Mentoring

One of the duties outlined in my job description is to be a mentor. I was so excited knowing I would be shaping young minds and inspiring a generation. Well, I'm sure you know it's not that easy.

During a discussion with a group of children (ages 7 to10) I asked a question every child should be asked by age 5 - "What do you want to be when you grow up?" This question is very important for many reasons. But two that instantly come to mind are 1 it engages the creative spirit of a child and gets them thinking about the future. 2 it allows the person asking the question an opportunity to help those kids form their sporadic little thoughts into something plausible.

After a response from one of the 7 year old boys I realized #2 is being neglected; either in the schools or the homes.

As I asked this question, we all have been asked at some point in our lives, all of those little hands shot up. I diligently listened as "Policeman", "Fireman", "doctor" and "teacher" was yelled across the room. Then I waited patiently for the inevitable. "Basketball star!" There it was. My introduction to shaping a young mind.

"Well," I began. "How often do you practice your game?" I wanted to get a feel for how serious this young man's desire was to play this fantastic sport. Athletes and entertainers have always seemed to ignite a child's inquisitive spirit.

I played basketball in grade school and very briefly in the military. Neither my game nor my desire was ever tight enough for the pros (heck, I was bench warmer.) Not to mention the fact that it's a different scenario for women. But I was not going to deny this child his right to dream.

"So, how often do you play?" I asked.

"I don't. I just want to be a basketball star" he cheerfully sharing while smiling through what was left of his baby teeth.

To say I was baffled would be a lie. I all but hit the floor.

Somehow, somewhere, someone had allowed this child to believe, that without even attempting the act of the very thing he wanted, he could be successful at it! I'm all for being ambitious but are we really raising our kids to have dreams that go beyond reality.

Maybe it's me. Maybe a young man can just look at a basketball as a child. Then at the age of 20 and through some type of cosmic osmosis, pick up that ball and make Jordan's skills look weak. Not likely.

It is imperative that when encouraging kids adults remember to factor in reality.

Anything you truly desire in life can be accomplished. But not without studying the subject, applying the skills and principles and then practicing it. Regardless of the subject, you will never stop learning about your profession; especially if you choose network communications as a career option.

Just ten years ago the masses were getting comfortable with cell phones and discussing the effects of the antenna and the brain. Today we have the IPhone!

I'm not sure where to start with this, but since the little boy in this story had others cheering him on, I must believe he is not alone in his thoughts of gaining popularity through transcendental meditation.

You can think about it all day long. But I would not recommend attempting anything (surgery, skydiving, football, or teaching) without first training for it. Sure, you could run a marathon. But, running in your head will spare you the pain and shin splints. Literally running a 5K without training or understand the nutritional factors that go along with it will land you in the hospital with many aches and pains if it doesn't kill you.

So, where do we begin with the babies?

1^st - Give realistic encouragement when talking with kids.

I am 42. I grew up watching Zoom, the Electric Company (yes that was the wonderful Mr. Morgan Freeman teaching us phonics. Thanks Mr. Freeman!), Sesame Street, and New Zoo Revue. Animals, cartoons, numbers and letters were used to give instruction. I knew at five that numbers and letters could not talk. But I wasn't sold on there not being a grouch living in a trash can somewhere.

Oh, and I'm sure my brother and his friends were not the only little boys in the hospital after jumping out of the second floor window or off of the roof with a sheet or towel tied around their necks because, "Superman did it!".

Help them to understand fact from fiction. I'm sure this is hard for parents because this is a passage from baby to big girl/boy status. But, the learning process for kids requires they mature, grow and become independent. You had to!

Drive home the fact that successful people went to school and worked really hard to gain their level of success. I can't think of anyone (even a rapper) who didn't invest many hours and sweat-equity into the investment of their dream. They had to get past the talking and singing letters to find their voice in order to accomplish their goals.

2^nd - Help them identify something realistic for their age range.

We all know what we wanted to do at 7. That dream changed every six months until we turned 30! I recall telling my mother I wanted to fly. I was about 5 years old and I wanted to "fly like the birds." This really confused my mother. She kept questioning me about my career choice because she knew it was humanly impossible to fly like a bird. Well, later that day while watching TV she realized I had saw someone on TV parasailing. I didn't know what it was. She had never seen it before (definitely hadn't seen black folks do it) and it was very confusing. But, she did not deter me from my dream.

