Mind Battle

In a foxhole of addiction
A haze of chemical oblivion
Oblivious to you, Oblivious to me
Oblivious to every painful decree

Soon the numbness will end
Thoughts of pain will soon begin
You weak, no good, piece of shit
Calling you a man just doesn't fit

Running from the fight works best you see
No thoughts at all, that's for me
Standing up to my thoughts is sheer stupidity
I refuse to look at my iniquity

Off in the distance there always seems to be
A faint light always there beckoning me
There is love, joy, and peace in that light
I'll never get there, too hard of a fight

Better living through chemistry
A temerarious lie, seems my destiny
How can I sort through the hurt and pain
A past that reminds me I'm insane

Every time I reach for the light, even just slightly
His hand comes across the gap and touches me ever so lightly
The thoughts bombard me, pound me and torture me
I withdraw, I am just not worthy

I can't just stay like I am
This life is no life, just a sham
He is patiently waiting
For me to take action, stop debating

I reach for the light one last time
He reaches back, meeting me right where I am
His smile, His forgiveness, His love so kind
I take His hand, winning the first battle for my mind

Painful, hurtful thoughts shooting at me like fiery darts
Mistakes of the past blasting my heart
I think of Him, this settles my exhausted brain
With His help I start learning from the pain

The enemy will blast my mind with power and stealth
Until I learn from the pain and like Christ, forgive myself
Then no longer will my past unsettle and rattle
Finally, will I be able to see the end of the mind battle