Mean Girls: How to Handle Your Teen Bully

I have to start by saying that this particular subject hits close to home with me on a very personal level. As a young teen I was very awkward looking due to my very tall stature, at 12-years-old I was a whopping 5'9" and I only weighed 90 lbs, so needless to say that bullies tormented me all throughout middle and high school. I used to call them "The Mean Girl Patrol" and ran from them every day. I have to say that this type of torture can be very detrimental to a young girls self-esteem and self-worth. I was constantly harassed before, during and after school. I was called names, I have had food thrown at me, gum put in my hair and these are the milder things that were done to me by my bullies, they even went as far as beating me up just for looking different than them.

As for my own daughter, well she is my step-daughter, I married her father when she was 10-years-old, and I have to say that I found her to have a mean streak in her that left unattended or confronted, she would continue down that path and could turn into a full fledged bully. When dealing with adolescent or Teen daughter's or son's for that matter, the ice is very thin and you must be cautious on your approach to the situation and always maintain an open mind, tread lightly because you don't want to start a war over the issue.

When I confronted my daughter about her behavior, I tried to find out what was the under lying cause for her actions towards her peers and found it difficult at first because she was a little closed off, she really did not want to trust me so I put it to her like this.

I just sat my teen daughter down and asked her if every thing was okay with her and if there was something bothering her to make her treat her peers in such an ill manner. At first she did not say much and tried to say that nothing was wrong, then as I pushed on and simply told her that she should treat others the way that she would want to be treated herself and that if she continued to be mean all the time she would find herself all alone with no friends, because no one wants to hang around someone who is just going to be mean to you all the time for no reason at all. Then I think she really understood, it was like a light went off in her head, because she is now 14 years old as is a totally different person. In her case, she was dealing with abandonment issues concerning her biological mother.

Don't be afraid to talk openly and honestly to your teen daughter and come right out with what you are concerned about. Let them know that bullying and disrespecting others is only making things bad for them. Eventually all their meanness and bullying will come back to bit them in the rear end! Tell them that good old saying " What goes around, comes around." And when it comes back around it usually puts the bully in the same spot as the victim and then they too will know how it feels and then maybe they will understand.

Then you have the bully, whom is acting out some sort of abuse or mistreatment that has been done to them and they act out to try to get attention. They will then take all their frustrations out on one of their peers. In this case it is probably better for you to seek professional assistance, especially if after you yourself have tried to take care of the situation and they continue. To find the trigger or the true reasons for their outbursts will need more counseling than most of us as parents can cope with alone. It is not like when you have your children that they come with a book of instructions, it takes time and hard work and a lot of Love. Just remember to NEVER show anger or disappointment while trying to approach such a sensitive issues, teens can be very explosive, always remain open and calm.

References for this article came from, Help your teen.com, ehow.com