over. His sister warned him that this is what happens when you become involved with women at his age who are still of childbearing years. We adjusted to the idea just fine and our son is the pride and joy of his father's life. He had always wanted a son and now he had one.

I think about death a lot more than what most people my age probably do and I know that comes with being married to an older man. When our son graduates from high school his father will be in his 70s and I worry that due to his heart problems, he won't be around then. I also think about the fact that my parents and my husband will all be elderly at the same time and how will I deal with taking care of three elderly people?

But to me it is worth it because my husband is worth it. He is the best thing that has ever been brought into my life, besides my son, and the challenges of our May-December romance has helped me to grow as a person. I am strong because of our relationship and a better woman for it.