Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss: What You Should Know

Miscarriage is a very difficult time for many women. The hopes that they have begun to build for their unborn child are dashed including the security that their body would bring a pregnancy to term and result in a baby. This can be a very unsettling time for those reasons.

Miscarriage can also be difficult on dad. He doesn't know how to support his wife during this difficult time and though he tries his best, he can't understand what she's going through.

If you are going through a miscarriage, you may have questions. I hope this article can help answer some of those questions for you.

It's not your fault.

It is estimated that up to 50% of pregnancies end before a woman even misses her period. Most of the time this is due to defects, either of the baby, or of implantation. A pregnancy that endures past the month mark alerts a woman that she is pregnant, but can end the same way for the same reasons.

99% of pregnancies that end in miscarriage do so before the 13 week mark. This is because the fetus that makes it that far is usually "okay" to continue the pregnancy, though there is never any guarantee that any child will be free of birth defects or other issues.

Many women worry that they did something to cause the miscarriage. This is not the case. That Irish Coffee you had before you knew you were pregnant or the fall you had outside your office most likely didn't contribute to the miscarriage. Women's bodies are very durable, as are healthy embryos. The uterus and placenta come with many safeguards, in the case of a healthy embryo. Though the placenta isn't fully formed yet, your body filters a lot of the things you eat or drink so that your baby is safe. It is because of things like this that I say that womens' bodies were meant to bear children. Our bodies know how to protect the embryo and then fetus that grows within us. While this is not to say that one should be irresponsible, there is some leeway if mistakes happen.

You may never know the reason why.

Sometimes you can take your baby to a lab for genetic testing, but many times you won't find answers there. Genetic testing isn't an exact science, and though we've mapped the genome, we're still trying to understand the knowledge that we've gleaned and how much we have left to learn. Genetic testing can only test for genetic markers for things that we already know...in other words, we can only find disabilities that we've found before through genetic testing. It doesn't answer all of your questions, and it isn't fool-proof.

Natural miscarriage?

If your miscarriage is confirmed by a doctor, they will probably recommend a D&C, which is a type of abortion that can be performed after an embryo has died. While some women elect to get one, some women choose against it.

There is a risk of infection if you do not get a D&C, particularly if doctors are working in that area and introducing infection. However, there is a chance of scarring with a D&C that you wouldn't have with a spontaneous abortion, which can affect your ability to get pregnant in the future.

Abortion only means that an embryo releases from the uterine wall (or elsewhere) and is removed either by contractions or by doctors/machines. Miscarriage is often called spontaneous abortion.

Before D&C, women miscarried without the help of doctors. Our bodies know what to do. Sometimes it isn't instantaneous, and can take up to several weeks before your body finally starts miscarrying. Sometimes there is some spotting and cramping beforehand.

Some women feel more comfortable going this route and making peace with the fact that they've lost their baby. Some feel that miscarriage is a private event and they don't want doctors or anyone else interfering with the natural but painful process they have to endure. These feelings are normal.

Other women want to get it over with as quickly as possible, hoping they won't have to think about it. Some women find this approach beneficial, but there will still be emotional difficulties, no matter how the miscarriage is completed.

There is genetic testing.

If you have had 3 or more miscarriages, your doctor or midwife may recommend genetic testing to see if there is a reason your body is miscarrying. While this can sometimes reveal answers, it is also costly and time-consuming. You're not guaranteed any answers, since many things are still not detectable by genetic testing.

Words can hurt.

Sometimes the hardest part of a miscarriage is dealing with others during the difficult adjustment period. The things that they say can hurt as much as help. Women have had people tell them they should feel lucky because they have other children, or that they can try again. These types of things aren't what women want to hear, especially when their emotions are so raw.

There is support.

There are support groups both on the internet and locally for parents who've had to face a miscarriage. Check your local hospitals for bereavement groups and see if they have anything for parents who've faced a pregnancy loss or stillbirth.

Take care of yourself.

This is an emotionally devastating time for families, when a miscarriage occurs. Don't be afraid to take some time for yourself, feel a bit anti-social, or mourn the loss of your baby. Miscarriage hurts emotionally as well as physically, and it is best if you take some time for yourself and pay attention to what you need.

I hope that this article answers some of your questions about miscarriage and pregnancy loss. If you decide to try again, check out my articles on homebirth and parenting. I know it can be difficult to think of right now, but if you take things one day at a time, you'll make it through. I did. It took a while, but I made it through.