Me and My Shadow

Quite often I am amused when I catch myself talking back to the television. It's not like they can hear my witty one liners and insults, but I still offer them just the same. What's more amusing to me is the fact that my father used to do the very same thing. I find it funny because most of my younger years were spent swearing that I was nothing at all like my father, even though incidents like talking to the television proved otherwise.

It's not like my father sat me down and had a class, where he taught me sarcasm, tone and timing. He didn't tell me how to wait for the perfect moment to voice my opinion just before changing the channel, and yet I learned it just the same. In fact I probably do it even better than my dad did as I have the convenience of the remote control, he would have to walk to the television to actually change the channel.

My father never held a class to teach me how to bite my lip when I am angry, and yet just like him I do that also. In addition to biting my lip and insulting the people on television there is a long list of other behaviors that I inherited from my father. Things like seeing how far I can drive with the gas meter on E. (That habit was broken after my SUV ran out of gas in the middle of a busy intersection and I had to push it with my wife and 3 of my children inside it. Man Suburbans are realllllllly heavy!)

As I said before, I spent most of my younger years denying any possible similarities between my father and I. It wasn't until after my son was born and began following me around everywhere and mimicking the things I did, that I began to see a connection between the things I learned and habits I developed through observing my father.

When my son was just a toddler I let him follow me around everywhere I went, he was like my constant shadow. I grew accustomed to seeing his little brown eyes taking in every little thing I did. Potty training was a breeze because he was so eager to be like dad that he was out of diapers in no time at all. The same thing applied when it came to drinking from a bottle, he wanted to drink from a big boy cup like his dad so he trained himself to be able to hold a real cup before he could even spell cup.

The thought of my son following me around and learning from me wasn't a big deal at all. For the most part I always paid attention to what did and said around him. Even after being careful about the things I did around my son and the rest of my children, something happened that forced me to recognize that I had to exercise even more caution, even with seemingly innocent everyday activities.

My son was barely two years old when it happened. I remember coming home from work, and as always sitting on the couch talking to my wife and playing with my son and my daughters. I couldn't help but notice that my son had this strange shiny glow to his face, it wasn't everywhere, just around his mouth and chin area. Two days later I noticed that he had a tiny cut just under his lip. My wife and I were puzzled as to what was going on with his face. A few days later the mystery was solved when I heard this early morning tapping sound coming from my children's bathroom.

I was surprised to discover my son with his face lathered up and shaving, just as he had he seen me do so many times, right down to the double tapping of the razor on the sink after each stroke. He had climbed up on the sink and got a hold of my shaving cream and the razor.

After that incident I realized that even at two years of age, i needed to talk to my son and let him know that there are some things that he might see me or other people do that he can't do just yet, and that shaving was one of those things. (If you ever want to feel stupid or inadequate try explaining something complex to a two year old.) Just to be safe I postponed any more early morning observations of dad shaving, along with hiding my razors and shaving cream.

A week or two went by and before I could breathe or relax, my son was at it again. We were out for a day at the beach. It was a beautiful day. My oldest daughter and I were playing and swimming in the ocean, while my wife was playing in the sand with my son and our daughter Emm who was about 12 months old. After a few minutes in the sand, Junior began to gaze out into the ocean at my daughter and I, and after seeing enough decided that he too was able to swim, so before my wife even knew what was going on he jumped up sprinted toward the ocean in my direction.

I was pretty far out in the water and happen to look up to see my son hightailing toward the water with my wife in pursuit after him. I too began to make my way toward him, I managed to reach him just as he took a professional dive into the water. It's a good thing too, because once he got a face full of that salty ocean water, he realized that there was more to it than it looked, and he came up kicking, spitting and gasping for air.

From then on I have paid special attention to those peering glances of his, making sure that whatever he was taking in, that he was aware that seeing something being done was not automatic approval for him to try it. Over the years I have used his keen observation to teach him what little I know about being a man, by modeling it in front of him. Letting him see me open the door for my wife, help other people (sometimes even at great cost to me,) even letting him see me apologize and acknowledge when I am wrong.

Now that Junior is almost 17 years old, I still have to be mindful of the things I do and say around him, fortunately it is much easier explaining complicated concepts to him than it was when he was just two years old, although I still occasionally get some of those blank stares when I am talking to him.

In the case of me and my father, I think that like a lot of men from his generation, he was too busy working to provide for us to realize that what he did in front of me was just as if not more important than the things he was saying to me. Maybe if he had realized it a bit sooner he would have made sure that I knew things like, even strong men cry sometimes, or that there were more emotions to choose from besides anger, and that sometimes your family just wants to have you around more than the things that you can provide for them.

It's too late for my father and I, so I take full advantage of the time I have my children, but I am ever mindful of the watchful eyes of my son, my nephew's and now my grandson's peering gaze as well. Hopefully my example will motivate them all to go on to be better men than I am.