Menopause: Puberty in Reverse

Every woman experiences it eventually. This phenomenon of decreased metabolic and physiologic activity continues to be plagued by misunderstanding, misconception, anger, and sometimes despair. As a young girl develops into womanhood, her body produces hormones capable of causing major body changes and development. Hormone production enables pregnancy and the consequent feeding of the young .In middle age, women experience a decline of these same activities; yet, due to the fact that she usually no longer lives alone it has a much greater impact.

Menopause is but another transition in a woman's life. It is perfectly normal, natural, and expected. Nevertheless, why must it be so traumatic to so many? Perhaps the following information and suggestions may help change the stereotype of this event.

Only about thirty percent of women pass through this phase of life untouched by any of the signs or symptoms that accompany the end of the childbearing years. The other seventy percent deal with hot flashes, emotional upheaval, weight gain, fatigue, decreased sexual desire and/or interest, and body image changes. These affect women in varying degrees, no two alike. Menopause can last from one to fifteen years or more. Some women welcome the cessation of menstruation while others sink into despair caused by feelings of 'not being a real woman' anymore.
A common misconception in the media and health care industry is that the woman alone suffers the symptoms of this metabolic shutdown. However, what do the husbands experience? They may not feel the sensation of boiling blood rush from the center of the chest and down to the tips of the toes, or the sudden breakouts of dripping perspiration, even on cold wintry days. They must feel sudden confusion, consternation, and feelings of rejection when they reach out to cuddle, only to hear," Don't touch me, I'm on fire!", or, "It's too hot." The feelings of rejection, and just not understanding the depth of discomfort, cause a sudden, unexpected strain on marriage and the best of friendships.

The gradual atrophy of reproductive organs and painful intercourse hammers another blow to the unsuspecting spouse. They have become 'the enemy', causing pain and discomfort.

Women must suddenly deal with changes of body image, due to the redistribution of fat storage, slowed metabolism, drier skin, and thinning of the skin. They are suddenly looking 'like my mother!". Feelings of unattractiveness drive these women further into despair and they become unable to gain satisfaction from intimacy.
Children grow up and leave the home during this stage, leaving the woman with a void that leaves an added feeling of uselessness. This period, during menopause, becomes the true test of marital commitment and devotion. Now is the time for partners to reach a higher level of intimacy, one that is not physical, but emotional. Patterns of behavior and the roles in the relationship must be adapted to enable new avenues of closeness and companionship. A couple may discover alternative methods to accomplish sexual gratification and feelings of intimacy in this new phase of their relationship.

Taking time together for non-sexual activities can deepen a friendship that may have been put 'on hold' during the child-rearing years. New hobbies, activities, and locations may be a new avenue for growth.

During this time of emotional instability, physical discomfort, and drastic changes in the marital relationship, women must be sensitive to and aware that although they may be miserable physically, their mates may be miserable emotionally. Women must remember to remind their partners that they still love them as deeply as before. Men must also be encouraged to be empathetic and understanding. Women are not doing this 'to them'.

Menopause can be a new, exciting phase of life, one in which a woman again becomes 'herself', not just "mom" or "wife". Support groups abound in communities and the Internet to assist women through this new adventure in life. Understanding the changes makes the difference between despair and depression, or peace and adventure.

Mazumdar, Dr.Gynae Online:A fee based online consultation for Obstetrics & Gynaecology. http://www.gynaeonline.com/menopause.htm