Memories of an Urban SAHD

One thing I have always been aware of, is the fact that my wife has a distinct advantage over me when it come to our children. Early on I realized that even though the umbilical cord had been cut, there still remained a strong although invisible bond between her and them. I think that is part of the reason why you always see big tough football players saying hi and blowing kisses to their moms on television, or why you can say whatever you want about almost anyone, but say something about someone's momma, and you will be in for the fight of your life.

Since I have been aware of this "connection" I have purposely been working overtime to make sure that I have a similar bond with each of my children. Part of the plan has been to spend as much time as I possibly can with them. In fact before each of my children were born, I would talk and sing to them while they were still in the womb. I would rub my wife's stomach and then wait for the little feet to kick back or move.

My wife often jokes and tells people that her role was merely to carry them for nine months, after that they were all my responsibility. Most people thought it was funny but I actually approached it that way. I wanted to do everything I could to create a lasting bond between me and them. In addition to singing and talking to them while they were still in the womb, once they were born I would spend as much time with them as I could. I wanted them to know and remember my face, I wanted them to remember me tucking them in at night, laughing and playing with them, feeding them holding them when they were scared. I wanted those memories burned into their mind's eye so that in the off chance that anyone or anything in the future came along and tried to convince them that I didn't love them or wasn't around for them, those memories would quickly chase those lies away.

In the beginning it was a real challenge, as all of my younger children were born while I was still in the military. My time was pretty much spoken for and many times when I came in I would be exhausted. But I could always manage to find the energy once I was greeted by my wife who always made me feel like a king when I came home. I'm smiling now as I remember our little baby assembly line. I would come in from my morning physical training and with little time to spare head for the shower, where my wife would hand me one of the little ones for their morning cleaning, in a matter of minutes all the little ones would be cleaned and ready to eat, and a few moments later I would be ready for work. When my family and I were stationed together, and when work allowed for it, I would always try to eat lunch at home, it was always fun and entertaining.

I was very fortunate that while my children were still toddlers, to have the opportunity to be a Stay At Home Dad. Even now when they are all in their teens, they still laugh and joke about some of the things that I used to do to entertain them. Everything had to be dramatic. Lunch time was second only to a Broadway production. I remember preparing lunch together with them, we had just finished watching Disney's Pocahontas, we took the song from the movie "Savages" and changed it to "Sandwiches" The hook was "sandwiches sandwiches, we fix em and we eat em! sandwiches sandwiches and then we fix some more! Even now, I sometimes catch them in the kitchen when they think no one is around, singing this song.

That wasn't the only song we hijacked. Occasionally my kids like any other would be tempted to get out of line, but I would give them a not so subtle reminder that I was still the boss. One day while telling them to clean up before they sat down to watch Reading Rainbow, I noticed they were dragging and less than enthusiastic. So I started humming the tune to Reading Rainbow, sensing that I was about to start singing their little faces lit up waiting to hear what I was about to say. This is the official version: Butterfly in the sky, I can go twice as high, Take a look, it's in a book - Reading Rainbow. I can go anywhere!
Friends to know and ways to grow - Reading Rainbow. I can be anything! Take a look, it's in a book - Reading Rainbow. Reading Rainbow, Reading Rainbow, Reading Rainbow, Reading Rainbow!

My version was a little different: I'm gonna make ya cry, when I punch you in the eye, take a look, at my right hook - Swollen Eyeball You won't see anything and to the hospital is where you'll go with your swollen eyeball....swollen eyeball, swollen eyeball.

As I expected once they heard my version they fell on the floor laughing, they were fascinated with the word play and how I made it sound like the regular theme song. They weren't worried about me hitting them, they got my over exaggerated point and then quickly cleaned up and we all sat down together and watched Reading Rainbow, which was actually funnier than usual and filled with giggles, as they preferred singing my version of the theme song instead.

Over the years we have enjoyed many songs, even now they keep me on my toes coming up with songs of their own. When we weren't messing up other people's songs we were always on some sort of adventure. Our daily walks to the post office and the library were more like an urban safari with all kinds of sights to see and sounds to hear along the way. They would be so excited that they would beg me to walk farther and see more, and I would always end up carrying them back home, on on my neck and one in each arm.

I am grateful for that time I was able to spend with my children. Most of my young adult life I spent angry at my dad because he never seemed interested in spending any time with me. In fact I was absolutely angry with him, but fortunately my wife had the courage to stand up to me, and made me realize that if I didn't let go of my anger and resentment toward my father, then I would in essence be dooming my own son and daughters to suffer the same thing. It was her foresight that helped me put all of my energy and effort into being the Dad I always wanted instead of crying about the dad i never had.

The other day my youngest became a teenager, and as I look back I can smile and laugh at all of the fun times we have had. I can also be grateful for the rough spots we have come through as a family. As I look ahead, I can see that it wont be long before they are all striking off on their own, and then they will be entertaining their own children and making up their own songs. Then the real fun begins, when I can teach my grandchildren some songs all about their parents. I can't wait!