Men and Women Are Different Species

Some 50 years ago, a rather well-known anthropologist made a startling statement to the scientific press. I won't mention him by name because he is still alive, as far as I know, and has finally managed to be forgotten for making that statement. Invoking his name now would probably cause him to be the target of ridicule for whatever years he has left to live, and I wouldn't wish that upon him.

So, what was his statement? He argued, with a rather impressive degree of success, that men and women are actually separate species, just like gorillas, orang-utans, and chimps are different species in spite of their close resemblance to each other.

When you start comparing the behavioral patterns of male and female humans, you can't help but stop, scratch your head, and wonder if that man was right. The little quirks that set apart the sexes may be small when you quickly look them over, but soon you begin to realize that these quirks aren't little dividing lines-----they are canyons. Just recently, a story made the headlines that human reproduction may be possible without sperm from the male. Was this really news or is the truth finally out that women are a species unto themselves and don't need men for anything?

Looking at literature from the past century establishes that women were often little more than slaves in olden days, subject to the whims of men, and subservient to them, like some sort of pet. This remained in effect until World War II, when females were trained to work in factories and finally started to gain some respect as they did the work that was formerly reserved for men. Thus was Rosie The Riveter born. An interesting side bar to this is that the change in women's status corresponds exactly with the known increase in the interaction between Earth people and extraterrestrials. Historians will note that the first major UFO "flaps" happened in the 1940's. Is it possible that a large portion of space travelers are female, and when people found that out it caused an increase in the respect of women on this planet?

This is just a bit of conjecture, of course, and we really don't want to get into that aspect of the subject at this time because it would take us too far off the beaten track. Our aim here is to look at the differences between men and women to show how they set us apart.

In the natural world of animals, the male is usually the more colorful sex. This is especially true when you look at birds and lizards. Males have bigger and brighter plumage than the female, or their skin patterns will be more resplendent with bright shades, all of which is designed to be appealing to the female and lure her into a sexual encounter. In humans, it is usually the female who dresses up in brighter colors, restyles her hair, puts on makeup, and wears high heels to enhance her appearance so she can catch the eye of the male. Right there that tells you humans aren't like other animals.

Let's look at the intricacies of housing. Back in the days of "Ugh-ugh" the caveman, it was the dominant male who picked where the tribe would stay. Men would enter a cave, evict whatever resident was there, and take over. Eventually, women got a say in the choice of residences. Homes had to be in a particular place, just the right color, windows had to face a certain direction, and so on. This increased role in house hunting by females is what led to the rise of the real estate agent, whose sole purpose in the world is to find homes that please women. Guys don't care where a house is as long as it affords them protection from the elements and a place to sleep. We don't really think it's important for the curtains to match the color of our eyes or the fact that a bedspread with ducks on it clashes with the nightstand lamp. Oh, and another thing: why do we call it "real estate" instead of just "estate"? Is there anyone out there selling "fake estate"?

Have you considered how males and females look at food? Humans are carnivores, and that's why our teeth are made the way they are---to eat meat by tearing flesh off bones. Women, as their voices came to be heard, began to complain about how much work it was to prepare all the meals, so in order to appease them, men began creating new methods of reducing women's time in the kitchen with such things as microwave ovens and fast food. In the old days, women were able to control what went into meals at home because they were all made from scratch by them. Even today, when we go out to eat, they keep on trying to control our eating habits by making comments about our choices. They'll say things like "Do you know how bad that is for you" or "I think you should go on a diet". First off, men don't care how bad things are for us. We eat things because we like them. As for diets, what are the first three letters in that word? That's right---"d, i, e". You'll notice that most of the people who designed popular diet plans are dead. There are three doctors who told me my eating habits would kill me, and I've been to all their funerals. Please pass me those mashed potatoes covered in butter and gravy.

Most men don't care about how they dress. They put on clothes that match the temperature and are comfortable. Women go over the edge a lot when they dress, often wearing clothes that are tighter than another layer of skin just to show off their figures, and if a man comments on that figure, he's considered to be a pervert. If a man sees another guy wearing the same clothes he does, he thinks "Now there's a guy who knows how to dress", and we think he's got good taste. If a woman spots another lady wearing the same clothes she does, she's mortified and takes a fit, especially if the outfit looks better on the other woman.

Let's look at shopping, which is truly a female thing. Men don't shop. When we need a loaf of bread or a pair of shoes, we go out, buy what we need, and come back. Buying a loaf of bread doesn't involve going through all 48 aisles of the grocery store, and you don't have to try every pair of shoes in the store or see if a certain style in a size 5 will fit you when you wear a size 7. Men are the reason why there are 7-11 stores. Their premise is simple for guys. You should be able to walk into a store and leave with what you came for in seven to eleven minutes. Grocery stores, you will note, are always crowded with women. The crowding is made worse by the fact that women have little regard for how they drive their shopping carts. A woman will suddenly recall that she passed the green beans a while back and leave her cart in the middle of the aisle while she goes back to get the beans. Meanwhile, no one else can get through that blocked aisle, and if you try to move her cart out of the way, she'll get mad and hit you with her zucchini.

I've mentioned this before, but it bears repeating. Why is it that human females are unable to see through a glass freezer door? Whether it's the ice cream or TV dinner case, women just have to open the freezer door to look at the packages. Why? Does the color of the package or the spelling of the brand name change when you open the door? After that freezer door is opened for an extended length of time like that, it fogs up, and the next person can't see what's in that freezer section, so naturally the door must be opened again so the next lady can see what's in the case, even though she knows she's not going to buy any of that stuff anyway.

Clothing is another matter. As I said, guys dress to be comfortable, and women are always trying to change that. This is especially true after a couple gets married. Women try to control how we dress because they're too old to play with dolls and we guys become their substitute "Ken" doll. What do we hear a lot, guys? "You're not going to wear that shirt, are you" or "You can't wear those pants with that shirt". Why not? Do those pants have three legs or something? Don't try to tell her it doesn't matter, because it will lead to an endless argument about how you'll embarrass her. Here's a suggestion: why don't you dress casual too, that way you won't feel your $300 dress clashes with my $5 shirt, OK? Ladies, if you want to eliminate a lot of arguing, then let us dress the way we want and stop bugging us about getting a queer makeover.

There are even major differences in what movies and TV shows we watch. Guys like action, car chases, shooting, and explosions while women prefer "romantic" stuff and light comedy. Even if the story is about a couple getting a divorce, if someone gets shot or a house blows up, guys will watch it. On the other hand, if the story is about a group of prisoners of war, a woman will watch it if she hears that the story involves a male and female prisoner who develop a romantic attraction. Guys keep tabs of how many cars blow up, women count how many times they hear "I love you".

Still, men and women need to be with each other, so there will be times when they will go see the other sex's type of movie, just to show how "sensitive" they are to their mate's preferences. No they're not. They are merely doing it to avoid an argument that would develop because of their differences.

All things said, done, and considered, it looks like that scientist was right all those years ago. Men and women must be separate species. We are way too different for any other explanation to make sense. I'd love to discuss this further but I have to leave now. My wife just noticed I'm wearing that shirt again, and I have to go change.