Maybe You're Not Ready for Parenthood

Parenthood is the most rewarding experience that a person can have... if a person is meant for that experience. Just as some people could never excel as a Cardiologist, and others would fall apart if left to teach a room full of students the Periodic Table of Elements; some people are simply not cut out to be parents. Unfortunately, more and more people are taking on the task of parenthood , a lifelong commitment, without considering if they're right for the job. Sadly, the average person seems to put more thought into choosing a college or contemplating a real estate purchase. Much like any longterm commitment, choosing the path of parenthood without considering the depths of that undertaking, can lead to devastation. The key point to remember is the resulting effects apply to your child as well as yourself. With so many parents turning to drastic measures nowadays to escape their responsibilities as parents, here's a few points to ponder before choosing to become a parent.

Are you mature enough to be a parent? There may be nothing worse than a child parenting a child. Ever heard of the blind leading the blind? Some people do choose to start their families young, but make no mistake - there is a big difference between age and maturity. Are you truly capable of stepping outside of yourself and taking an honest look at who you are? You must be willing to make the sacrifices involved with being a parent. Not only will you sacrifice to put your child's needs ahead of your own, but their wants as well. If spring is coming and you both want a new bathing suit, but only have the budget to purchase one, you'' likely be the one wearing last year's model for another season. A selfish nature does not make for a stellar parent. What would win if the Tivo was down - Dora or Oprah? Your child' interests will supersede your own. If you think the universe may fall off course if you miss the "Desperate Housewives" season finale, you may not be ready for the tolls of parenthood.

Are you patient enough to be a parent? By nature, some people simply have a short fuse. Those who are easily frustrated or overwhelmed may lack vital traits for successful parenting. A lack of patience can be a contributing element to the dramatic increase in child abuse and abandonment nationwide. An incessantly wailing child can leave anyone frazzled, and it's only human to feel a little crazed when your attempts to calm a frantic baby are met with no success. The difference is, some people simply lack the coping skills necessary to tackle such a situation. In a perfect world, all newborns would sleep through the night and a pacifier would always soothe the savage infant, but all too often, new parents discover that the perfect world is a fallacy. No one leaves the maternity ward with a guarantee against colic, ear infections, or a bad attitude. Sometimes the baby will cry and you will not be able to find the simple solution to make them stop. If your solution to this scenario involves shaking a baby to silence, you are certainly not ready for the trials of parenthood.

Do you have the time to be a parent? Check your social calendar. Are you prepared to replace all the cocktail hours and beach getaways with play dates and tee-ball tournaments? Your schedule is at the mercy of your offspring, and there's a lot to squeeze in! While not all children are sports fanatics or masters of the arts, it seems that most children are involved in demanding extracurricular activities nowadays. Beyond the school schedules, pediatrician and dental check-ups, homework help and social events, most children are now changing uniforms in the back of the mini van as they head from soccer practice to ballet, which is just before they're due to give a 4H speech on natural resources in a public speaking contest. You've now become a taxi service, teacher, cheering section and back-up coach at the mercy of a child. When they make a commitment to an activity, you are also committing to the obligations of their transportation, funding, and often volunteering your services to assist when needed. This is all before the end of the night heart-to-heart session about how cruel their peers can be or the pain of their latest crush. If you are not able or willing to lessen your own time constraints to allow for the schedule demands of a child, you may not be ready for the demands of parenthood.

Are your priorities accommodating to parenthood? I would never be so harsh as to criticize the life priorities of another person, but the bottom line is that anyone who takes on parenthood needs to make it priority number one. This doesn't mean that other priorities such as marriage or career have to be completely eliminated from the list, just rearranged. Some may view this as a harsh or old-fashioned opinion, but once again, when we see that people are murdering their children to make room for a new romantic partner, I think that it's a necessary element. A young child is completely dependent and reliant on their parent. A worthy love interest, whether they are your co-parent or not, should not be as needy or demanding as your child. Certainly it is admirable to be a career woman, and it is often necessary to have at least two incomes to survive in modern times. However, for at least a reasonable amount of time, your child has to come first. In some cases, this means postponing school and/or career pursuits. I do not feel that you have to make a lifelong choice of career or children, but trying to accomplish both simultaneously often finds one suffering to some extent. This is the scenario that often leads to nannies and babysitters raising children as if they were the biological parents. If the extent of your "family time" will be gathering together to take the perfect family photo for the annual Christmas card sent to impress your clients and associates, you are not ready for the investments of parenthood.

Why do you want a child anyway? So many people seem to have children simply because it is an "expected" thing, either by their families, peers or society. Others feel that having a child will provide them with someone guaranteed to love them, or fill an emotional void. Worse yet, some opt to have a child in an effort to save a floundering marriage. None of these are valid reasons for having a child. Referring back to the idea of selfishness, these reasons are self-serving and destined for a negative outcome. I'm not sure that I can accurately provide all of the "right" reasons for having a child, but chances are, if your reasons begin with the phrase "I want...", you're not off to a great start. Again, your decision to bring a child into this world is not about you. If you are looking for a child to improve your status or position in life, you are putting heavy responsibilities on that child. In reality, it is YOUR responsibility to provide a fulfilling life to your child. If you are not prepared to bring a child into a stable, loving home, you are not ready for the responsibilities of parenthood.

Generally speaking, all living creatures are born to reproduce. However, just because we are genetically capable of the act of procreating does not mean that we are capable of parenting our offspring. We have a responsibility to ourselves, our mates, our potential children and society as a whole to understand the commitment of parenthood before we take on the role. All too often, the commitment is made before its demands are fully understood. The ramifications of acting before we think can be more devastating than we comprehend. If parenting is not for you, this does not mean you are a failure. For some, it's just a matter of timing. It is up to every individual to judge their readiness for parenthood before diving in head first. Above all, remember, it is not a task to underestimate or be taken lightly. Understand the commitment before making it.