'Memoirs of a Baby Stealer' Reveals Darker Side of Child Protection
An Important Read for Anyone Considering Foster Care
I was prepared to love Mary Callahan's Memoirs of a Baby Stealer long before I opened the book's front cover. Just the title, the fact that Callahan was able to acknowledge that her role as a foster caregiver made her party to a state-sanctioned kidnapping, was intriguing. I was certain Baby Stealer would be an important, life-affirming read for someone like me. Though I felt I was already well-acquainted with the failings of the child "protection" system, I was excited to learn from Callahan's unique perspective as a disgruntled fosterer. What I wasn't prepared for was an inescapable sense of disappointment that came over me as I read. I feel conflicted just writing this review!
In the prologue, Callahan wrote of the reasons that drove her to enter the world of foster care. She was quick to point out the "hero complex" that was a catalyst in her decision, as well as the financial benefits that made fostering so appealing. Although it was refreshing to see someone in her position acknowledging rather questionable motivation, she did not dig as deeply as I had hoped. Her hero complex was pervasive throughout the book, and appears firmly in tact even in her concluding chapters. The same can be said for the financial incentives that got her started: Memoirs of a Baby Stealer concludes with Callahan fostering two children for $5000 plus additional expenses and a respite weekend each month. Who wouldn't want to do foster care for that kind of pay?
In all seriousness, Callahan did an excellent job detailing the lives of her charges and the multiple ways in which they (and their families) were irrevocably damaged by CPS. Unfortunately, I felt that the words she chose often mimicked the destructive language of the system, which resulted in this reader feeling alienated instead of drawn in. I was extremely uncomfortable with her willingness to embrace the title of "foster parent" when caregiver or guardian could have been substituted easily. Though she frequently referred to the children's real parents as just that, the fact that she considered herself to be a parent as well only led to her being further enmeshed in the rhetoric of the system. Despite that the two terms are often treated as interchangeable, there is a distinct difference between child-rearing and parenting. As a fosterer, Callahan could not parent: she was not the mother of her charges. Instead, she was rearing children that naturally belonged to other families. Memoirs of a Baby Stealer would have been greatly improved had she recognized this simple fact by selecting more truthful words.
Despite all the above criticism, I am conflicted. Baby Stealer was worth reading even when it required muddling through inappropriate terms and a bit of unchecked greed. Everyone could learn something about foster care and about the child welfare system from Callahan and the children she's cared for over the years. It would be difficult to get through this book with an in tact belief in DYFS' "good intentions," assuming one spent the earlier part of her life wearing rose-colored glasses.
The most useful chapter in Baby Stealer was titled "Mary" and reflected upon Callahan's own experiences and opinions about reform. She described the pervasive prejudices that caused case workers and judges to separate many children from their natural families; the idea that youth and poverty somehow led to loving parents being labeled as abusive and that, no matter what small thing brought the children into foster care, case workers were patently unwilling to send them home. One theme that ran throughout the book was the eagerness of the state to pay fosterers, while refusing to provide services that would help reunite real families. Is it fair to pay a guardian $2500 a month, plus baby-sitting and recreation expenses and a clothing allowance, when that same amount of assistance could make a world of difference in keeping the child with his parents?
Borrowing ideas from Richard Wexler and the National Coalition for Child Protection Reform, Callahan outlines four major reforms that need to take place in order for CPS to be effective. The first is simple: when allegations of abuse are known to be false or based on a disagreement in what makes a "good parent," the state must bow out. We should not remove children from their families just because we dislike the parents' practices; children should only be removed when they are in danger. The second reform also applies to reunification: the state must offer real, concrete help to struggling parents. The third item on Wexler and Callahan's list goes hand in hand with number two: go to whatever extreme it takes to preserve the family. As an example, Callahan mentions an entire community that was established to assist "at risk" families by offering education, child-care, housing and help instead of punishment when things are going poorly. Had I limitless funding, I would love to create such a safe place for children and parents!
The final reform deemed necessary by Wexler and presented by Callahan is a change in financial incentives. As it stands, most states reap a good many benefits for keeping children in the system. As soon as those children go home to their families, the money stops rolling in. It is absolutely critical that we change the way we think when it comes to financial incentives. Right now, our country is unfairly putting a price on the value of family. Haven't we learned by now that certain things in life just cannot be measured in dollars and cents?
I still feel conflicted about Memoirs of a Baby Stealer, but I wouldn't hesitate to recommend it to others. In fact, I truly believe it should be required reading for all fosterers, case workers, and CASA/guardian ad litem volunteers working in the system. If more people understood the nature of CPS, families would stand a fighting chance at respect, dignity and security; exactly what our children deserve.
