Merry Freakin' Something

Ah, it's that time of year again. The snow is falling. Families are gathering together. Sales are on. Protesters take to the streets with "Merry CHRISTmas" signs. Wait... something seems a little out of place here. I replay these observations in my head. I fast-forward to the part where the nice store clerk wishes her customer "Happy Holidays!" and he responds by shoving his nose in the air and proclaiming "Merry... CHRIST-mas!" I think we've identified our scrooge.

What is it about what has traditionally been one of the least politically charged holidays of our fair land that causes such strife? Well, it seems, the Evangelicals are once again convinced that our main goal in life is to eradicate Jesus from absolutely everything whilst simultaneously planning their eventual persecution and silencing. They point to our recent attempt to protect the public from hateful harassment, our attempt to provide our children with a semi-helpful education on health and sexuality, and, of course, our attempts to secularize their sacred holiday. But, here is the little known secret: It's not their holiday.

Ironically, the celebration of Christmas as the birth of Christ was a high-jacking of the what was traditionally the winter solstice celebration of Mithra. In fact, celebrating the newly formed Christmas was at first banned by the church, as documented by The Catholic Encyclopedia (1913). By placing a nativity scene under a decorated Christmas tree whilst waiting for Santa to bring gifts, one is most likely participating in an infinitely more diverse celebration of religions and customs than s/he realizes.

Enough about the decidedly non-Christian origins of Christmas and the fact that no respected source actually places the birth of Christ on the 25 of December. There is an even more practical reason for the businesses to wish customers "happy holidays." As the Evangelicals have apparently failed to notice, there are a minimum of three major religious celebrations in the month of December: Kwanzaa (week-long celebration of African heritage), Hanukkah (eight-day commemoration of the Second Temple rededication in Jerusalem during the time of the Maccabean Revolt), and Christmas (celebration of the birth of Jesus the Christ). Some have even produced "Merry Chrismahanukwanzaa" cards. However, to expect store employees to go through that ridiculous routine with every customer is, well, ridiculous. So it appears "Happy holidays!" will have to suffice, and the other holiday-celebrators aren't complaining.

The problem really comes back to the unashamed arrogance of the militant Christmas front. This extreme branch of Christianity has historically developed a false sense of persecution, expecting rights and privileges that no other religious group would be shameless enough to demand: the right to harass, the right to force religious observation, the right to bar marriage, the right to decide what families are qualified to raise children. It's really all quite ridiculous, but it cannot be dismissed. To write this crowd off would be dangerous.

Their threat to American society has been growing in recent years as their numbers increase while the more gentle forces of Christianity have been losing members to this extremist front. In fact, some religious groups have been forced to start special intervention to protect their own branches, as this militant branch of Christianity is literally trained to debunk the faith of all other groups. Not some, all, including those of their own religion who have fallen out of their good graces.

As such, their bizarre and insistent Christmas Crusade is unsurprising. In fact, in the wake of news coverage and commentary from shows such as The O'Reilly Factor, the phrase "Merry Christmas!" has become one of political and cultural affiliation rather than goodwill. This is truly a sad development as Christmas has traditionally been a holiday of unity and love. I for one would like this holiday back. So until the Evangelicals release their stranglehold, I think I'm just going to don my dashiki and get down with the Kwanzaa beat. Who's with me?