Michael Vick to Fight in Human-Fighting Ring

Atlanta Falcons' quarterback Michael Vick has come under serious ridicule since being accused of participating in organized dog fighting. In an unconventional decision, Falcons coach Bobby Petrino decided that in addition to suspending Michael Vick from the team for one season, Vick will be forced to fight other football players in a cage fight.

"I have a strong belief in Greek mythology style punishments that are truly ironic and cruel," stated Petrino, "although I don't know how cruel this will actually be for Michael, since he apparently really enjoys fights like this one."

The fight will be held in Petrino's basement, in a giant cage. To prepare Vick for the fight, Petrino is putting him through rigorous training that includes locking him in a cage in the basement, not allowing him to eat a week before the fight, and bludgeoning him repeatedly with sharp pointy objects.

"I've even had Michael train with some of his old dogs," said Petrino, "Michael must be a really good dog trainer, because they messed him up pretty bad. I actually thought he died, but he got up after a day or two. I think he really appreciated training with them, because he's learned so much."

Locals from all walks of life are placing bets on the fights, including Falcons owner Arthur Blank. "Bobby just started Michael's training last week, but so far, I'm very impressed," said Blank, "Michael is going to make me a lot of money, and although he may no longer be playing with the Falcons, he will definitely be a star in pro-football player caged fighting."

Vick will be competing against other notorious bad boy football players including LeShon Johnson (previously accused of being involved in organized dog-fighting), and Ray Lewis, Rae Carruth and O.J. Simpson (all previously charged with murder). There have also been unconfirmed rumors that Terrell Owens and Chad Johnson may participate in the fights, as punishment for being over-the-top, annoying assholes.

"I think that Michael Vick stands a fair chance of winning," said local man Ralph Conway, who was placing his bet on Vick, "although he is definitely not the most experienced, he definitely is one of the most aggressive, arrogant and psychologically screwed up fighters. And as we all know, that's what counts in the world of caged human fighting."

(Please note that the above story is pure fiction and intended for sick, twisted humor only).