"Megan Wants a Millionaire"

Ladies and Gentlemen, Megan Hauserman is back with a bang. The tall and lanky gold digger has returned to VH1 with her own reality show: "Megan Wants a Millionaire." Before divulging more information on her new show, let's make a quick flashback tour of her past.

Megan, a graduate of the University of Chicago, first appeared on the radar during the third season of "Beauty and the Geek," where she and her beau (Alan "Scooter" Zackheim) won. Apparently still unhappy-despite all the money and nerd-love-Megan then popped up on VH1's second season of "Rock of Love with Bret Michaels." From there, she went on to appear on VH1's "I Love Money" and "Rock of Love: Charm School."

Megan now resides-at least for the duration of "Megan Wants a Millionaire-in a fancy mansion with 17 guys and her butler, the ever-so-British Niles. And oh...I forgot to mention her cute little dog, Lily. Included also are her two bests friends, the naïve Brandi C and a busty-blonde named Cecil.

As for the contestants of "Megan Wants a Millionaire," they range from a baby-faced, trust-fund baby (Joe) to an old, fat, and somewhat-creepy psychic (Donald). What I find interesting is that some these gentlemen seem like they could perhaps be closet-case homosexuals-what with their high-pitched voice and penchant for mall shopping.

Some of the more interesting contestants are:

Punisher - A millionaire stripper with huge muscles and a disgusting birthmark shaped like Cuba.

Donald - An elderly, rotund, and kind movie producer known for making, "Chainsaw Cheerleaders 1." His next upcoming movie is "Cannibal Cavegirls." He is also a psychic as well.

Joe - A trust fund baby with the squeaky voice of Jay Leno's 'Ross the intern.'

Garth - A colorful (albeit unfashionable) plumber who broke Joe's piggy bank gift.

David - A world traveler trained in solving major larceny cases. He also loves to shop.

Al - A stumbling and nervous Joe Schmoe who barks at Megan, causing her to spill wine all over herself.

James - A yet-to-be trust-fund baby who currently resides at home and receives a monthly stipend (aka allowance) from his parents.

Sexy Toy Dave - Need I say more?

And Audi - An unprofessional and aggressive Latino reeking of blunts, gunpowder, and other street-related items.

During eliminations, Megan handed out 14 fake pre-approved credit cards, warning the contestants that they'll have to work hard to keep their credit right. Everybody made it through except for Audi, James, and amazingly enough, Donald. Sorry fellas, but that is the nature of the game!

There you have it, folks. Will Megan find love? Probably not. Will Megan get some money? PROBABLY SO! Good luck on "Megan Wants a Millionaire," you gold-digger, you!