Milestone Charts for Babies - A Mother's Worse Enemy

The worst invention of man may be the milestone chart. I belong to Babycenter.com, where every week they send you an email of what your infant "may" be doing. At the bottom of the email is a disclaimer stating that all babies develop at their own pace and each baby is an individual and they are all wonderful and not to worry but if you do worry you better call your pediatrician immediately as there may be something horribly wrong with your baby. And don't forget to check our store for all the new developmental toys!

As you may have guessed by now, I am a bit neurotic. I am the three "Fs": Focused, Frightened, and Fickle. I am focused on devouring the email the second it enters my inbox, determined to compare my wonderful and brilliant son to all the other wonderful yet slightly less brilliant (just kidding moms!) babies out there. I am frightened that my baby won't measure up. I am fickle because depending on what the email says, I either love Babycenter, and subsequently tell all my friends how awesome the website is, or I hate Babycenter, and want to write a lengthy editorial describing its complete lack of reliable information.

For the first six months, I would read the emails aloud to my husband, laughing at the ridiculous "milestones" that my baby could pass in his sleep! Ha! Laughing? He did that at two months! Sitting up unassisted? Five months! Tracking objects? Try two months baby! Our son was a genius! No milestone could stump him!

Then came Month Six. Most babies would be rolling over. My son had only rolled over twice completely by accident. Then came Month Seven. Most babies would be rolling over both ways, attempting to crawl, and babbling. My baby was not doing this. Then came Month Eight. Now he was supposed to be saying "mama" and/or "dada," crawling, and maybe standing while holding on to furniture! OH MY GOD! My son was doing none of these things. I wrote an extremely panicked email to our absolutely wonderful pediatrician. (Side note: your pediatrician is the most important tool in your arsenal against being crazy. Find the best, kindest, most knowledgeable and sensible one you can, and NEVER let her go! I will dedicate a whole article to this subject in a later segment.) The email was a lengthy panic-fest at his immobility and non-babbling state. Two days later, he started babbling "ba-ba" and "da-da." I wrote her a sheepish apology, explaining he was now babbling, but still completely uninterested in moving.

Now I had already engaged in lengthy conversations with our doc regarding his lack of movement. She asked if he twisted and turned while sitting. Yes, yes he did. She asked if when laying on his back if he twisted and turned. Yes, he did that too. She asked if he kicked while on his tummy, grabbed things, etc. The answer to all of this was yes. At our many visits (he has allergies, ear infections, eczema) she always carefully checked him and assured me that he was developing just fine, he would move in his own time, and chill babies can just take a while moving around. And by the way, didn't I want to stop reading all these websites?

Parents love to compare their babies. It is reminiscent of young children trading baseball cards. It is a delicate dance where you are trying to make sure your friend's child isn't ahead of yours, without making your friend panic at their baby's lack of milestone achievement. At least, that is how I view it. Apparently the rest of the general public does not worry one bit about how I will feel from the following comments (these are 100% genuine, and have been said to me in the last few months):

"Oh, my grandson is 7 months and crawls, stands, cruises, says "mama" "dada" "no" and "hiya." Sounds like your 8 month old is a bit on the slow side!"

"Your 8 month old doesn't crawl? Well my wife is a teacher and has read many reports where they link crawling and the ability to read. You better get on that!"

"Your almost 9 month old hasn't taken a step? My daughter walked at 6 months! Maybe you should check with your pediatrician."

"Your 8 month old isn't babbling? I bet he has a speech impediment. Or maybe autism."

After restraining myself from slapping these folks straight in the mouth (violence is never the answer, kids!) I rushed home/online/to the pediatrician to confirm that my son is "normal."

And therein lays the problem with milestone charts: they are, essentially, averages. Meaning that half of the babies do more, and half do less, and that doesn't necessarily mean that there are any problems. As I stated earlier, I trust my pediatrician, and she says my boy is just fine. Most importantly, though, I am learning to trust myself. I feel like I know my baby better than anyone. I see the happy, laughing, babbling, and energetic little baby that is always in front of me and realize that it is absolutely true: all babies develop differently. Yes, my son isn't crawling, but he thrashes around like a mad man on the changing table. Yes, he isn't saying "mama" but he certainly can say "dada" and "baba." Yes, he isn't standing on his own but he does laugh with glee when we hold him up and he stomps on the floor.

So after freaking out, checking with his pediatrician for the 100^th time, and watching him closely for any signs of impairment, I am slowly realizing that there will always be a baby out there that does "more" than he does. And you know what? If it's your baby, I'm happy for you! Because my son is perfect just the way he is, and I know yours is too. There shouldn't be any competition amongst us parents, as all that can do is set us up for disappointment when our babies don't "measure up" to the charts. Instead, we should celebrate with each other every new skill our babies' master, and celebrate with our babies each moment of their exciting new lives. Let's not get caught up in the charts, but instead, let's get caught up in the wonderful little people we get to experience each day.