Michael Jackson - the Man Child Who Could Not Grow Up

The uniqueness that was Michael Jackson left many people watching his memorial with ambivalence. Is it OK to care about him? Should his alleged actions - remember he was never found guilty of being a pedophile - overshadow his amazing talent and accomplishments? Dare I say I liked him? His fans will say yes - and his critics will say no. But most people just aren't sure how to feel.

Certainly his talent is undeniable. We spent our entire childhoods dancing and singing to Michael Jackson songs. His appeal spanned generations. We got out of our chairs and danced along. He was a "thriller" for us for years.

As we adored him, he clearly did not adore himself. He was constantly tearing away his face, repeatedly going through surgeries to recreate another self; changing his skin color, keeping himself frighteningly thin as if hoping to not be seen and to disappear. Until he accomplished his goal. And now he has disappeared.

It's easy to criticize a 50 year old man whose most fervent desire was to be Peter Pan, not grow up, and live his life in Neverland. And it's easy to believe that anyone who would spend millions to create a playland might be using it to lure youngsters to satisfy deviant desires. Maybe is money allowed him to be more blatant then a pedophile would ever be. But with all the possibilities one thing is clear. Michael Jackson had a severe maturational lag and emotionally was a very young child. Though the calendar said he was 50 his extremely limited childhood experiences left a hole in him he could never fill.

Try as he might, he couldn't get past never having any of the expectable, normal childhood life experiences that kids need to mature and function successfully in the society hey live in.

If someone put you in a closet for a month you would be a month older when you came out. But would you be smarter? Or have matured at all. All of that would have been totally stifled. If I took you out of the closet and taught you to read, that is all you would know. You might be smarter but still not more mature. Maturity comes from having constant and various life experiences. Children who have been very sick, kids who use drugs, those who have experienced abuse and neglect, and any other situation which pulled them from the mainstream of what is considered a "normal" childhood can experience a maturational lag. Many people have this to one degree or another. Today child protégés are given the opportunity to socialize and be a child. People know how important this is. Michael's maturational lag was extreme. And though his agile body amazed us, he was crippled by his inability to function as a normal adult in the world in which he lived.

Seeing him this way may help to alleviate the ambivalence in how people mourn him. This man-child was a giant in his field and changed the world of music and entertainment forever. It's a tragedy that he could not fill his own shoes.