Men and Sex

First let me start out by saying that there are many different types of sexuality in the world, and I have no bias nor reproach with any of them. They are all based on individuality and one's own needs. There are heterosexuals, homosexuals, asexuals, bisexuals, and pomosexual (this is the defining of ones sexuality). There are also other types of sexuality such as metrosexual and ubersexual, but these are based more on fashion than physical.

I, like many men, fall into the category of heterosexual, and though this may seem less complicated than any of the other preferences, it is fraught with pitfalls and constant lessons to be learned, (I won't even try to breech any of the other types of sexual preferences or to speak to any of their groups because, quite frankly, I would be speaking through my ass if I tried). From the outset of any relationship, which usually starts with initial visual contact, we, as males, separate potential mates, (I'll use this term because it covers a lot of ground), into three very distinct groups, those we would (or wish we could) have sex with, those we want to have sex with, and those that don't have a prayer of seeing the ceiling of our bedroom at any point. Let me break these down to show how our minds function in this area.

The first category is "those we would (or wish we could) have sex with". This is a wide grouping, and is usually very subjective, based on individual male taste. These are the mates that we would have sex with, but we know that we'd never want to marry or have any lasting relationship, (yes, we do use that word too) with. Let me just say, that when it comes to choosing a sexual partner, we are very easy animals to understand. Even though we are all attracted to different attributes of women, (breasts, butts and beauty-women who possess all three in any mans perspective are the "sexual trinity"), we all are attracted to one constant in any female, and that is "approachability". All women are approachable; it's just not by every man. Different women put out different signs to attract different types of men. Now, as men, we always want what we can't have, so we want the women who give off the "non-approachable" vibe. These are the women who generally drive up the "lust-o-meter" that lives in our loins, but, in the end, are just what the category infers, "those we would have sex with", if we had any chance in Hell! An addendum needs to be placed here for the girls out there that fall into this grouping, but don't necessarily meet the above criteria. They are the sluts, otherwise known as whores, barflies, town bicycles (you know, everyone has had a ride), Saturday night specials and so on. These are the women of convenience that most guys have had occasion to "come" upon at some point or another. They are necessary for mental health and the extrapolation of stress, but no relationship of continuity, (although some turn into f* buddies, which is nothing I know about, but all I can say is "you go boy").

Next up on the radar are "those we want to have sex with". This category in its initial stages are very similar to those of the previous category, but with one major difference, the women in this category possess attributes that make them desirable for a lasting relationship (there's that word again). They are not only approachable, but they also have qualities that make them good breeding fodder, as well as maternal replacements, (don't we all want to marry someone who will take care of us when we're whiny like our moms did?). As men, we want a mate that will cook for us (a way to a mans heart-blah, blah, blah), nurse us (even though we're miserable patients), wait on us (yes, that's wait as in serve beverages and food), wait on us (as in being patient while we keep everything inside that's bothering us until we finally explode and take it out on everyone around us, still without really telling anyone what's really bothering us), understand us (Like that's gonna happen. We complain about women being complicated! Take a look in the mirror guys, we claim not to be complicated, but we don't tell our mates what we want, or GULP, share our feelings. How are they supposed to know what's going on if we don't tell them? Women tell us everything they're feeling and want, we just don't listen!), and finally, we want the bedroom banshee. We want the wildcat that makes us feel like an adult movie star. We want our daytime good girl to turn into our night time insatiable (or at least until we're satiated) sinner. We want our prospective mates to have to a well balanced sense on Yin and Yang, they always want "Ya" in and they only want your Yang. These are the females of the species that we deem as potential "lifers". But, let me make one important point here, great sex does not a great mate make! So many guys marry the first person they have sex with, or marry women who break every carnal law known to mankind. Don't be fooled or roped or misled, sex can be used as a tool by women, whether purposely or not. Make sure they fill many needs in your life, not just one.

The last category to cover here is "those that don't have a prayer of seeing the ceiling of our bedroom at any point". These are any females who don't meet any of the criteria mentioned thus far. But don't make the mistake that I'm talking about ugly women, (though some may surely fall into this category, I firmly believe there is someone for everyone), I'm mainly talking about the members of the opposite sex who are ugly on the inside. Most guys can look past a lot of foibles, both physically, emotionally and even attitude wise. But most of us want a woman with a personality. We don't like anything in a woman that is mean (as a trait, not a reaction), fake (except boobs), judgmental (unless it is in accordance with our judging), and wannabes (you know who you are, try getting your own life for a change). We don't want to bed down with these types because they need too much maintenance, and lets face it guys, we can fix an out of whack carburetor from a 56' Chevy, but we can't fix these out of whack relationship mongers. Mean woman is just a euphemism for Bitch, pure and simple, and who wants one of those? With a fake woman, it's always about her; they only pretend to care about others. Women who judge others will eventually judge you too, that includes the bedroom! The wannabes have all the same things you do (I could almost deal with this type except I'm afraid they'll tell me they have a penis too) and like all the same things you do, because they have an incessant need to fit in, and I want to be the only one to "fit in" anywhere.

Remember that sex is just part of a larger package. It's not the end all be all of any relationship, but it is important. It needs to feel mutual and be mutual. It needs to have intimacy as well as feeling. Don't take sex lightly, it can make or break relationships, but only if not expressed and indulged. Don't use it as a weapon, but as a means of expression. Love and lust are twin sisters that bed down with sex to make a powerful "manage a trios". Sex to any man is a grail that is constantly sought, yet, for as frivolously as we treat it, it is one of the most important dominions of our lives that make or break our fragile male egos. Tread lightly ladies, but tread often!