Meeting "Mr. Right" Online

To actually say I'm expert about finding love online is a double edged sword. I met my 1st husband online back in 1996. We were one of the first success stories on www.ldssingles.com which is still in effect today and was much easier to maneuver back when there were maybe only 150 people on it. He and I fell madly in love over the internet which was really ridiculous when I think back to it, but finding true love and getting married was number one on my to do list at the time. I was 26 and OLD for a good (or not so good) LDS girl living in Utah. We snail mailed pictures to each other as during that time loading it online was impossible. Of course we only mailed our best. I was skinny and beautiful on the beach in Hawaii (of course I was 18 there and not 26). He was thin, no glasses, and a hunk and I knew the chemistry was sure to be there.

Had I not been so naïve and looking to move on from a past relationship that had soured and gone on 5 years too long, I might have strongly considered the red flags at the time, but I wasn't that smart in 1996. We met and went to a movie and dinner for our first date. It wasn't what either of us expected. We weren't the beautiful people in the pictures, we didn't have near as much to talk about without the security of being "behind the screen" so to say. I was positive that I would be going back to my 5 year relationship of issues, but somehow he asked me out again and the second time was actually enjoyable because the first impressions were over and I was sure that neither one of us considered each other "marriage material."

By some miracle we continued dating and due to the fact that we were very devout in our faith, we decided to wait to have sex until marriage. Of course that meant that we met and were married in 6 months. A bit too soon to really know anyone now that I'm a pro! I realize that some can do that and make it work, but by the wedding day I had quite a few doubts about our true chemistry and could tell that "getting married" was more important than "staying married" that cold December day.

Four years later after counseling, a child, and pretty much a drought of a love life I decided to call it quits. It was a quickie divorce and not really too traumatic. My son was only 18 months old and to this day I'm so grateful I didn't wait any longer because he's adjusted really well to the fact that Mommy and Daddy don't live together and are mere acquaintances but we both love "him" very much.

After my debacle I decided to give up online dating forever. It was only going to get me the same results as the first time and was so depressing in so many ways. People that have no social skills and no personality can become these incredible actors online. They aren't in a relationship because they have many issues including intimacy and anger issues and a whole slew of problems that had you met them in person, you would've got the vibe with no issue. But online they become masters of illusion and it's so difficult to sniff it out unless you know the true "rules" behind online dating.

So why would I pick it up again after promising myself I would meet someone the old fashioned way? Well, being a single Mom, working full time and feeling guilty to leave your child when you've been away from them all day leaves you little options of a social life. I had every other weekend when my son was with his Dad, but honestly there were errands to run, shopping to do, and sometimes my son would come home early because he was still trying to adjust to "overnights" with Dad.

I began my online search for the right dating sites that would give me the best results. I have to say that I still recommend the following:

•Match.com

•Matchmaker.com

•E-Harmony.com

If you have the patience for E-Harmony it is probably the best site to not meet "losers."
The entire format is really time consuming and if you're just "shopping around" I wouldn't go through the trouble of the full questionnaire until I knew I was serious.

Match and Matchmaker were great releases for me. I found certain guys that had gone to rival high schools, which were workaholics like me and had to date online or stay celibate. I met people that seemed quite normal but then I would meet and be completely scared away. I would often open up too much online or on the phone then only to find out the guy was NOT my type and now was "in love" with me and that would go south fairly quickly.

The rules of engagement for online dating are simple. Stick to these methods and your experiences will improve and your wasting time will become minimal.

1.Do not chat with anyone online more than a week until you have done the following.

a.Phone call within 3 days of meeting online to judge phone personality

b.In person meeting within 2 weeks of meeting online at a Starbucks or somewhere safe that can be lessthan a 20 minute visit if things aren't going your way.

i.If the person is out of town, do not have them fly up to meet you or promise to fly over tomeet them. Concentrate on those in your area or those that travel to your area for business. If they are out of state they are possibly married so make sure that you don't put your heart out there until you really "know" their situation.

c.Take your new relationship offline or at least to instant messenger vs. just email as soon as possible. If you're newfound potential "Mr. Right" keeps to the computer for conversation there are other red flags here. Many online daters are into pornography. They have intimacy issues and are not able to fully connect in person. Meeting online should not be "staying" online.

2.Meet Mr. Right's family and friends as soon as possible in a casual setting. If he keeps you "too" private there is a reason. I've dated many a "married" man that swore he was single and one that was even married for green card purposes and introduced me to his wife. Let's just say SHE wasn't all about him dating me. I think I've honestly seen it all.

My "Mr. Right" showed up in 2002 and we talked on the phone after a week and then met in person the following week. I dated him a year and a half with a few break ups in between before pulling the marriage trigger again. He was honestly one of those shy guys that started out a bit braver online but had a great personality and was "normal" after meeting him in person. We were married in 2003 and are still very happy.

Meeting someone online that has just started looking is actually a great sign. They are not tainted by "living online" as others and are probably really looking to meet someone without doing the whole bar scene. Religious online sites are great but be cautious that the values they state they have may not truly be the values they believe in. They can prey on newly divorced moms in particular and discard them for new prey at anytime. Dating online can be heartbreaking, but if you're careful and cautious and really stick to my rules, you will save yourself a lot of trouble and broken hearts in the process.

Best of Luck!