Memorial Tattoos Help with Grieving Process

Getting a tattoo is not a traditional part of the grieving process. Yet people deal with grief in many different ways. A memorial tattoo for the one you've lost can help you heal. The physical pain represents the pain you feel inside. The tattoo is a memorial that will stay with you forever. Some people consider them private. Others want people to see them and ask what they mean. In sharing the memory of their loved one, they bring that person to life.

My first tattoo was a memorial for my baby, my child that never was born. All I had to show that the baby existed is a positive pregnancy test and the scars from the IVs and needles during the horrible pregnancy.

I wanted something special to show that there was a life that was lost. The baby was due at the end of October so I chose a pumpkin. When I explained to Ebon the tattoo artist he said he would draw something special. I had him put the date 4-20-07 under it so I would never forget when my child left this world.

I wanted to feel the pain of the tattoo because I was numb inside. I needed to punish myself a little for not being able to handle the pregnancy. Mostly I sought something I could focus my grief on since I had no grave to visit.

I did an interview with Ebon which can be seen here. He had this to say about people's reactions to memorial tattoos.

"It varies, everyone brings at least one person with them it seems that they can talk and reminisce about the situation. Usually they just remember the funny stuff, the good stuff while they are talking and getting the tattoo done. Usually I can tell how much they love, or how cathartic the tattoo is at the end when they get tears in their eyes."

I asked my hot tattoo mamas group on Cafemom.com about memorial tattoos and got an overwhelming response. I had over 30 replies fairly quickly.

One response was from Holly who got a memorial tattoo for her mother who had passed away when she was 14. "This tattoo helped me so much with grieving, for the 4 years before I got the tattoo I was really lost and felt like I might forget her somehow. After getting this tattoo and sitting in that chair for 2 hours I felt like I had a piece of her that I could carry with me always and I love when people ask me about it because then I can tell them the meaning behind it. I knew that the pain I felt in that moment would never amount to the pain I felt at 14 but it somehow set me free and let me know that I could move on."

Selene knew right away she wanted to get a memorial tattoo for her 2 year old boy who passed away unexpectedly. "We scattered his ashes in the Pacific Ocean just off the coast of Isabella of the Galapagos Islands. We sat on this little piece of earth for a long time watching these giant turtles swim around & play. They were so graceful & majestic. As I watched them my inspiration for the tattoo came. I wanted the Island where we scattered his ashes & a turtle with his thumbprint as the shell."

"The truth is I wanted for the tattoo to be painful. I wanted a physical manifestation of the emotional pain I was suffering through...But it has truly helped me feel better. I now have a little piece of him with me always and I feel that I have honored him by permanently marking myself for him. I feel that this tattoo is unique & complex yet so simple & sweet all at the same time. Just like my sweet boy was."

There are so many other stories like these. All from people with memorial tattoos that helped them deal with the pain of losing someone they loved. Their tattoos brought them peace. My little pumpkin, placed close to my heart has helped me deal with my grief. It has also served as a reminder to others of just when my heart broke. They understand why I am emotional without my having to say a word. Memorial tattoos tell the story of those we have lost and are a comfort to those left behind.

Writer's note:

I would like to give a special thank you to Holly and Selene for allowing me to tell your stories. I would also like to thank all the moms on Cafemom.com who shared the stories of their memorial tattoos and how they helped with the grieving process.