Middle Child Syndrome & Grandchildren
How MCS Affects the Second Generation
The middle child often feels a sense of loneliness and feels as though they do not have a role in the family structure. As they grow older into adulthood, they tend to distance themselves from their parents and siblings in order to find out where they belong. They obviously feel as though they don't belong in their own family so they look elsewhere to find acceptance and a sense of belonging.
The middle child also feels as though they always have to compete with their siblings because they are starved for attention. Some say that middle children are not as motivated and tend to be underachievers, but I believe this theory is false. Most middle children that I know are overachievers and doing whatever they can to prove their worth and value.
What hurts the most about being a middle child is not how I am treated, but how my child is treated. Middle child syndrome passes down to the next generation as well so the cycle continues. When you are the middle child and you are receiving the least amount of attention from your parents, what do you think happens to the grandchildren of the middle child? My younger sibling's children spend the most time with my parents and because there are so many of them, and because it is stressful for my parents, my child takes a backseat. They see my child the least and I normally have to ask if my child can come and visit or if we can come and visit as a family so that my child can see the grandparents.
I know my child is loved just as I am, but the unfairness passes on to the next generation and my child is not stupid. My child sees that the cousins are getting more attention and seeing grandma and grandpa more. It hurts to see the look in your child's eyes when they can't understand why they don't matter as much. It is the hurt look I'm sure I expressed when I was young.
If you are the parents of a middle child, or if you have grandchildren to your middle child, work hard at making those children feel just as special as your other grandchildren or children. It is not fair to the children to be put in an unfair position just because of their birth order. It is even more unfair to the grandchildren.
Sources and my other AC articles on middle child syndrome:
Published by WD
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- I know my child is loved just as I am, but the unfairness passes on to the next generation.
- What hurts the most about being a middle child is not how I am treated, but how my child is treated.
- My child sees that the cousins are getting more attention and seeing grandma and grandpa more.
3 Comments
Post a CommentGreat article. MCS does exist but it is not an excuse. While I have done well with my life and career, I very much struggle with the grandchildren thing. The cycle does repeat itself and parents are clueless. I have found certain aunts and uncles and many, many friends to be more understanding. Nuff said!
Great article. Have you done any research on middle children and gay? My oldest brother was gay as I am, however, we were nothing a like in our personal lives. He passed in 1996 from AIDS. The remaining brothers are all straight. I find that being a middle child and gay kind of gives it a double punch. My family accepted my oldest brother, but won't accept mine. My oldest brother had a hard time with relationships and was very promiscuous. I have a long term/time relationship, but my family won't accept him. I no longer talk to my brothers and am ready to cut ties with my mother.
i like turtles.