In the prologue, Callahan wrote of the reasons that drove her to enter the world of foster care. She was quick to point out the "hero complex" that was a catalyst in her decision, as well as the financial benefits that made fostering so appealing. Although it was refreshing to see someone in her position acknowledging rather questionable motivation, she did not dig as deeply as I had hoped. Her hero complex was pervasive throughout the book, and appears firmly in tact even in her concluding chapters. The same can be said for the financial incentives that got her started: Memoirs of a Baby Stealer concludes with Callahan fostering two children for $5000 plus additional expenses and a respite weekend each month. Who wouldn't want to do foster care for that kind of pay?
In all seriousness, Callahan did an excellent job detailing the lives of her charges and the multiple ways in which they (and their families) were irrevocably damaged by CPS. Unfortunately, I felt that the words she chose often mimicked the destructive language of the system, which resulted in this reader feeling alienated instead of drawn in. I was extremely uncomfortable with her willingness to embrace the title of "foster parent" when caregiver or guardian could have been substituted easily. Though she frequently referred to the children's real parents as just that, the fact that she considered herself to be a parent as well only led to her being further enmeshed in the rhetoric of the system. Despite that the two terms are often treated as interchangeable, there is a distinct difference between child-rearing and parenting. As a fosterer, Callahan could not parent: she was not the mother of her charges. Instead, she was rearing children that naturally belonged to other families. Memoirs of a Baby Stealer would have been greatly improved had she recognized this simple fact by selecting more truthful words.
Despite all the above criticism, I am conflicted. Baby Stealer was worth reading even when it required muddling through inappropriate terms and a bit of unchecked greed. Everyone could learn something about foster care and about the child welfare system from Callahan and the children she's cared for over the years. It would be difficult to get through this book with an in tact belief in DYFS' "good intentions," assuming one spent the earlier part of her life wearing rose-colored glasses.
The most useful chapter in Baby Stealer was titled "Mary" and reflected upon Callahan's own experiences and opinions about reform. She described the pervasive prejudices that caused case workers and judges to separate many children from their natural families; the idea that youth and poverty somehow led to loving parents being labeled as abusive and that, no matter what small thing brought the children into foster care, case workers were patently unwilling to send them home. One theme that ran throughout the book was the eagerness of the state to pay fosterers, while refusing to provide services that would help reunite real families. Is it fair to pay a guardian $2500 a month, plus baby-sitting and recreation expenses and a clothing allowance, when that same amount of assistance could make a world of difference in keeping the child with his parents?
Borrowing ideas from Richard Wexler and the National Coalition for Child Protection Reform, Callahan outlines four major reforms that need to take place in order for CPS to be effective. The first is simple: when allegations of abuse are known to be false or based on a disagreement in what makes a "good parent," the state must bow out. We should not remove children from their families just because we dislike the parents' practices; children should only be removed when they are in danger. The second reform also applies to reunification: the state must offer real, concrete help to struggling parents. The third item on Wexler and Callahan's list goes hand in hand with number two: go to whatever extreme it takes to preserve the family. As an example, Callahan mentions an entire community that was established to assist "at risk" families by offering education, child-care, housing and help instead of punishment when things are going poorly. Had I limitless funding, I would love to create such a safe place for children and parents!
The final reform deemed necessary by Wexler and presented by Callahan is a change in financial incentives. As it stands, most states reap a good many benefits for keeping children in the system. As soon as those children go home to their families, the money stops rolling in. It is absolutely critical that we change the way we think when it comes to financial incentives. Right now, our country is unfairly putting a price on the value of family. Haven't we learned by now that certain things in life just cannot be measured in dollars and cents?
I still feel conflicted about Memoirs of a Baby Stealer, but I wouldn't hesitate to recommend it to others. In fact, I truly believe it should be required reading for all fosterers, case workers, and CASA/guardian ad litem volunteers working in the system. If more people understood the nature of CPS, families would stand a fighting chance at respect, dignity and security; exactly what our children deserve.
Published by Jessica DelBalzo
I am a mother, writer and activist from Flemington, New Jersey. My writing has been published by Clamor, Eclectica and many local and not-so-local newspapers. View profile
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- The American Family Rights AssociationBuy the Book on Amazon
States earn between $4,000-6,000 per child adopted from foster care once their quota has been met for the year?
10 Comments
Post a CommentHow can we go to war in other countries for the very thing we are loosing here?
I have watched as dyfs and the legal system of this state have committed one attrocious injustice after another. I am watching now as a beautiful, loving mother, who literally had her newborn taken from her after two days in labor and was nursing, be tortured even futher, as a judge literally enforced an illegal kidnapping out of the county of the baby's birth, and into his venue, and even refused to allow a change of venue back to the mother's county!?!.
