Memorable Gifts for Mommy

My kids are generous to a fault. They never stop giving me unforgettable gifts! Never! A couple days ago, for my birthday, my kids made me the cutest, sweetest birthday cards, and they sang "Happy Birthday" to me before I was even out of bed. How nice! Little did I know that my children had cleverly crafted a post-birthday scavenger hunt just for me. "We'll leave little goodies for Mommy all over the house, and see how long it takes her to find them," they must have said to each other while I was in the shower last March.

My kids know what I like, and they've proven it time and time again. Check out all these presents they've given me in the last month alone:

Memorable gifts for Mommy: Breakfast in bed. Maybe it was meant as a midnight snack. I'm not sure. I was getting into bed around 1 a.m. this morning when my toe touched something hidden behind the bedskirt. Intrigued, I bent down to retrieve the object: a container of Cool Whip Lite. "Huh," I said, opening the room-temperature container, delighted that my children had remembered how much I love to eat reduced-calorie Cool Whip in bed. (It was under my side of the bed, not Daddy's side, so, obviously, this Cool Whip Lite was all mine.) My children are so smart; they know that Cool Whip Lite, unlike fine wine, is runniest and moldiest when placed in a dark, 72-degree environment for several weeks (months?).

Memorable gifts for Mommy: Listen to Mommy; heed every single thing she says! With the aid of the nice man from AT&T and my husband, who had to pull out our television/video game/music entertainment center yesterday so we could get our new phone/cable/internet service hooked up, I discovered the green sippy cup that's been missing for approximately three months--the green sippy cup that once held milk or juice, or whatever it is that breeds fuzzy, slimy brown mold when stored behind an entertainment center for many months. My kids were obviously paying attention when I griped, "I'm so sick of finding dirty dishes all over the place!" So they tossed the cup behind the TV, where I'd never look for it, just to help me out! Good for them!

I'm always telling my daughter to spit out her gum when she's done with it-"don't swallow it!"--which explains why I found three dried-up wads of chewing gum on the basement stairs when I was sweeping. Three precious reminders that my daughter listened to me. At last, I'm getting through to her.

Memorable gifts for Mommy: Help Mommy stay thin. My children know how much I love to snack on the Kirkland trail mix I get at Costco-a perfect combination of peanuts, cashews, raisins, and M&Ms (there's no skimping on the M&Ms, either). That's good stuff! Well, Mommy also likes to make sure her butt fits into her favorite jeans, so her adoring children aid her in this goal by helping themselves to her favorite trail mix. They don't eat the healthy nuts or raisins (God forbid!--those are Mommy's!). They eat ONLY the M&Ms, so when I grab a handful of crunchy, salty, sweet goodness, most of the "sweet goodness" is gone! God, I love those kids of mine so much! My skinny butt thanks them, too!

Memorable gifts for Mommy: Halloween in July. This is even better than Christmas in July! Here's what you do, kids: Take one of those small gourds your mom likes to use as a Halloween or Thanksgiving decoration, and kick it under her car seat in October when she's not looking. Sit back and wait. And wait. And wait until July, when she finally cleans out the car and discovers your thoughtful Halloween goodie, which should look like a hairy tumor by this time. Trick or treat, Mommy!

Memorable gifts for Mommy: Help Mommy save money. Taking care of kids is expensive! Especially if you want their little butts to stay clean! My kids must have heard me complain about how much those Cottonelle pre-moistened wipes cost. We call those wipes "wet toilet paper"--it's good stuff to have on-hand (even better, on-butt). "This wet toilet paper stuff is so expensive," I've remarked on numerous occasions, which must be why my kids have started wetting down the regular "dry" toilet paper. Really soaking the crap out of it (not literally-it's still clean toilet paper, as far as I can tell), so that when I sit down to do my business and reach for the toilet paper, it's already nice and damp. No need to use those expensive Cottonelle wipes now! I may as well stop buying them and spend the money on more Kirkland trail mix instead.

Everyday gifts for Mommy: Make sure Mommy doesn't oversleep. Mommies have important things to do each and every day. There's absolutely no reason why a Mommy should ever sleep in past 8 o'clock. My kids know I don't always set my alarm. That's why my daughter comes into my bedroom every morning at 7 o'clock, and leans in, right next to my ear, to sweetly say, "Mommy. Mommy.MOMMY! I WANT BRECKFIX!" ("Breckfix" = breakfast.) I don't oversleep, and my daughter doesn't starve to death. It's a win-win situation.

This morning my wake-up call was more compelling than usual. "Mommy. Mommy.MOMMY! The fruit lid's leaking! THE FRUIT LID'S LEAKING!" My daughter had decided to fix her own breakfast, and had dropped the plastic cup of mixed fruit on the kitchen floor.

Daddy took care of the leaking fruit lid and let me sleep. He's been noticing how generous our kids are, always leaving me unexpected gifts, day in and day out.

Sometimes the best gift for Mommy is no gift at all.

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