Mimi Tanner's Secrets of Flirting Revealed and How it Compares to 3 of the Top Dating Books by Today's Relationship Experts

Today's modern woman fancies herself ultra modern: self-reliant, financially and otherwise independent, and not in need of door holding or saving, thank you very much. Well, when I said "today's woman" I meant that in a broad stroke statement kind of way. There are some die-hard "Rules" girls out there, and then there are some who are comfortably in between old-fashioned and modern. I happen to fall into the latter category. Depending on which type of gal you are, Mimi Tanner's dating and flirting tips may be a bitter pill for you to swallow. My advice...get a big glass of water and pop that pill 'cause many of the natural tendencies women have in dating and relationships, are self-sabotaging.

You're probably wondering, just who is Mimi Tanner? She's an author, a mother, and someone many have grown to respect when it comes to love and feminine charm and grace. Tanner runs Secrets of Flirting, a free interactive email correspondence course in flirting, charm, dating, and relationships. Many of these love related newsletter/email courses aren't worth the asking price, but Tanner's free subscription offers valuable tips and advice based on her own experience, validated with intelligent reasoning.

Tanner's dating strategies are rooted in classic old-fashioned femininity, but without the oppressively limiting qualities of The Rules. Tanner urges women to stop trying to date and live like men but rather to embrace their own unique sexuality. Tanner teaches women to use sensuality and femininity to not only develop strong and lasting relationships but to promote empowerment and strength so that women can have the loving boyfriend or spouse, the great job, and the kids. That's what we want right? We want it all, or at least the option to have it all. We want to have our alarmingly delicious zero calorie cake and eat it too. And we want to do it in a stylish pair of Giuseppi heels.

Though Tanner approaches love from an old fashioned perspective, she is not narrow minded or rigid; in fact, some of her methods are refreshingly symbiotic with He's Just Not That Into You (by Greg Behrendt, Liz Tuccillo) and Be Honest--You're Not That Into Him Either (by Ian Kerner, Ph.D.). What Tanner exemplifies is that the controlled old-fashioned way of dating might not be pretty packaging for some, but it works.

On any given day and depending on how many different email updates you sign-up for you may find a question from a reader, an article from a fellow dating/relationship author, a rant or story from Tanner, and/or discounts or alerts on other author's books and email programs. These emails arrive daily and are never dull; over time readers will learn Tanner's methods and beliefs.

A Few of Tanner's Tips and Topics

If you want to know what her views are on each of these and/or how each applies specifically, sign-up for her program.

Gratitude is very attractive

Creative visualization for building a sense of self

Don't call him, he'll call you

Don't cry on a date

Once the relationship is established, then the woman can offer to pay

Never scold a man

Keep nails painted always and don't fall into frumpiness

Don't move in until you're married

Smile

How you appear in the first few dates is very important and can make or break a relationship

Tanner vs. He's Just Not That Into You

Behrendt and Tuccillo's book He's Just Not That Into You is the introduction you need to read in order to apply Tanner's tips properly. He's Just Not That Into You tells women to be proactive: don't wait for a guy to decide if he likes you, don't wait by the phone for his call, don't wait for him to change, and don't wait for him to commit or break-up with you. Instead He's Just Not That Into You encourages women to act: break-up with him if he's not who you want, keep your options open, be clear about your boundaries, etc., etc. He's Just Not That Into You also outlines which types of men to avoid, and I feel confidant in assuming that Tanner would agree with all of the red flag men Behrendt and Tuccillo summarize in the book.

After reading this book, you can apply Tanner's tips to catch his attention from the very first moment and hold it so that he will be completely into you.

Tanner vs. Be Honest -- You're Not That Into Him Either

Ian Kerner's book Be Honest -- You're Not That Into Him Either holds pretty much the same views as He's Just Not That Into You except for Kerner's belief that there are in fact mixed signals in men's thinking/feeling. Kerner maintains that men can be unsure or confused about what they want from a given woman; he also asserts that extenuating circumstances can play a part.

To all this, Behrendt would probably shake his head saying, No, no, no. It's really very simple. Why is that so hard to accept? If he doesn't call, doesn't treat you how you deserve and want to be treated; he's just not that into you.

I'm inclined to agree with Behrendt, but the two are so similar there's no point in arguing. Both encourage women to get busy, be social, to stop making men the center of their day, to communicate clearly with men, and get real honest with themselves.

Tanner is very similar to Kerner, especially in encouraging women to stay active and busy, to really get to know themselves, and be clear about what they want and need. She really only differs with Kerner in two areas: First, Tanner would never advocate casually sleeping with men, least of all one night stands. To be clear, Tanner doesn't look down on women who casually sleep with men; she just knows that it doesn't get women what they want. And for that matter, Kerner doesn't tell women to run out and sleep around either, but as a guy he does come at it from a slightly more testosterone driven angle.

The second difference between Kerner and Tanner lies in Kerner's assertion that there are mixed signals where men are concerned. It's not that Tanner disagrees with this, but she believes that mixed signals are not an excuse for tolerating unwanted behavior. In that respect, Tanner is a little more similar to Behrendt. In the end, it really doesn't matter if you agree or not -- do you want to put up with it? That's the question.

Tanner vs. The Rules

Tanner is old-fashioned, so are the rigid Rules authors ( by Ellen Fein, Sherrie Schneider), they each promote the aggressive hunter male role. Each believe the woman should never call, should hold off on sex, should not reward bad behavior, etc., but the reasoning behind it is what really separates these ladies.

The Rules women don't offer a whole lot of reasoning behind why women should adopt these habits and they don't address feminine grace, charm, and flirting. Tanner deals with love in the manner she does because she is an astute observer of human nature, not because a list tells her to, and there is no judgment on her part directed toward women who don't agree with her. Tanner doesn't tell her readers what to do, most of what she divulges are tips on looking good, psychological secrets to make people feel comfortable, body language awareness, and tips on how to flirt with class and style.

The best way for you to learn more about these books is to pick up a copy for yourself. If you'd like to try out Mimi Tanner's Secrets of Flirting, click here.