Merry Christmas? Happy Holidays? Here's One: Stop Your Bitching!

It's started up again. Crazies from both sides of the Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays wars are at it again this year.

Christians are all in a snit because businesses and local governments-both recognizing the fact that many of their customers and citizens are not Christians-have taken to using the term "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas." Manger scenes and crosses are no longer displayed on the grounds of many local government buildings. And although it is probably the right thing to do, it is certainly another ridiculous, politically correct attempt to not offend anyone-even though few non-Christians are really offended by the words "Merry Christmas" or the display of religious symbols during the holidays.

But the reaction of some Christians is equally ridiculous. Bozo alarmists like Glenn Beck and Bill O'Reilly have once again riled up their idiot minions by claiming there is a "War on Christmas." What are these people afraid of? No one is invading their homes and taking away their decorations or invading their empty heads and erasing their religious beliefs. If they are worried about the wording of what is supposed to be a cheerful holiday greeting, they are missing the point of the season: "Peace on Earth, Good will toward men." Hey guys, it's right there in your precious Bibles-practice it! Stop the bitching and moaning.

As non-believing, agnostic, pagan, heathen scum, I use both greetings during this time of the year. Sometimes I say, "Merry Christmas!" and other times I say, "Happy Holidays!" And there are rare occasions when I say "Blow it out your ass!" because some people are really annoying during the holidays. But whether it's Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays, both greetings work because each refers to the holiday season. And the holiday season is supposed to be about having fun and spreading cheer and laughing and smiling and spending time with loved-ones and exchanging presents and-most importantly-caring about one another.

I'm not a believer, but I've stood out in the snow and cold next to the red coin bucket ringing that annoying bell for the Salvation Army. That's right! Me-Mr. Take-Your-Religious-Beliefs-And-Stick-'Em-Up-Your-Ass! Why? Because it is the right thing to do. The Salvation Army does good things. They don't take in money to build enormous churches and pay off victims of child molesting priests and buy off politicians-they use it to feed and clothe the needy and provide comfort for those our wonderful capitalist, Christian nation has left behind.

I even put a small nativity scene under my Christmas tree each holiday season. Why would a heathen do that? Because a manger with its tiny figures of Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus is just one of many traditional Christmas symbols that represent one of my favorite times of the year. And it doesn't interfere with my personal beliefs. Just as I'm fairly certain this Jesus fella wasn't really the son of God, I am also pretty sure a fat man dressed in red, delivering presents to good, little children is a bunch of made up crap too. But I have plenty of Santa decorations around the house because he too is a part of Christmas tradition-as are Frosty the Snowman, Rudolph and the Grinch. Hell, I'm not Jewish, but if Hanukkah was even one-third as much fun as Christmas, I'd add a menorah to my decorations, but spinning dreidels and lighting a bunch of candles for eight days just doesn't do it for me.

So let's stop the fighting, everyone! Christians, you don't own the season. And stop pretending there is a war on Christmas and a war on Christianity. You have it all your way in America and as long as people feel the need to cling to superstitious mumbo-jumbo, you will continue to thrive. And non-Christians, if you are offended by the words "Merry Christmas," you're wasting your time on meaningless crap. It's the message of the season that matters-not how that message is presented.

This Christmas season, do something nice for somebody. Put differences aside and help your fellow man. Drop some coins in the bucket and be thankful for what you have. Have some goodies and drink some spirits.

And stop your bitching!