Misadventures of the Almost Famous Disney Channel Shows

The path to fame and fortune is void of helpful road signs and riddled with many obstacles. The consequences of both celebrity and riches might not be worth it for a young actor who would rather play ball with his friends and hang out at the local skate park. But once in a while when Disney calls, my son Layne will put his acting mask on.

Whether dancing at the Tipton, or graduating junior high school with Zack and Cody on "The Suite Life," Layne is having the time of his life as a background actor. He is in no hurry to be famous, though it would be icing on the cake, and the money he makes goes toward his college fund. The entertainment industry, for the most part, has done their part to ensure that 15% of a child actor's earnings go straight into their Coogan account.

At any rate, one of Layne's first jobs was a short ten-second spot on "The Suite Life of Zack and Cody," which airs on the Disney Channel. Layne and a few other kids were shooting a dance sequence for an episode titled "French 101." We arrived one hour early on the set (always a wise decision) at Hollywood Center Studios. Layne was immediately whisked away to wardrobe. As a background actor you should always have three sets of your own clothes to change into unless you're told that wardrobe will be supplied. Never wear black or white shirts and nothing with logos will be accepted.

In any event, it is not unusual for most background actors, particularly the adults, to sit around for hours without actually working. For this very reason many bring a good novel, comfy beach chairs and lap tops.

However, on this occasion, the kids were put to work immediately. Although, one could hardly call it work. They danced all day, played games in between takes and some tried to befriend the young stars of the show-twin brothers, Dylan and Cole Sprouse. The twins, on the other hand, showed no signs of wanting to mingle with their extra co-stars. This caused quite a stir with some of the parents. But the twins, to their credit, dramatically changed the non-mingling policy the next time we worked on the show.

I remember that it was a rather long day. They were shooting a graduation scene. It took three days including one full day of just school. Between takes this time, both Dylan and Cole were very talkative and chatted with any kid that was willing to listen.

I wonder sometimes what it is a child or teen actor does to enjoy their daily lives. It would be awfully hard, for example, to play on a little league team, sing in a school choir or play an instrument in a marching band. They are schooled on the set and their days are filled with work. I would imagine if they didn't interact with other children, boredom might be hard to avoid. You have to have friends, real friends. In Layne's own words . . .

Friends are always there for you,
They care for you
They watch out for you.

Friends will keep your secrets,
What's yours is theirs, what's theirs is yours.
Friends will keep your secrets.Friends are honorable, enough to achieve your trust
Enough to achieve your thanks,
Enough to achieve your blessings.
Honorable friends achieve your brotherhood.
Layne-Michael Alten (when he was11 years old)

At any rate, Layne works when he wants to, and then only on TV shows and movies that will make the work interesting and fun. This is not to say it has always been fun. We've had a few misadventures and heart breaking rejections.

For instance, take the case of "Hannah Montana," if you please. Our journey to Tribune Studios in Hollywood took us four, traffic-filled, hours in the carpool lane. We arrived about thirty minutes late. This did not work in our favor, and traffic is not accepted as an excuse. Then a quick-tempered female assistant director could not find our paperwork. Our management company messed up for the first time (and hopefully the last) and got a few names confused. Apparently Layne's last name was now Miller and he had strangely morphed into a she.

We learned to suck it up and take the brunt of Disney's wrath. To our dismay we were told to leave the premises. And even when our manager called to try and rectify the problem, no apology was accepted. We sat around for about four hours, being completely ignored, till Ms. Assistant Director showed us the door while speaking to someone on her Blue Tooth apparatus.

Nevertheless, a few months later, Layne was called back to "Hanna Montana" for an audition. We reminded the manager that we were not in good standing with the powers to be at of this show. She was well aware of the problem and assured us that Hannah Montana's director had seen Layne's picture and the audition was his. Five thirty in the evening, under a very dark and rainy sky, we arrived at the studios. A very sweet parking attendant let me sneak into the parking lot reserved for directors and other VIPs. It never hurts to smile and have a good hair day I suppose.

Unfortunately for us it was Ms. Assistant Director who greeted us at the door. She took one cold look at Layne, eyed him from head to toe, gave me papers to fill out and walked away. We were scheduled to meet the director at 6:00 pm. Layne never got passed the holding area. Sweet Ms. AD signed Layne's papers and told us they had decided to go with an older and much bigger boy. Well, I guess that's life on Hollywood's "D" list. We were paid for our time and received money for gas. A nice dinner was packed for us, complete with desert, which helped take the edge off the emotional roller coaster.

Children will face rejection and suffer disappointments of life, especially in this business, and, if they let us, we can hold their hands through these cruel moments. Layne and I will walk this path together and God knows the plans for his future and my young star knows that. Ice-cream helps too or a visit to his favorite restaurant-TGIF.

In the end, whenever we walk away from an audition without landing the role I ask my should-be-an-academy-award-winning son if acting is still something he would like to pursue. He simply smiles, turns on the charm, and starts talking about baseball, skating and drum lessons. Then he proceeds to turn down the next few job opportunities, till something exciting comes along like a photo shoot for "Cold Case," or playing baseball on "Criminal Minds." And that is a whole other misadventure of the almost famous.