My mother was one of the best mentors I have ever met. Regardless of how out of the box my thoughts were she had one line, that to this day, has helped me put things into perspective - - "Go to the library and read up on it."

Her encouragement (trickery) instilled in me a love for the library and turned me into a researching guru!

Reading about parasailing lead me to something else. I forget what that something else was and I have yet to parasail. But I have been very successful with most of my endeavors.

3^rd - Do not allow they to be lazy

I work mainly with inner city kids. It is not okay to give a kid the easy way out. At 42 I know the world is not that accommodating. Maybe to the rich and famous. But unless you are born into money, marry money, win a large sum of money; you are going to have to work hard and consistently for what you get.

The images kids are being fed are totally unrealistic and are not being monitored. If you are put in a position to be a mentor, realize you're up against VH1, BET and MTV. Not to mention that most of the mothers are mere babies themselves and too many of these kids wouldn't know their dads if he were standing directly in front of them.

If the kids under your charge are born into a sea of bad breaks, don't be the one to drop the ball and hand them a pacifier. It would be best to continue encouraging them in a positive manner, bring bad behavior to their attention and correct that behavior at that moment. Also, tell kids when they do good. Most inner city kids are bombarded with a symphony of "Stupid, dummy, ass" and other things you would only say to people who really piss you off.

I had to visit a school a couple of weeks ago and met the prettiest little chocolate faced girl. She was beside herself that some boy in her class (who liked her) kept saying mean things to her. She said that's why she said the bad things that landed her in the principal's office.

After discussing the dynamics of the mind of an 8 year old boy, I ended the conversation by saying, "you are too intelligent and beautiful to let any of that get to you. Aren't you?" Her perfect little Pepsodent smile flashed and I felt as if I had moved a mountain.

In looking at how the child was dressed and the sadness in her eyes, I was certain she hadn't been told she was intelligent; definitely not beautiful. Plus, I was looking into the eyes of 8 year old Gail and saying what I knew would have made me feel better.

4^th - Try to remember being a child to help you help them

My four year old "hood" experience was totally different from the experience a four year old would have today. There isn't a vast gap. I mean, the hood is the hood (dirty, unsafe, scary, mean and uncaring). I thankfully had a mother who had a vision much bigger than that neighborhood and insisted we know more than what was going on within a 10 block radius.

Kindergarten was a horrible place. Mind you, I loved learning. But having to go to school and fight every day was not pleasant. Not to mention having to live in an environment where my virtue was at risk of being snatched away if my parents blinked too long. Top that off with young parents whose method of loving one another meant hours of yelling about things I had no control over.

If you lived in a Clever or Huxtable type of setting you should build a monument to your parents. There are many kids who are suffering due to bad decisions on the parts of their care-givers and it puts them in a bad light.

If you are mentoring a child, realize, you cannot save them all. You are not responsible for their pain. You must do what you can and if you get one on the right path you've done a great thing.

We lived in Elkhart, Indiana during my informative years. My class got the opportunity to attend a seminar for "underpriviledged" kids. It was in Chicago and Author Ashe was the speaker.

I have never forgotten portions of Mr. Ashe's speech. Mainly because it ended with him yelling at us and telling us "This is why no one wants to help you kids because you don't listen!" I wanted to stand up and yell, "I was listening!" But I knew the main bully in the school would have killed me that day if I had.

Years after the fact, long before Mr. Ashe got sick, I wrote him a letter, thanking him for lspeaking as long as he did. Also to let him know someone was listening.

Remember being 5, 8, 10, 12 and know that kids are kids. All of the meanness, the giggling and wonderment has not changed since we were kids. They unfortunately have too much information at their little hands. And will use their knowledge to test your patience at every waking moment.

Most importantly, you must get them to identify their strengths, develop their goals, study (diligently) their chosen craft, apply what they learn in a practical setting (internship, after school program, volunteering) and then practice until they become efficient enough to have the title "expert" put upon them.

The main thing about mentoring is you have to be it for them to believe it.