I am finding it harder and harder to believe that there is any real justice~that will turn around what shouldn't have begun in the first place, that can undo what has caused so much anguish, so much grief. Do they want to feel this pain??? I don't think they feel anything. They need to feel they are doing something. They are. They are engendering an atmosphere of persecution and fear. They are truly "fostering" the very element, the very defam
sad,i sympathize as a moderator staff member at new jersey most known
popular site for speaking out against actual REAL fraud within the new jersey cps agency otherwise known as dhs dyfs dss where as the advocate
wasable actually to do as not too many can do she actually has pix,showing
"child was FINE,healthy on the actual exact night cps worker,attorney for
dyfs trying the botched fraudulent case(D.A.G. we call em in new jersey(all said)child was SUFFERING from seroius injuries,bruising all over child leg
upper thigh left leg,yet the photographs are clear,proof the dyfs agency of nj
on this case fabricated,used perjury,to get her daughters,and now their
suit is pending,the police even will testify in suit and f.b.i.grand jury when needed.we pray for you all.........
www.GOODMOMSFIGHTDYFS.com
moderator MorGan Clark.
07065 N.J..
i agree with other people here,cps is disgusting.really are i feel bad for all
yall who got your kid takenreally stolen,i agree go sue em if this is really
happening 2 yall.
Kellie.
the ONLY way it will
stop by MORE suing weekly monthly for fraud etc,other violations,and a arrest for the caseworker etc.
we pray for ALL GOOD LOVING PARENTS grandparents and reach us any time.as our advocate discover REAL FRAUD in N.J.DYFS photographs and
documents,in WORKER own writing clearing the mom of all neglect abuse
yet took stand and worker LIED,F.B.I. is now involved,as her multi mill$ suit
www.GOODMOMSFIGHTDYFS.com
An Inconvenient Truth about Child Protective Services, Foster care, and the Child Protection "INDUSTRY"
CPS Does not protect children...
It is sickening how many children are subject to abuse, neglect and even killed at the hands of Child Protective Services.
every parent should read this .pdf from
connecticut dcf watch...
http://www.connecticutdcfwatch.com/8x11.pdf
http://www.connecticutdcfwatch.com
Number of Cases per 100,000 children in the US
These numbers come from The National Center on
Child Abuse and Neglect in Washington. (NCCAN)
Recent numbers have increased significantly for CPS
*Perpetrators of Maltreatment*
Physical Abuse CPS 160, Parents 59
Sexual Abuse CPS 112, Parents 13
Neglect CPS 410, Parents 241
Medical Neglect CPS 14 Parents 12
Fatalities CPS 6.4, Parents 1.5
Imagine that, 6.4 children die at the hands of the very agencies that are supposed to protect them and only 1.5 at the hands of parents per 100,000 children. CPS perpetrates
If anyone wants some valid insight into the child protection industry read: This is Child Protection? By Gregory A. Hession, J.D. This article is probably the most accurate article I have read exposing the secretive world of CPS. Ever wonder why the juvenile/family courts are not open to the public, know you will know! State CPS regulations are just for show and it's all about the funding stream and the social worker culture. What's the difference between and terrorist and a CPS social worker? You can negotiate with the terrorist. Who ever thought of giving these incompetent buffoons govt. immunity had a screw loose. Oh, and yes, SW's "IMMUNITY REVOKED" is what happens when you are locked into a federal court trial for civil rights violations. You are not above the law! Lie, perjure, and YOU WILL BE EXPOSED FOR WHAT YOU ARE!
Wow, how could anybody support the practices DeBalzo writes about? When was it decided in the US that real families count less than those cobbled up for money, power and personal pathologies, such as the "hero complex," something that is always a part of adoption and fostering? Why are the self-serving and selfish catered to and real people/real families destroyed in the process. There is something very rotten going on here. But I am afraid the only way to stop it is to educate people to avoid the "system" any way they can. Because adoption and fostering are "from the government," and they are not "here to help you." And there is no one to protect us but ourselves.
Your ignorance is remarkable! I can't believe you are comparing the use of the "N' word with words like birthmother and adoptive parents. I think you really could use some counseling to work through your issues and realize that there are good people in this world and MANY, MANY, MANY wonderful adoption scenarios. I'm sorry to say this but if you want to talk about abuse then look in a mirror...you are abusing innocent adoptive children and families through your vile mis-use of articles.
Your obsession with "correct language" clearly shows your bitterness with the system rather than any flaw in Mary Callahan's writing.
You need to acknowledge that foster parents can be just that, PARENTS. They're not mere "Caregivers" nor are they a charity for people who cannot provide for their children properly. Where natural parents have failed their children, foster parents are an essential part of a child's life, and their role should NOT be dismissed as less worthy than a natural parents simply because they did not give birth to the child they are caring for.
Wow, you are hard on Mary Callahan - she has the moxie to tell the truth about how children and families are being used, not helped by the current system. I hope someone will remove the incentives to get kids into the "system" and get them adopted. It breaks my heart to see kids used this way.