MAY: Mind-reader Awareness: Yes!

In addition to being the month of the celebration of No Pants Day (first Saturday in May), May is now officially dubbed Mind-reader Awareness Month by the illustrious author and activist Colby Marshall. In her own words, May is "dedicated to building attentiveness in an effort to teach others how to protect themselves against this growing threat in our community." So, who are the conniving mind-readers that we must all be aware of? "Children ages 4-9."

Colby continues by delineating what to be aware of including: "unblinking eye contact, trying to talk to you about one subject to distract you while they suck in your thoughts, Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana t-shirts." Obviously, a crude bunch with no scruples for the consequences of their actions. In her Top Ten Official Activities of Mind-Reader Awareness Month!, she suggests to "Tear through the toy aisle in Wal-Mart with a paint gun, pegging everything with Miley's face that comes to your sight (including but not limited to children wearing her t-shirts)." Furthermore, she adds, "Make sure to shout, 'If paintballing Hannah Montana is wrong, then I don't wanna be right!' as you are carted off to jail," which I believe is apt advice.

In the past, May has been envious of February with its' Black History Month and April with its' Autism Awareness Month, but in 2008 May joins the illustrious ranks of other such notable awareness months with the first annual Mind-reader Awareness Month. The history of the establishment of May as Mind-reader Awareness Month stems all the way back to the latter half of April 2008 and, undoubtedly, will forever be remembered as an important way to bring awareness to an important, albeit controversial, subject.

Activist and author Colby Marshall was interviewed on the controversial subject of mind-reading practiced by many of today's youth:

Q: Why does mind-reading awareness deserve a month instead of just a day or a week?

A: Mind-reading is such a little talked about problem, in fact, most people aren't even aware of it at all. Some are distracted by the so called "cuteness" of children that they never even suspect that something more sinister is at work. Therefore, I think that one day or even a week is not sufficiently enough time to not only alert more people to the dangers, but to also teach them how they can take steps from preventing mind-reading around them.

Q: Who is Mind-reading Awareness Month intended to protect?

A: M.A.M. is intended to protect anyone in contact with children, although their mind-reading is mostly aimed at people in their late teens and older.

Q: Who is the most susceptible?

A: Most susceptible to mind-readers are those who work in child care professions, teachers, nurses, etc. who must come into contact with mind-readers on a daily basis. Most of these people are unaware that they daily put themselves at risk. The most susceptible of course, are the people who are blissfully unaware of the little brainwave suckers around them.

Q: What remedy would you recommend for someone who has fallen prey to a mind reader? Is there any way to overcome the damages inflicted?

A: Once a mind-reader has your thoughts, there isn't much you can do... [Edited due to off-color humor involving child abuse] So basically, you must cut your losses and simply be more careful the next time. Know your preventative measures, be ready, and most of all, stay vigilant. And if you should ever find yourself in a situation where you realize a child is attempting to read your mind, remember this helpful acronym: A.H.R. (said like the pirate sound)... A: Avoid eye contact H: Hands over head R: Run for your life!

While the typical preventative measure to protect against child mind-readers is to hold your hands firmly against the temples of your head, not all people have the luxuries of bearing arms. For such purposes, activist and author Colby Marshall was asked one final question:

Q: How would you suggest armless people protect themselves against mind-reading?

A: I would suggest the traditional tin foil hat, if someone is available to make you one, as they repel brain waves. Alternatively, and in a bind, an armless person could dunk their head into a vat of broccoli, which is something else that is abhorrent to children and may have the same effect on children as garlic on vampires. You could also try to bluff them away by telling them you have cooties, but if you reach this point, you're getting desperate and are probably done for anyway.

Colby Marshall is an expert on mind-reading, an author and devout activist in the realm of awareness and a co-founder of "MAY: Mind-reading Awareness Month: Yes!" and "M.A.M." We thank her for her gracious giving of her time.

The young Georgian began as a mere dreamer when she combined two blogs into one in January of 2008, but her dreams began to come to fruition when she started focusing her extra-curricular endeavors on worthwhile causes. It was only a short time ago that Mind-reading did not even have a single day dedicated to its' awareness. However, Colby Marshall changed all that. She began cautiously, as she proclaimed a day in honor of Mind-reading Awareness, though it was shortly realized that one day is not enough. Nay. Henceforth, Mind-reading Awareness Month was born and the month of May was finally given a noble purpose.

The month of May is especially fitting because May is also the month in which Mother's Day resides. Since mothers are the ones who give birth to little mind-readers, the fact that Mother's Day also occurs in May is especially fitting.